Nearly FMLs

By Shallow_Dream - 27/03/2016 04:23 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I was playing a video game with a mic, and we reached a very long part that took forever with not much to do, so I decided to occupy myself by watching porn. I had to say something over my mic to the team, and forgot to turn of the porn. they all heard it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By That Girl - 27/03/2016 04:13 - United States - Tully

Today, I realized that two of my boyfriends thighs are smaller than one of my thighs. He is a pretty average sized man. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By NowSingle - 27/03/2016 03:52 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I was walking around with my girlfriend on 1 year when a random girl I have never seem before came up to me, slapped me and called me a cheating asshole. Then my girlfriend slapped me again and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Depressed and Scarred - 27/03/2016 03:44 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, My girlfriend of five years, that has shared with me the most amazing relationship I can imagine, decided she's going to leave me because of a "Really nice guy" she met on World of Warcraft. Her words being, "There's more to a relationship than amazing sex and spending time with me." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By teasi - 27/03/2016 03:43 - Australia

Today, I visited my grandmother in the nursing home for Easter Sunday. I didn't even get a hello from her, just a 'gee, you've packed on the weight'. My mother then gave me an Easter egg to make me feel better. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fuckidontknow98 - 27/03/2016 03:24 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I got accepted to the college of my dreams. Too bad I can't afford it and don't qualify for any scholarships or student loans. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 27/03/2016 03:21 - Australia - Adelaide

Today I found my name in my boyfriends internet history... On porn sites. Apparently he needed to check I wasn't a porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SheNamedMeGonzo - 27/03/2016 03:17 - United States - Boise

Today, my girlfriend and I were sexting, and her phone broke, so she couldn't delete the texts or close the texting app. The employee fixing her phone, upon fixing it saw my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ugh - 27/03/2016 03:14 - Australia - Parrearra

Today, just before i was about to get intimate with myself, i found maggots all over my 'toy'. i have no idea how they got there but im scared. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By you_lyin - 27/03/2016 03:01 - United States - La Marque

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me she wasn't ready for a relationship and she was depressed. My friend told me she told him that she broke up with me becasue she thought I was always talking shit about her behind her back. Not once did I say anything bad about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By lulinator - 27/03/2016 03:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my eight year old daughter pooped her pants because she was too lazy to pause her 3DS to go to the bathroom. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 4

By catsareassholes - 27/03/2016 03:57 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, my cat took a dump and farted so loud it scared the shit out of him so he ran. All around the house, with poop and farts chasing him, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By I don't have freckles - 27/03/2016 03:56 - United States - Clarksville

Today, my four year old sister said I have A LOT of freckles. She was talking about my pimples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By kelseyhickey01 - 27/03/2016 03:52 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to ask the boy I like for his number, he said yes. I typed his number in my phone as he said it aloud. Later, when I decide to text him I discover that his number never saved in my phone, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By IHateMyRoommate - 27/03/2016 03:51 - United States - Neenah

Today, I thought my disgusting slob of a roommate was turning over a new leaf when I heard her vacuuming and cleaning this morning. Turns out she found ants in her landfill of a room. Now that she destroyed their home they've become nomadic and are everywhere in the apartment, including my room.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By cancersucks - 27/03/2016 03:49 - United States - Miami

Today, I was diagnosed with cancer. My wife didn't want to be paying my medical bills, so she thought she would just leave me. My work didn't want to give me pay during my vacation either, so they let me go as well. So I'm not getting any income, and I have to pay these bills. kms, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By RandomJam124 - 27/03/2016 03:45 - United States - Hoboken

Today, I told my brother to go clean the dishes and he attacked me. My mom told me that I shouldn't have provoked him. I was getting him to help me because she had been complaining. I don't even live at home and didn't use any dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 27/03/2016 03:37 - United States - Miami

Today, I went to my doctor for a regular health checkup. Turns out, I have rare deformity. At early development my testicles never fully developed a sack, and what I thought were balls this whole time were two cancerous tumors growing below my groin. My life is a lie, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 03:33 - United States

Today, I managed to get my hands on a gram of pot. It's been about a week since the last time I had any. I'm not allowed to smoke where I'm staying so I keep a small pipe hidden under the porch. Long story short, I inhaled a spider. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 03:31 - United States - Ormond Beach

Today, I was on pornhub, and I saw myself as one of the live camera people. I click on it and sure enough it was me. Turns out my friend hacked my computer to log into pornhub every time I turn my computer on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 1

By Sadness - 27/03/2016 03:28 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, we had to put down our cat which we loved very much. My son asked if we thought that because it's Easter Sunday he might raise again from the dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ayylmaoo - 27/03/2016 03:26 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, after taking a dump, I took the roll of paper out since it wouldn't spin. My hand slipped, and the entire roll fell into the toilet. I hadn't flushed yet, and I had to fish it out of the toilet with my hands so I could flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Babysitter Problems - 27/03/2016 01:49 - United States - Milford

Today, I was babysitting two little girls. We went for a walk in the woods around their creek. One girl tripped and I reached out to grab her, this caused me to trip as well. I landed in the cold water, with a child on me, and a pricker bush attached to my arm. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By atomicxsarah - 27/03/2016 01:31 - United States

Today, while I was waiting on a guy at work he asked when my baby was due. This is the second time now I've had to tell someone I'm not pregnant just fat. Guess I better lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 01:31 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was yelled at by my parents for an hour for getting rejected from UC Berkeley, while simultaneously comparing my existence to others who are "better than me in every aspect." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Periods. - 27/03/2016 01:27 - United States

Today, I had an interview and started good until I felt like I had to pee. Turns out I started my period and stained the chair I was on talking to the manager. I got the job but I'm to embarrassed to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Cas_dat_ass - 27/03/2016 01:17 - United States - Winter Haven

Today, at work no one told me the icecream machine wasn't working so I pulled the lever to fill a cone and hot icecream liquid exploded all over me and I still had to work the rest of my 8 hour shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By whatsyourproblem - 27/03/2016 00:58 - United States - Chicago

Just now, my 91 year old aunt asked about my weight for the fifth time today. First, she casually asked how much I weighed, which was fine until she started guessing numbers. In front of my cousins. I am extremely self conscious and she always does this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By fucking hypocrites - 27/03/2016 00:39 - United States

Today, after I got back from working my 8 hour shift, my mom screamed at me for 2 hours about being lazy and ungrateful. Literally 20 minutes after the fight she called me into the living room, while she laid on the couch, and asked me to make her a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By henotshe - 27/03/2016 00:32 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I came out to my mother and asked if I could go into therapy for my anxiety problems. Her response? "They don't cater to he-she's, you know". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I hope to tell my roommate that I want to leave and never look back, because I'm done with the bird and the dogs and the hair and shit everywhere. I can't anymore. My brain is going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 96

Today, time is going by way too fast and I don't know what I'm even doing with my life anymore. I realized all I do is sit in bed all day and mope. I'm such a boring person. How did this happen? FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 546

Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 917

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 066

You deserved it 1 110

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh." Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 771

You deserved it 4 471

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 278

You deserved it 7 321