Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 01:02 - United States

Today, my five year old neice said "I'm going to grow up and be just like you, only pretty, and tall!" To which then my sister said, "I'm setting money back so you can go to college, so then you'll be pretty, tall and be smart too!" Thanks for the support sis. Fml

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By MMFQDEATH - 28/03/2016 00:58

Today, I'm helping my girlfriend move into her new apartment that I have plans to move in to as well. I've been working on a wall mount so her kid could watch TV so she can do school work. She then flips out on me after 4 hours because I wasn't working on the kids bed without telling me to. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By mattress - 28/03/2016 00:55 - United States - Frisco

Today,my parents basically disowned me because I told them I'm a atheist and believe in evolution, I'm currently grounded and have to church everyday until I rediscover God. Fml

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By rachgirl6 - 28/03/2016 00:53 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got home at 6:30am after getting to the country hospital at 7pm the night before. My great Easter holiday has resulted in a broken toe, tonsillitis and ruptured cyst on my ovaries. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By damnbro - 28/03/2016 00:52 - United States

Today, I found out the reason our shared 40GB monthly data goes down so quickly is because of the ungodly amount of HD porn my brother watches on his phone.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By thewallsaretoothin - 28/03/2016 00:33 - United States - Wylie

Today, my roommate has been loudly masturbating to a framed picture of Hillary Clinton for the past half hour. I cannot unhear the phrase, "Tell me I'm better than Bill." FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 00:28 - United States

Today, after nearly a year of not having the money to fix my completely cracked, broken phone, I could finally afford to have it fixed. Not thirty minutes after I got it back, I dropped it in the toilet. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 00:27 - United States - Columbus

Today, while riding my grandfather's four-wheeler, the brakes conveniently decided to stop working right before I got to a ditch. The four-wheeler flipped and I was thrown from it, only to land on my shoulder, breaking my left collarbone, as the four-wheeler landed on my right arm fracturing it. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Not Alexis - 28/03/2016 00:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while making out with my boyfriend he moaned his ex-girlfriend's name. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 00:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found out I have casadastraphobia, a fear of falling upwards into the sky. I'm afraid to tell my parents 'cause I'm sure they'll think I'm mental, but I also freak out when I'm in a large open space. FML

agreeclassic 12

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 00:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my best friend finally broke up with her deadbeat boyfriend. This would be great except now my boyfriend of two years broke up with me to be with her. She's the one who introduced us. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 00:12

Today, my mom decided to hire a baby sitter for me. This would be fine, except I'm 14, and the sitter she hired is in the grade below me in school. Fml.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 00:05 - United States

Today, I watched as my mother stuffed her face full of icing covered pretzel bites. She then she proceeded to complain about how fat she was, and blamed me for letting her eat them. Then she declared that from now on she was going on a diet. I can't count how many times she has said that. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Bmalistair - 28/03/2016 00:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my dog decided to poop on the living room floor for me to wake up to. While cleaning it he runs up and throws up all over me and the carpet. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By EpicLeeGames - 27/03/2016 23:55 - United Kingdom

Today, the cute barista I always see at Starbucks told me my coffee would cost me a date. I panicked and said no. I think I screwed my chances. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By death. - 27/03/2016 23:50 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, for the first time in my 21 years on this earth I woke up with a cold. I also have my period and the hiccups. Every time I hiccup I cough every time I cough I can feel the blood being pushed out of me. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Maristiel - 27/03/2016 23:47 - United States - Canton

Today, I went out for a job interview. I was in a rush to get ready so I ended up putting crocs on instead of dress shoes. As I was getting interviewed, the man looked down to see my ugly, worn-out crocs. He cut the interview short and never called me back...FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 2

By bubblebuttboyfriend - 27/03/2016 23:27 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on my panties. Before I even questioned him, he explained that he "looks better in them anyway", and "gullible men on the internet pay good cash for pictures of my bubble butt in these things!". FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By sucksinseattle - 27/03/2016 23:17 - United States - Kent

Today, my bf was complaining we dont do enough together. Then did all the acitivities i came up with, with his best friend instead. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By shell714 - 27/03/2016 23:12 - United States - Hialeah

Today, of course is Easter. I work at Walmart and there are no other stores open today. This lady comes in and buys a whole bunch of Easter crap then starts yelling at me because its not half off. She was complaining that nothing was marked and there are no signs for a sale. The sale is tomorrow FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By thefamilysbacksheep - 27/03/2016 23:09 - Brazil

Today, my father told me that when he dies, he won't leave anything for me in his testament. It'll all be given to his wife and other daughter. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Third-Wheel - 27/03/2016 23:08 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to the mall with my best friend, glad I wouldn't have to third-wheel it again with her and her girlfriend. Not only did she spend the whole time crying about how much she missed her girlfriend, she ended up using my phone to text her when hers died. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Posture - 27/03/2016 22:46 - Panama - Pueblo Nuevo

Today, I decided to try improving my posture to reduce back pain. Now my family won't stop calling me "Proper Pierre." FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By hanipuff - 27/03/2016 22:43 - Mexico - Hermosillo

Today, I prevented a fly from getting inside my house with a quick hand movement. This is the only thing that has given me any kind of entertainment during springbreak. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 22:18 - United States - Ottawa

Today, I was taking a shower and was singing with the song that was playing from my phone. I got out and found a note on my fridge saying "Hello I was going to rob you but heard the song playing and immediately changed my mind. P.S. I did make myself a sandwich."

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 22:09 - United States - West Covina

Today, I got my two bottom wisdom teeth surgically removed. After I was finished, I had to go get my pain pills from the pharmacy. I went to 4 different pharmacies and none of them had the strong pain pill I needed. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 22:02 - United States - Park Ridge

Today, my niece mixed her Play-Doh to be brown. Then she threw it at me. I don't think Play-Doh is supposed to smell like a sewer. Happy Easter. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Rattatats - 27/03/2016 22:01 - United States

Today, I was at an Easter party with a boy I like. Amazingly, he told me that he liked me. We started getting steamy, but when we got in the bedroom he told me about his wedgie fetish. I let him put me in a hanging wedgie. He then laughed at me, and left me. My panties still haven't ripped. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By ringaroundtherosie - 27/03/2016 21:55 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, I had a one night stand with a new guy. Not even two minutes into it, my vaginal ring came out and wrapped around his dick. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By birdybabe - 27/03/2016 21:51 - United States - Corning

Today, I was feeling frisky, so I tried to get my bf in the mood. I didn't realize he was playing a computer game at first. That is until he told me sex wasn't worth pausing the game. Fml

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, before watching the new Pinocchio, we decided to watch the cartoon one from the 1940’s. Turns out, when I was a kid, the scene where the evil Coachman’s face turns demonic traumatised me. I’d forgotten until I saw the face again. I’m 56 years-old but I froze up and peed myself in my armchair. FML

agreeclassic 1 264

vote type 1 297

Today, I was cleaning my old neighbor's bathroom, because he asked me to and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I was getting paid. He told me to "get the floor pearly white." So I scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed. Turns out the floor tiles are naturally a dull yellowish. I didn't get paid. FML

agreeclassic 51 743

vote type 1 5 836

Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML

agreeclassic 31 035

vote type 1 3 045

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

agreeclassic 8 219

vote type 1 39 594

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

agreeclassic 2 757

vote type 1 156

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML

agreeclassic 59 304

vote type 1 2 779