Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 10:22 - United Kingdom - Sacriston

Today,for the tenth time, I told my neighbour to double check my cat isn't in his shed when he locks it up, his response"it will teach the cat a lesson if he is dumb enough to go in", he now expects me to clean all the cat shit and piss out of his shed after not checking for the cat first. FML.

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By MyEyesss - 25/03/2016 10:13 - Brunei Darussalam - Brunei

Today, I walked in on my little brother sniffing my mom's panties. FML

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By ribx - 25/03/2016 09:59 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, after saying that I eat the eggs from our chickens without guilt as they're well looked after, I come home from four weeks at university to find two of our chickens dead and the other severely malnourished, turns out my parents had only been feeding them every 3 days, FML

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By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 09:49 - Germany - Braunschweig

Today, I realised that I wake up at 6 am every morning no matter what and without any alarm. I can't fall asleep again till the evening, but I'm way to tired to function. I work the night shift till 4 am FML

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By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 09:23 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today I woke up to discover that my daughter had figured out how to take off her diaper and had of course smeared the contents everywhere. If only she hadn't been sharing the crib with her poor twin sister. FML

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By wanderingsoul82 - 25/03/2016 09:15 - United States - Greenville

Today, my live-in boyfriend and my pets have all decided they don't want to share a bed with me. Even my pets like him better. FML.

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By Ri_Fox9 - 25/03/2016 07:29 - United States - Perry

Today, after several years of telling myself I would never date a drug addict, that I am doing just that when I walked in on my boyfriend snorting roxies. FML

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By e23 - 25/03/2016 07:25 - United States - Spokane

My boyfriend of 2 years told me he is going on a 4 day hiking trip with a girl who just kind of sleeps with people she isn't interested in...and also was my best friend for 5 years. I was called crazy by both of them for saying it made me uncomfortable. FML.

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By neocllns - 25/03/2016 06:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my gf of more than one year told me that we have no future together. When asked why she said it's because I give her everything she wants and never say no. FML

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vote type 1 1

By theamazingd - 25/03/2016 06:06 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I am suffering from a back injury I sustained on Monday. I have no idea what I did, and it's the last spring break I'll ever have, as I am graduating college in May. I've been couch-bound all week. FML.

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By Overprotectiveparents - 25/03/2016 05:55 - United States - Kirkland

Today, after running on my treadmill, which is in the garage, for about 30 minutes, my mom was actually worried about where I was because I wasn't in my room. It seems I can't even get out of my room, let alone the upstairs of my house without my parents becoming concerned. FML

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By coffeedrama - 25/03/2016 05:54 - Australia - Ferny Hills

Today, my mother would not stop screaming at me, all because I asked for help setting up the new coffee pot. I've never used one before in my life, and she has owned three. FML.

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By dragonowl21 - 25/03/2016 05:52 - United States - Portland

Today, I looked in the mirror and saw a more manly face. Confidence, get! I walk out of the bathroom, and my mom instantly says, "Oh, you look so girly today!" There goes my self-esteem. FML

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By Release the kraken phone! - 25/03/2016 05:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I dropped my phone, resulting in a tiny crack in the corner. I was sighing in relief that it wasn't worse, when I dropped it again. It's like a spiderweb. FML

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By BrokenHearted - 25/03/2016 05:38 - United States - Milford

Today, I told my "best friend" my fiance and I were trying to conceive for over a year with no luck. She took this moment to tell me she's pregnant, doesn't know who the father is, is dreading being pregnant and plans on "milking the crib midget for all it's worth." She doesn't get why I'm mad. FML

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By Project_GhostZ71 - 25/03/2016 05:16 - United States - Irving

Today, my boss and step brother got pissed because i didnt want to tag a bull that had just killed someone a week ago (which is why he is at the sale barn) and now im in the ER with a broken arm in three places and six broke ribs... FML

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By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 05:04 - United States - Camarillo

Today, the day after my vasectomy procedure, my 5 year old decided to punch me in the crotch after not getting what he wanted. In seeing the major reaction he got, punching me in the crotch is now his go-to tactic for getting what he wants. This is going to be a long recovery. FML.

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By send help - 25/03/2016 04:44 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had just finished painting my nails for an upcoming wedding, when I got a pain in my stomach and a bout of uncontrollable diarrhoea. Today is also the day I'm going on a 5 hour road trip for said wedding. FML.

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By killerLEELOO - 25/03/2016 04:43 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was too scared to buy a pregnancy test even though I've had a suspicion that I am for a month now. I'm 18 and not even sure I really want to commit to my boyfriend like that. FML

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By Need a bus pass - 25/03/2016 04:43 - United States - Glen Carbon

Today, my parents gave the car I just bought to my younger sibling, because she gets out more than I do. She doesn't even have her permit yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 04:38 - United States - Edwards

Today, I find out the reason my boyfriend can't cum with me is because he's desensitised...aka he watches so much porn that he can't cum without it. FML

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By chicken_dip - 25/03/2016 04:22 - United States - Irvine

Today, I was trying to be romantic by sharing a gummy bear with my girlfriend through kissing. She confused my lip with the food. Hello missing chunk from my lip.

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By PennyRenae - 25/03/2016 04:19 - Australia

Today, I have become so obsessed with masturbating that I can no longer feel my clit. FML

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By DeadpoolFuckers - 25/03/2016 04:04 - United States - Grand Island

Today, My bitch of a stepsister took me away from my own mothers funeral claiming she had a panic attack. Turns out she was sad that no one congratulated her on her minimum wage job and took it out on me. FML

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By fivkmymom - 25/03/2016 03:59 - United States - Beverly

Today, after four years of working my ass off in high school, I got my acceptance letter from Columbia. I ran to my mom, crying with excitement. She slapped me in the face because I'm the only one of my siblings not to go to a Catholic college. Sorry I got into an Ivy League, mom. FML

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By Annonymyous - 25/03/2016 03:58 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my girlfriend told me that I needed to be more romantic, like in the movies. I decided to pull the "throw pebbles at a window to wake her up at night" move. Not only was I throwing at the wrong window, but now her angry father is considering pressing charges for a broken window. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 03:55 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I had to explain to my fiance why I've been teaching English to a pornstar. Apparently I shouldn't have taken those lessons, even though we need money for our wedding. FML

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By VoodooPriestess - 25/03/2016 03:49 - United States - Sacramento

Today at work, a lady called me stupid and incompetent and wanted to see my manager. Why? Because after counting her assortment of coins, I needed to grab a calculator to give her the exact amount she still owed me. This ended with her screaming my manager wasn't God. FML

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By kill me - 25/03/2016 03:34 - United States - Loganville

Today, I woke up from a nap and this girl who is obsessed with me tried convincing me that I was in a coma and that we were happily married. she says that she's moving back in this weekend and that we should renew our vows and take a honeymoon. I met her last week at a bar.

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By you found what? - 25/03/2016 03:32 - United States - Stuttgart

Today, my little sister came running up to me with something in her hands. She said, " Look! I found my homemade shank!". FML

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Top

Today, I took my son to festival at a local church. He had a Nerf gun as part of his costume, but when I set it down to put something in my bag, someone walked off with it. We can't even go to a church function without running into thieves. FML

agreeclassic 2 673

vote type 1 297

Today, while my 4 year-old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML

agreeclassic 37 405

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Today, I received a $500 fine for an "unruly" dog. I don't have a dog. FML

agreeclassic 34 856

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Today, I flipped out with happiness over the new Barbies. I want to buy one. I'm almost 26. FML

agreeclassic 17 538

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Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

agreeclassic 27 019

vote type 1 2 039

Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML

agreeclassic 68 941

vote type 1 18 340