Nearly FMLs

By theresponsibleone - 27/03/2016 10:44 - United States - North Bend

Today, I agreed to be the sober driver while going with my friends to a party. One of them passed out on the way home and then proceeded to puke IN my purse... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ThisIsAUSTRALIA - 27/03/2016 10:30 - Australia - Castle Hill

Today my American foreign exchange student who I'm hosting said to me "you really need to clean your house", because he found that a spider was living in his wardrobe. This is a house in the middle of the Australian bush 30km to the nearest town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 09:34 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I "loved" a picture on Facebook. It was a picture a friend put of his girlfriend and her child. Also, I might be pregnant. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By c - 27/03/2016 09:21 - Australia

Today, after my dog somehow climbed up onto the table and ate my unopened Easter Chocolate, my dad helped himself to the replacement chocolate my mum bought me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By random_person243 - 27/03/2016 08:42 - United States - Kihei

Today, while trying to relax in the bathtub with an aroma therapy candle lit, my cat decided it would be a good idea to sit on the candle and light herself on fire. It still smells like burnt ass in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Bricktothehead - 27/03/2016 08:31 - United States - Tujunga

Today, I discovered what it's like to shart in your sleep. I sleep naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 08:19 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was comforting my friend about her abusive ex and realized in the process my current bf is emotionally abusive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By prdicek - 27/03/2016 07:42 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, me and my boyfriend were having amazing sex. After he came and pulled out I sneezed, covering him in his own semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By cantbelieveit97 - 27/03/2016 07:35 - United States

Today, I realized its time to lose weight when I was changing in front of my boyfriend and he grabbed my vagina and asked "aw. Is it swollen?" No sweetheart, its just fat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By IMSORRYFML - 27/03/2016 07:16 - United States - Fresno

Today, I was sexting my boyfriend and accidentally send it to my uncle. I had to call my aunt to have her delete it off his phone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By flossingpancake - 27/03/2016 07:11 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after brushing my teeth, I rinsed my mouth out. Afterwords I meant to shake my hands off over the ground and spit water into the sink, except my brain decided to spit water on the floor instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By RocketGirl92 - 27/03/2016 06:19 - United States - Savannah

Today, I spent the day throwing up. I inadvertently drugged myself last night while drunk after a failed attempt at a blind date. I thought I grabbed Tylenol when it was antibiotics for the dog. Needless to say, I've learned my lesson. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By allpoopedout - 27/03/2016 06:17 - United States - Jasper

Today, while visiting at my parents to let my daughter hunt easter eggs, I went to sit down after a long day, only to realize I sat in dog shit, apparently my grandmas dog "loves to shit in that chair" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Osopanda - 27/03/2016 06:13 - United States - Tujunga

Today, I had to cancel my birthday dinner due to illness and being admitted in the hospital, not one of my friends so much as texted/called to see how I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fucking bunny - 27/03/2016 06:06 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was dying Easter eggs with my nephews. One of them got purple die on my neck. My boyfriend saw and swore it was a hickey. He dumped me. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By PPP - 27/03/2016 05:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom was showing me pictures from her phone and some guy kept messaging her on Facebook. I accused her of cheating on my dad because I've seen him messaging her before. Just as my mom showed me the message log to prove nothing is going on, he sends a dick pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By HylianBadger - 27/03/2016 05:52 - United States

Today, I found 200 pages of important documents that were missing required signatures before our project could be released. My reward? "Great. Now we have to postpone the delivery because you decided not to let it slide." I literally saved thousands of dollars the company could have lost. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 05:51 - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that not only did my mom used to be a pornstar, she named me after her pornstar name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By meee - 27/03/2016 05:35

Today, while my 3 year old daughter told me she didn't like her Barbie dolls anymore, an hour later I caught her cutting off one of the Barbie doll heads with a saw from the garage.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By happybirthdaytome - 27/03/2016 05:34 - United States - Midland

Today, my boyfriend decided it was as good as any day to finally confess he's been cheating on me and wants to break up. I guess it would have been, if it wasn't also my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By only me... - 27/03/2016 05:31 - United States - Gonzales

Today, I finally got a positive pregnancy test after years of infertility and my husband and I spending thousands of dollars trying. too bad we are in the middle of a divorce because I couldn't give him children, and I decided to have a boost my confidence fling...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By diabetic08 - 27/03/2016 05:22 - United States - Huntley

Today, I went over to my grandparents house for Easter. They had an egg hunt for the kids, and they were plastic eggs filled w/ money and candy. Which sounds awesome right? Yeah, except this year the squirrels took eggs and a total of $20 and 15 pieces of candy. We found pieces of chewed eggs FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 05:14 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was admitted to the er after talking to my obgyn. The PA looks at me and says "Go home, I don't have a magic pill to stop your period" this was 2 hours after I was released from the same hospital for abnormal bleeding after being on my period for 3 months straight.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By DoggyProtector - 27/03/2016 05:10 - United States - Ooltewah

Today, I was walking my puppy and a little boy ran up and asked if he could pet her. I nicely said no because she is scared of little kids. He then proceeded to run up to my dog and punched her nose. As soon as I yelled at the brat his dad ran up and chewed me out for yelling at his son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By whythehelldid - 27/03/2016 05:08 - United States

Today, somehow my brother put jalapeños on my fingers while sleeping and I woke up to use the bathroom, I ended up burning my dick and it still hurts. My parents said "he is to little to know or think about doing that". And they went ahead without believing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 27/03/2016 05:07 - United States - Ironwood

Today, I had anal sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Well I guess he went to fast because when he pulled out, I ended up shitting all over in the backseat of his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By PPP - 27/03/2016 05:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at Outback Steakhouse I went to the washroom. All the stalls had fancy floor length doors with either green or red on the door handle. I walked into a green one to find a very obese lady screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ijustcantwin - 27/03/2016 04:54 - United States - Summit

Today, I finally got up the nerve to tell my brother that I don't like the way he treats me. In the middle of it my mom walked in the room, started to defend him, and then yelled at me and told me I need to stop being so mean to him. No wonder he thinks he can say whatever he wants to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By love_electra - 27/03/2016 04:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got pulled over for the first time, I got so nervous I projectile vomited all over my steering steel, myself, and my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By mylonius - 27/03/2016 04:26 - United States - Verndale

Today, I was woken up at midnight by a crowing rooster. I live in the middle of a city. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 237

You deserved it 2 087

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 115

You deserved it 6 556

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 110

You deserved it 20 387

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 365

You deserved it 2 970

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 282

You deserved it 5 079

Today, I came back to my dorm only to hear my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was just thinking when I said, "At least do it against the other wall," but when I was left later on, he walked by, apologized and said that he thought I wasn't home, and promised to be more quiet next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 571