Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 18:45 - United States - San Francisco

I got my cosmetology license. I had a job planned at a hair salon for MONTHS, and am finally able to start next week. Wanting a fresh look for my new job, I went against my better judgement and got my hair cut at a public salon instead of doing it myself. Well, my hair looks great! Except the lice.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kawaiitrash - 23/03/2016 18:33 - United States - Barrington

Today, I just got a terrible cold, that I usually get each year in March because of my asthma. Meaning I have a horrible cough and nose. Tomorrow I'm going on a flight to see my dying grandpa for possibly the last time, and if I get him sick he will have no time left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Chester - 23/03/2016 18:32 - United States - Bronx

Today, at recess, my friends and I were playing what are the odds, and I had to "drop it" and when I did my pants ripped and everybody including my crush saw my princess underwear. Also there was a stain from my period on it FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By squiggly book - 23/03/2016 18:26 - United States - Stamford

Today, my roommate put my wallet and all of the money I had in a new safe he secretly got... We need my credit card to pay for bills but he can't remember the combo. We need the money inside to pay for a locksmith. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By coolfav - 23/03/2016 17:51 - Kuwait - Kuwait

Today, I was in class and I was on Skype and this girl looked at my screen for whatever reason. At that moment my friend sent me a message saying "Booty booty booty rockin everywhere". She rolled her eyes and scoffed, saying "men". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By lpmancha95 - 23/03/2016 17:50 - United States

Today, my ex called me to translate something for him from Spanish to english. After helping him he told me we couldn't have worked out because I was too Mexican. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By themermaid_a - 23/03/2016 17:29 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I tried to shave my butt to see how well it would work, but it didn't. Now it's covered in red bumps and i can't even sit down since it feels like sitting on sandpaper. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By swigetyswogety - 23/03/2016 17:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, on the way to the hospital, due to my best friend breaking my jaw with his fist, an angry driver pulled a knife on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By no friends - 23/03/2016 17:24 - United States - Hopewell Junction

Today, I overheard my best "friends" saying how they don't like me and only invite me along because I don't drink, so I'm a "free" designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 17:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I coughed so hard I peed myself a little. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ImagineCrazy - 23/03/2016 17:14 - Canada - Canning

Today, I walked out of my room, just in time to see my dad grab my moms boob. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By cheatersneverchange - 23/03/2016 17:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met the women I've been having sexual relations with's boyfriend of 3 years. Afterwards she had the audacity to come back to me to ask if we could continue with what we had! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By missbadwolf - 23/03/2016 16:55 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I called my dad and told him happy birthday. I then found out he had just accidentally got my dog with his chainsaw and he's bleeding. We are meeting at the vet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By kevinfmls - 23/03/2016 16:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I was playing soccer during physical education. As I run to go and kick the ball someone runs up and kicks it as I'm kicking it. After I went to the doctor and they took an x-ray, I found out my toe was dislocated. I waited seven hours before they popped it back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By bleedingdad - 23/03/2016 16:48 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, I tried to wake up my teenage daughter for school, after turning on the light, She threw a book at my face called "Hush hush" and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By The Ugly One - 23/03/2016 16:38 - United States - Denver

Today, at work, while I was washing my hands, one of my coworkers that I don't talk to much came up to me and asked what my name was. When I told him, he said, "Ah, so you're the ugly one." Turns out, there's another girl at my workplace with the same name as me. She's the pretty one. I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By rightlessonwrong - 23/03/2016 16:37 - United States

Today, in a rush to get my work apron and hat, I also grabbed a pair of my husband's dirty underpants. I didn't realize until I was at work. They're now hidden in my purse for the day.FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Not funny at all - 23/03/2016 16:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I went to my new therapist for the first time. As I was telling her about my problems, she burst out laughing, and giggled for ten minutes straight. I was forced to sit there and awkwardly laugh with her.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By blueeyes6921 - 23/03/2016 16:09 - Canada - Burlington

Today, i was contacted by a woman ,telling me that my live in bf has been dating her since last September . At first i thought it was just some jealous crazy ex . Nope she was right and my bf has been living a double life ...FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By turdwrangler - 23/03/2016 15:18 - United States - Central Point

Today, at a trailer park where I was going to be unclogging a drain. I noticed a 2 year old walking around with only a diaper on and no adult in sight. I called the police after 10 minutes of seeing no other adult. Turns out the moms house is where I was working and she knew I called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 15:18 - United States

Today, A couple of my friends came over to my house to play some league of legends. We played league for a couple hours and it was like 6:00 in the morning when we decided to sleep. We slept till 12:30 and when we woke up one of my friends was gone and there was a giant yellow spot on the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Turtle - 23/03/2016 15:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today I f

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By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 15:02 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my boyfriend and I made a small bet with oral as the stake. I won. Unfortunately, my period just kicked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By LockedLoser - 23/03/2016 14:58 - United States - Parkesburg

Today, The girl I'm in love with is a senior as I am. I've felt as if we've been having fun together and she was starting to like me back. That was until she started to vent to me about her crush.. A freshman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ThrowingUpInMyMouth - 23/03/2016 14:39 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I felt sea sick on a ferry travelling on really choppy water. While getting some fresh air, I felt "the spray of the sea" on my face. I licked my lips without thinking and discovered a revolting taste. Turns out, the spray was actually puke from someone upwind... I licked someone's puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By blupariah - 23/03/2016 14:24 - United States - Delhi

Today, I received a letter from the BMV saying my license will be suspended in a month. Why? Because apparently they did a random request for proof of insurance and I never sent it in. I didn't send it because I never got the letter. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anne - 23/03/2016 14:12 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today my 5 year old asked me "why does no one want to marry you?". FML.

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You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 23/03/2016 14:09 - United Kingdom - Poole

I just had to explain to my boyfriend that, no, I do not feel comfortable with him becoming friends with the guy who raped me when I was 15.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Cone - 23/03/2016 14:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I studied for 6 hours for my up coming Latin Mid-Term. Little did I know that since the beginning of the semester I have been studying the wrong side of 621 flash cards. My test is in 40 minutes.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By anonymous198913 - 23/03/2016 13:56 - United States

Today, my dog had surgery for cancer on her foot. While my mom was carrying her, she slipped and sprained her ankle. FML

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You deserved it 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, we had painters in the house. My 4 year-old grandson kept telling me, "Grandpa ate the painter's sandwich." While the painters were running an errand, my husband ate their sandwich, then left to go to work. I was left to explain/apologize to the painters that my husband ate their PB&J. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 115

Today, my parents were arguing about their relationship. My mom, who is very Christian, yelled at my dad for watching porn. My dad responded, "Of course I watch porn, I've told you! I've shown you!" He's also the one who stressed to me at a very young age that porn is immoral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 186

Today, I once again had another guy's sweaty crotch pushed into my face. I still don't see why I enjoy wrestling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 933

You deserved it 35 389

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 172

You deserved it 10 952

You can do it!

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 80

Today, at work at a beauty salon, I was explaining to a mom and her daughter about how we were going to style their hair, and the processes involved. I tripped over my words, saying, "We’ll start with a wash and a blowjob." Pretty sure from the way they stomped out I might not have a job tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 202