Nearly FMLs

By Jess Portier - 24/03/2016 05:11 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I bought a brand new car. On my way out of the dealership, the guy who sold me the car crashed into me. I now have to pay $3000 worth of repairs.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 04:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a stranger smiled at me and asked when my baby is due. There is no baby due. This has happened so many times now that I've started to consider Bridget Jones style underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By trashofthething - 24/03/2016 04:54

Today, while at the hospital for a severe leg pain, I was in a room without a television remote. I was unable to turn the TV off, or change the channel, or make it quieter for 5 hours. Dog with a Blog played the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 04:41 - Portugal - Portim?o

Today, I went to a friend's house. Things got steamy, so we moved to the bed. I was supposed to be off my period, so I wasn't worried. Turns out I was wrong. He asked me to get on top and when I looked down, the condom was covered in blood. He went instantly soft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 04:31 - United States - Edmond

Today, I finally built up enough confidence to tell the guy I liked that I liked him. Right as I was about to do so he pulls me aside and confesses his love...... for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 24/03/2016 04:28 - United States

Today, it's almost midnight and I've been up since 6am. Just as I was finally falling asleep, I woke up to my roommate screaming at somebody on the phone. When I asked her to be quiet, she just started talking louder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By dadoftwins15 - 24/03/2016 04:13 - United States - Wingate

Today, As I was pushing my 6 month old twins in their stroller at the park. Two women walked up saying awww as they got closer to see the babies. They looked at my babies then back at me. As they walk away I hear one of them say "his wife must have cheated because those kids are to cute to be his"

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By LadyBallerAm - 24/03/2016 04:13 - United States - Glen Head

Today, John introduced me to his new girlfriend. Too bad John's my husband of 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By shotgun_girl - 24/03/2016 03:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I apologized to my dad for being a brat about something yesterday. He replied sweetly "Oh honey, You've always been a brat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By soon to be dumped???? - 24/03/2016 03:54 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I sent my boyfriend, of whom I love more than life itself, a nice long paragraph on how much I love him, which he's always loved me doing. He's been acting weird and I thought this me cheer him up. Unfortunately I received back the dreadful "yeah... We really need to talk tomorrow"... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By aubby_cat - 24/03/2016 03:53 - United States - Louisville

Today, I get a call from the surgeons office who performed my leg surgery and they informed me that they had no reason to cut the main nerve in my leg other than they were "distracted". They're under investigation but I have constant nerve pain that will never heal.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 03:50 - United States - Des Moines

Today I learned, after years of study to get my degree, my college is ending the program of study I'm in due to lack of interest so they've removed the program from their website and student menu thingy. This removed me from the program. They won't fix it. I can't apply for graduation now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By country14760 - 24/03/2016 03:30 - United States - Olean

Today, after being in the hospital for a week because a bad car crash that broke my hip... My husky jumped in my lap and I fell off the chair just for the plate in my hip to break and me go back to the hospital....FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Moe Lester - 24/03/2016 03:27 - United States - Acton

Today, I was out with my friends at a bar. I went outside to take a piss, which conveniently happened to be near a playground. Let's just say it'll be hard to find a job now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By :| - 24/03/2016 03:05 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, Im so out of shape, I got winded by taking my shirt off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 02:57 - United States - Bonney Lake

On my wedding day, three out of four of the wedding party gave impromptu, drunken speeches instead of something thoughtful and planned. They all mentioned my husband and I breaking up. We never broke up, not even once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Say no to anarchy - 24/03/2016 02:53 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I had to attempt to converse calmly with my friend's fiance as she very seriously explained her philosophy of fear as a great motivator, and how she planned to use it by killing as many politicians as she can to send a message to other corrupt politicians. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 24/03/2016 02:34 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, while working at a WATERPARK. I found a guest wobbling in and out of the entrance doors, he seemed rather confused. He was exclaiming that he is Barf-man. With quick thinking I run to find a bucket. When I come back he is making snow angels in vomit... oh the things I have to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By onemoreyear - 24/03/2016 02:33 - United States - Mineral Point

Today, I found out a coworker got promoted from assistant to associate. I've been working at this company more than a year longer than her, and actually specialized in this field in university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By katsarecray - 24/03/2016 02:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I found out that I haven't been able to get off even when my boyfriend helps. Apparently my attention span is so short my mind wanders and I can't finish. The only way I can is with headphones and porn. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By fuckyoumom - 24/03/2016 02:09 - United States - Beverly

Today, after years of working my ass off getting all As in Honors and AP classes, I finally got into Princeton University. I told my mom and she showed her happiness by slapping me across the face because I'm the first of my siblings not to go to a Catholic college.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By janitor - 24/03/2016 01:53 - United States - Allen Park

Today, my 90 year old grandfather decided to flush his very poopy diaper down the toilet. He then used his hand the stuff it down when it clogged the toilet. When I asked him to wash his hands he wiped them on his pants, smiled at me, and walked away. I love hanging out with grandpa. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By sk8trboi - 24/03/2016 01:50 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, I decided to be the nice guy and skate around a group of people walking, in doing so I hit a rock, lost my balance and fell.. I ended up tearing a couple ligaments in my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Thisisawkward - 24/03/2016 01:47 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I was at a street intersection where the same homeless man who is always there asked me for money . Like usual, I said I didn't have any, except that this time I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and my wallet went flying , sending all my money fluttering to a pile at his feet . FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Swandive235 - 24/03/2016 00:49 - France - Boulogne

Today, my mom told me to run ahead of her and when we were walking home to our house to unlock it and turn on the heat because it was cold. When she got home, she yelled at me and grounded me for leaving her behind. I've been grounded several times recently for doing what I'm told. Fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By grtfuldeadlovr - 24/03/2016 00:42 - United States - Manchester

Today, I learned its best not to pour oil into the car while the engine is running, lesson learned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By F1RESTORMSTUDIOS - 24/03/2016 00:41 - Australia - Algester

Today, a woman called my store to order pizza. She wanted to order an 'americano', which is pepperoni and mushroom, but without mushroom. I explained that it was a pepperoni pizza. Not only did I get abused over the phone for correcting her, she reported me to head office. Now I'm on report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kipps_1 - 24/03/2016 00:24 - United States - Columbus

Today, my mom gave me another big speech that left me in tears on the reasons I'm making her miserable and how her situation in life is my fault. Then she complained about how I never talk to her or stay home and that I'm always working or at school studying. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By badluckbayan - 24/03/2016 00:20 - United States - Columbia

Today, I ran a fever of 103.5 and felt like I was on the verge of death. I went to the hospital to get treated, and x-rays revealed a 12 foot tapeworm in my intestines. My sister decided now would be a good time to tell me she slid tapeworm pills into my food two months ago as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By redfox1997 - 23/03/2016 23:59 - United States

Today, I started work after job-hunting and interviewing with no luck for over a year. I also realized that my boss is a huge Donald Trump supporter and he wonders "when [the American people] are going to realize that [Muslims] aren't our friends." I want to quit, but I can't afford to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I went to a support group for my porn addiction. I was hoping I wouldn't recognize anyone there. The first person I recognized was my dad, and the second was one of my professors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 983

You deserved it 498

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend of 13 years. He broke up with me because "Chicks can't propose, that's gay!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 436

You deserved it 738

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 002

You deserved it 11 449

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 575

You deserved it 66 034

Today, my wife woke me up, saying her husband was home and that I needed to escape before he caught me. I was still struggling with the window when I remembered I’m her husband and she was laughing, filming my half-asleep ass trying to escape from being caught by myself cheating with my own wife. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 1 485

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 674

You deserved it 5 915