Nearly FMLs

By MLS - 28/03/2016 15:53 - United States - Renton

Today, My girlfriend just told me that she was pregnant, but I haven't even got to 2nd base with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 15:40 - Croatia - Slavonski Brod

Today, I woke up to the sound of my father kissing my mother, two meters away from me. It wouldn't be so weird, had she not started moaning. I hoped it would end up shortly. It went on for full fifteen minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Happy Easter - 28/03/2016 15:28 - United States - Fairborn

Yesterday, after watching prank videos, I decided to jumpscare people in a park while wearing an Easter Bunny costume. I scared two cops. Result? I got hit in the face with a baton, shot with a taser, and arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By B-ryeTheScienceGuy - 28/03/2016 15:26 - United States - Chester

Today, I woke up to the sounds of fire alarms and smoke just to find out my 6 year old son was burning waffles with a lighter downstairs in the kitchen FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ApparentlyI'mXL - 28/03/2016 15:23 - United States

Today, I bought underwear for the first time in a while. I bought a size up from normal because I've put on weight recently. I looked at them and was like "No way these will fit, they're huge!" I tried them on. They were too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Millionman24 - 28/03/2016 15:23 - United States - Mooresville

Today, my mother called me an Asshole and said she hates me all because I said something kind about my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By annabee95 - 28/03/2016 15:19 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I have to go back to Europe to visit my family. Last time I went back, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me, and I lost our child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By MurderMelons - 28/03/2016 15:06 - Denmark

Today, after months of confrontations and fights, my boyfriend came clean and admitted to his cheating. He then begged me to stay, and afterwards asked if he could just keep her on the side, while being with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anon - 28/03/2016 15:06

Today, I found out the only reason my boyfriend started dating me is because I look like his favorite pornstar. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 14:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she likes another person. We've been dating for 5 years. The other person is a girl...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By unhappy bunny - 28/03/2016 14:10 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I took the recent break up with my boyfriend rather badly as I have now eaten my way through 18 full Easter eggs I bought from 5 different shops as I was too embarrassed to buy them all from the same place FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TrippyEyes - 28/03/2016 13:47 - United States - West Bloomfield

Today, i realized just how bad i need to start working out when for the past month I've been unable to fully "please" myself because my arm keeps getting too tired before i can finish. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By FrumpyTrump - 28/03/2016 13:45 - United States - Golden

Today, I noticed that someone had put bumber stickers on my car. One said guns are my hands. One said god is my copilot and the other said vote for Trump. They will not come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Virginia - 28/03/2016 13:45 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I hadn't heard back about a job application for my dream position. They said I didn't get it and not to try again, because putting "Vagina" as my name obviously showed that my application was just a prank. My name is Virginia. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By brokeandhairy - 28/03/2016 13:32 - United States - Houston

Today, me and my boyfriend were getting it on, I haven't had a razor in a week or so, so naturally my hair down there was growing, when were about to go further he spread my legs and asked permission to enter the "hobbit hole" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By yourhouseplant - 28/03/2016 13:29 - United States - Compton

Today, I had so little sleep I fell a sleep while taking a dump. I wake up about an hour late with 2 missed calls from my boss. I try to get up but I was on the toilet to a point where I couldn't move my legs. I'm fired, and stuck on the toilet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By MadeIn2015 - 28/03/2016 13:13 - United States - Riverview

Today, while going in for a job interview after being laid off for awhile now, I convinced myself that my anxiety wasn't going to stop me from making this interview count. 2 minutes into the interview, I started stuttering and forgetting what to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SmileItOff - 28/03/2016 12:52 - Australia - Chippendale

Today, after being employed for the last four years on a farm straight out of high school, i had to resign due to a death in the family and move back to the city with my family.Turns out that you cant get employed anywhere in the city if you are 21 and have no experience in other fields of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By novdestiny - 28/03/2016 12:08 - Australia - Canberra

Today, my housemate texted asking me to keep down the late night sex noises. I was asleep. Alone. but I guess at least my neighbors had a good night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Shit Helper - 28/03/2016 11:47 - United States - Cope

Today, I had to pull a piece of hair out of my dogs butt after she has swallowed it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 11:46 - United States - Moraga

Today I checked my profile on a dating site. Four of the last six people to view my profile aren't even in the same country as I. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By echarlotte - 28/03/2016 11:41 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boyfriend of one month told me he wanted to wait until marriage to have sex. This would've been fine, except he begged me to buy condoms only a week ago for our 'sexy nights together'. I'm not sure what sexy nights he's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By thumper - 28/03/2016 11:36 - Australia

Today, I woke up with a thumping headache and a sister screaming because she just got her period. I left my Panadol in my Dads car and he's at work, and to top it off next door has started loud renovations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By CatMan - 28/03/2016 11:19 - Ireland - Swords

Today, I woke up from a drunken night with six cats walking all over me. I have no memory of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 11:17 - United States - New York

Today my husband is in a horrible mood because he has an ear infection and is in massive pain. I took him to the doctor who prescribed him drops that cost $50. We tried to persuade her to write him some pills which are more effective but she refused. He is worse now. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By saxyguy - 28/03/2016 10:45 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, I finished a 100-mile sponsored cycle ride. I had been telling people I had blue balls from my saddle sore for a few hours before my friend took me aside and explained what blue balls meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 28/03/2016 10:00 - United States - Tempe

Today, I visited some family friends who happen to be super catholic. Upon hearing that I am living with two guys, one of them proceeds to berate me for "living in sin." I'm a lesbian. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sharethepride - 28/03/2016 09:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my parents support Trump when my mother made excuses for him when he said he could shoot someone and not lose any voters. She then disowned me for talking shit about him on Facebook. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By It_Gets_Better - 28/03/2016 09:21 - United States - Apo

Today, upon observing me and my boyfriend of two years, my dad called me a slut. The offensive thing my boyfriend did? Kiss my forehead before hugging me goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By thetacosniper - 28/03/2016 09:15 - United States - Northridge

Today, I got suspended for having a picture of a swastika in a presentation about the Nazi party.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I procrastinated so much on asking out the guy I like that this morning I had to wish him a happy first wedding anniversary. Yes, I procrastinated so much that he had time to date someone else, get engaged and married, and make it to the first anniversary, and I still love him. God I’m pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 854

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 470

You deserved it 6 867

Today, I performed in a rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar at my school. When it came time for my big solo, a whopping two lines, I forgot the words, making for an awkward eight seconds of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 644

You deserved it 9 723

Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 936

You deserved it 4 542

Today, something in my shoe was bothering me at work. After about 30 minutes, I finally had a chance to fix it. There was a squashed lizard in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 921

You deserved it 540

Today, I’m on a highly undesired family vacation with my sisters and their spouses. One sister can’t stop attacking her husband‘s short comings, and the other is having an anxiety attack her wife is woefully unprepared to deal with. Better you than me, Cuñados. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 100