Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 03:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went to visit my recently deceased grandmother at the cemetary. There was a dildo there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By senor_octubre - 29/03/2016 02:56 - United States - San Angelo

Today, I had a conversation that my girlfriend that started with, "I really love you." And ended with, "and that's why I slept with my ex." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Oops - 29/03/2016 02:56 - United States - Portland

Today, after being very stressed at work, the owner of the company asked how things were going. I replied "Go, aneurysm!" He then told me that his mom had just died of an aneurysm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By lattemug - 29/03/2016 02:53 - United States - New Britain

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to sneak up on me and scream "more cowbell!" into my ear, and clang a cowbell. What he didn't know was that I had an ear infection. I had to go to the emergency room, only to be told that I had a ruptured eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By itsjuan - 29/03/2016 02:49 - United States - Minot

Today, my new iPhone 6s Plus got stollen. I also had a hundred dollars inside the case. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By savisnotsavvy - 29/03/2016 02:48 - United States - Moultrie

Today, doctors told me my stomach is no longer working as it should and I may need a tube to eat. It's my birthday tomorrow and we have reservations for a fancy restaurant we can't cancel, my family still insists on going and eating for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Zero_TAlent_ - 29/03/2016 02:48 - United States - Gettysburg

Today, the drummer for my band stole the band's $200 deposit for a rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By cryevertime - 29/03/2016 02:47 - United States - Ossining

Today, I found my mothers period blood on the toilet seat. This is not the first time this has happened. I don't know how I am supposed to talk to her about it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 02:42

Today, my roommate went out for his weekly meeting, and I was making out with my girlfriend, who was topless. Of course, the one day I was getting it on with my girlfriend, my roommate had to come back early. I also threw my girlfriend onto a tile floor when the door unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 29/03/2016 02:24 - United States

Today, I moved in with the guy I settled for... for the love of my life to tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By myfriendsaretheworstfriendsever - 29/03/2016 02:14 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I found out that all of my friends have detailed plans on how they want to kill me involving torture. Even my teacher and family jokes about my death! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By KneeJerker - 29/03/2016 02:10 - United States

Today, my best friend went through an extreme depression cycle, on which she wanted to kill herself. Her dad doesn't care, she's been through therapy, her mom can't help, and the federal CPS officers brushed her off. People wonder why kids don't ask for help, then do stuff like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 02:09 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my mother came into my room , smoking, and told me to tidy up. 15 minutes later she came back and complained about the smell of smoke in my room. She won't believe it was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By drummerchick44 - 29/03/2016 02:03 - United States - Nashua

Today, I walked outside to get the mail when my elderly neighbor saw me and waved then said "Nice pants" I then looked down and realized I was wearing pajama pants from Spencer's that said "After Sex Pants" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By -.- - 29/03/2016 01:59

Today, I finally landed a date with a girl that I had really liked for years, as I was walking her home her boyfriend pegged cow shit at me from his car while taking a video which he proceeded to post on instagram. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By mike424 - 29/03/2016 01:57 - United States - Paterson

Today, I tried using snap chat to send my girlfriend a picture of my penis. Her name is Jenna and my sisters name is Jenny. I accidentally sent it to my sister without realizing it. Now my sister calls me 'little brother'. I'm 3 years older than her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By BatteryOperatedGirlfriend - 29/03/2016 01:40 - United States - Moundsville

Today, I was having cyber sex with my girlfriend over video chat. Mid-orgasm, my foot hit the power button on my computer, shutting off both our connection and my USB-powered vibrator. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Derek - 29/03/2016 01:25 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I walked into a deli and got a sandwich. On my way out, I totally forgot to pay. The lady at the counter called the cops. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 01:22 - United States - Stockbridge

Today my husband told me he thinks he's gay. We got married 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By third wheel vacation - 29/03/2016 01:15 - United States - Frisco

Today, I paid $200 to fly to Colorado to see a friend, only to sit on her boyfriend's couch to watch videos of speed eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 01:02 - Australia - Albany

Today, I woke up with excruciating back pain, so intense that doing anything but lying down is nearly impossible. I'm supposed to drive nearly 5 hours back to the city today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By PickEm - 29/03/2016 00:54 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I learned that the man I had a two-year affair with plead guilty to murdering a homeless mother of 5. He broke it off with me..to kill? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By poop - 29/03/2016 00:39 - United States - Stone Mountain

Today, I was watching tv when suddenly my braces hooked so far in my cheek I could feel it in the outside of my face. I couldn't get it out for 20 minutes, when I finally did I was so happy I felt inside my mouth and accidently hooked it back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By CobaltMMs - 29/03/2016 00:31 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I got mugged in my apartment building... By an old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By stealing - 29/03/2016 00:29 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was at the gym and when I was done working out I went to get my stuff just to find that my brand new, very expensive sweater was stolen from my locker. Not only was I upset about losing the sweater, but I had to walk 20 minutes back to my friends house in the freezing cold. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Gontiscious - 29/03/2016 00:23 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend as a "date" only to find out she invited her girl friends and having me stuck in the car for 3 hours while they shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 00:14 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, my flatmate is sitting in her room laughing at something on the Internet. That shouldn't bother a person but she has the sense of humour of a four year old and finds everything hilarious. I'm sitting here trying not to get too angry. I hate PMS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 00:10 - Australia - Albany

Today, I woke up after yet another restless nights sleep. Turns out my antidepressants give me wildly vivid and fucked up dreams - so now I have to choose between being so depressed I can't do anything, and not getting any sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By FailoutBoy - 28/03/2016 23:59 - United States - Ames

Today, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been too much of a problem, if it weren't for my broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By harrypotterfan22 - 28/03/2016 23:55 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my body and immune system hate me. In about six weeks I've managed to get a stomach bug, UTI, head lice and now a head cold. All within weeks of eachother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 047

You deserved it 49 406

Today, I was talking with a coworker about movie actors. I was trying to remember Forest Whitaker’s name and I blurted out, “the droopy-eyed King of Scotland.” Boy, did I get some looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 280

Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 428

You deserved it 11 312

Today, a noisy little kid in the bus seated behind me asked his mom loudly, "Why is that big man watching cartoons for girls?" Me and the guy next to me, who too was watching on his phone, paused for a bit. He smirked, shaking his head, laughing under his breath. He was watching anime; I was watching My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 983

Today, I forgot my father’s birthday. My father means the world to me, I just have a shit memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 434

Today, a man having a breakdown was trashing the shop, and I was talking to him, calming him down, when an old guy popped up out of nowhere and hit him in the back of the head, out cold in seconds. He then looked at me and told me, "That’s how you deal with crazy people. You need to grow a pair, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 238