Nearly FMLs

By Inalotofpain - 24/03/2016 18:57 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today I used my new Lynx Attract For Her deoderant. Then I got an allergic reaction, which felt like my entire armpit is on fire. Now the skin is literally peeling off and bleeding like hell. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 18:49 - Canada - Lac Du Bonnet

Today, I've been talking to a Polish girl for quite some time and decided that we wanted to meet each other, I'm from Canada and bought a plane ticket. she just told me she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. There goes $1000. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By JillianJuneBug - 24/03/2016 18:46 - United States

Today, my crush posted on Facebook about how he's cleaning out his friend's list and to like his status if anyone wants to prevent them from getting deleted. Planning to ask him out soon, I hastily liked it. He ended up deleting me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Oh_lord - 24/03/2016 18:42 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I talked about having a baby and how wonderful our lives are going to be...I found out that im pregnant and he's having second thoughts...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Better to buy a new one - 24/03/2016 18:37 - United States - Lemoore

Today I found out that my sister has been using my vibrating toothbrush as a dildo/vibrator. She lubes it up by spitting on it then shoved it in. I found this out because I went outside t get the mail and saw her through her sheer window curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By jcblack01 - 24/03/2016 18:37 - United States

Today, I went to McDonald's for lunch, and the person called my order. Before I could get it some homeless guy took my order and went into the bathroom. I told the cashier and they said go ask him for it, people get confused a lot. I walked into the bathroom and he was fucking my burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Syd44 - 24/03/2016 18:14 - United States - Burlington

Today, I was straightening my hair, when suddenly my brother comes screaming like a crazy person into the bathroom. I freaked out because he scared me and accidentally burnt my face with the straightening iron and he left the bathroom laughing. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By brickshedloski - 24/03/2016 17:52 - United States - Readfield

Today, in an attempt to impress the health and safety inspector at my job, I sliced my finger on a sheet of paper in my binder and prefusely bled all over my paperwork, the public counter, myself, and yes, on her, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Creep2DJ - 24/03/2016 17:50 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, in Chemistry, I was texting my mother when I dropped my phone. When I reached down to grab it, I jabbed my eye into the corner of the metal chair next to me. I now have a black eye and a phone with a severely cracked screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By non - 24/03/2016 17:29 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I broke my nose trying to flirt with one of my coworkers. How you ask? He opened the door and I ran into the closed side. Now he won't even talk let alone look at me, because I'm a klutz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By whatsyourproblem - 24/03/2016 17:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, we went on a field trip to a museum. Not only do I not have any friends in my group, but we aren't allowed to stray outside of them. Everyone in my group is friends with each other and they really don't like me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 17:07 - United States - Sioux City

Today, my husband came into my work with his girlfriend, fml

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 16:27 - United States - San Francisco

I got sent home from work for coming in tired. I closed last night, and I opened the store this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By stay off the roads - 24/03/2016 15:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after driving in parking lots for a bit with my permit, my mom decided to let me drive home from school for the first time. I was pulled over by the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Nose Stuffed Like a Turkey - 24/03/2016 15:33 - United States - El Segundo

Today, I am very very sick and my manager has decided that today is the day to do all the work she could've given me a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By camilax3 - 24/03/2016 15:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I accidentally wrapped myself in a blanket covered in dried up piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GBF1223 - 24/03/2016 15:28 - United States - San Antonio

Today, At work my stomach was hurting and it turned out I just had to let out this HUGE fart. Half way through the fart a customer walked in the store. it smells really bad. he laughed and then left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By grace71500 - 24/03/2016 15:26 - United States - Old Monroe

Today, I sneezed at the same time my nose started bleeding, now my favorite white shirt is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Breakoutonblast - 24/03/2016 15:24 - United States - Winnsboro

Aparently, I'm allergic to the facial wax a certain salon uses. I found out when I woke up this morning to an itchy rash all around my eyebrows. I'm in a big wedding in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By farewell future career - 24/03/2016 14:58 - Australia - Eatons Hill

Today, I learned to never joke about being pregnant, because the universe might be listening and make you actually pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 14:47

Today, I went from "high-fiving-random-strangers"-happy to" I-will-punch-anyone-who-disturbs-me"-sad in the time it took me to read one e-mail from my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Gross - 24/03/2016 14:16 - Sint Maarten (Dutch part) - Philipsburg

Today, my drunk, angry father told me about how several years back, he saw my boyfriend have sex with my mother at a swingers party. I didn't know either of them was a swinger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By AnkleBreaker - 24/03/2016 14:14 - Saudi Arabia

Today, after training three times a week for six months, all that sweat and toil was going to pay off as I prepared to represent our school in a major basketball tournament. Guess who got a total game-time of ten minutes and managed to horribly twist his ankle? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Firestormplayer - 24/03/2016 14:10 - United States - Katy

Today, I am stuck in a school bathroom with constipation, and abdominal pain. Unfortunately, I can't go home since the school sent a note for all of my other absences due to the same reason.I've been here for nearly 45 minutes and the dude a stall over wont shut up about his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Oops - 24/03/2016 14:04 - United States - Corpus Christi

Today, while sleeping at my girlfriends house i had my first wet dream in months. This wouldn't have been such a bad thing if we weren't spooning when it had happened and she woke up with it all over her ass and bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By thanksforthesupport - 24/03/2016 13:54 - United States - Holly Springs

Today, I have my first GYN checkup, and my male doctor happens to be the one doing it. My now ex-boyfriend looked up what happens during one, and broke up with me because "I'd be cheating on him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sniperman775 - 24/03/2016 13:41 - United States - Gilbert

Today, while I slept I got a really bad bloody nose. I woke up with blood smeared all over my face, arms, bed, and pillows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By umplay - 24/03/2016 13:24 - Canada - Nashwaak Bridge

Today, I went to the mall. I saw a girl who looked like my girlfriend ahead of me. So I ran up behind her, hugged her, and whispered "Guess who?" Needless to say I have a handprint on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By anonymous - 24/03/2016 13:23 - United States - Kennewick

Today, my housemate had a friend spend the night. She went to use the upstairs bathroom since the one downstairs is having issues. She called down the stairs saying someone left a dildo on the counter. After freaking out, thinking I'd forgotten after cleaning, she came down with a curling wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By NoWhereToGo - 24/03/2016 13:11 - United States - Columbus

Today, I got a call from my Brother-in-Law. Turns out the house that my future fiancé and I were renting from them for the past month has been sold. We got a large breed puppy, I got a new job, and we spent all of our savings to move here and start a better life. We now have nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I had to go to my 10 year-old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face, "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 542

You deserved it 6 062

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 126

You deserved it 2 882

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 060

You deserved it 1 678

Today, I unwittingly told the barber, “Do whatever you think looks best.” He got creative. Forty-five minutes later, I walked out with a haircut that made me look like a backup dancer in a 1990s boy band. My girlfriend said, “You're going to have to wear a beanie if you want to walk around with me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 445

Today, I was running late and couldn't find my purse anywhere. My sleep-deprived brain came up with the brilliant idea of trying to phone it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 480

You deserved it 5 070

Today, I woke up with viral pink eye in both eyes. I work at a daycare and half the staff got it. We live in a state where there's mandatory sick time for all employees but people still take their sick kids to daycare. It's been a month of pink eye in my facility and I feel like it's never going to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 101