Nearly FMLs

By chelseaclaire - 30/03/2016 17:24 - United States - Riverside

Today, I hooked up with a guy. After we were done and he had already cum, he told me he got tested two weeks ago. And he has herpes. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Steen757 - 30/03/2016 17:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was watching my son run around my living room. He paused to poop in his diaper. I got up to change him, he started to run, tripped and created a fountain that when up his back, in his hair and all over the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By cupcakebruh - 30/03/2016 17:20 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I told my boyfriend I was in the mood for pizza, and he told me we could have it for dinner tonight. When I brought it back up, he said that he's gonna wait till Saturday, when he has his friends over. That would be fine if it weren't for the fact that I won't be here on Saturday.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 17:10 - Canada - North York

Today, my grandma cooked me a "chicken" dinner and I haven't seen my dog in days. Turns out I ate my dog. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 17:07 - Japan - Yokohama

Today, I agreed to stay at my old job for an extra week to help train my replacement. However, my boss decided to send me to a training course instead because he's required to send someone in his department. I complained to his superior and was told I'm being "rewarded" for all my hard work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By missingmyfriend - 30/03/2016 16:51 - United States - Richmond

Today, my best friend and I live 700 miles apart. We try to talk all the time, but she's been ignoring my texts and dodging my phone calls lately, all because I forgot to call her back three days ago after I had to hang up unexpectedly. I've called her four times since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 16:44 - United States - San Antonio

Today at work I had to take some boxes to the dumpster. Since I was outside, I seized the opportunity to let out a fart where nobody would notice. I didn't realize my coworker had followed me out to make a phone call until I turned to go back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By sanzio23 - 30/03/2016 15:46 - United States

Today, I went out for drinks with some co-workers and had a good time. Only to come to work the next day hearing a bunch of stories about how I embarrassed myself. None of it is true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By BRoss - 30/03/2016 15:44 - United States - Newark

Me, a female, have been in what was a wonderful relationship with a beautiful girl for about a month. Last week, while she was getting ready for our date I heard her gasp. I stepped into her bathroom to find her pulling a used condom out of her vagina. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By faebun - 30/03/2016 15:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was packing for my move when I realized that my cat had twice as many boxes of stuff as me. I'm not a minimalist, I'm just poor and spoil my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Sludgy - 30/03/2016 15:33 - Denmark - Gram

Todya, I spent most of my day off cleaning the entire place. As I finally got to a much needed shower, the place flooded. I decided to pull myself together and deal with it and opened up the drain to clean it out. It didn't work. I'm now covered in sewer sluidge and still can't shower. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 15:29 - Canada - Welland

Today, my identical twin sister met my boyfriend for the first time. The first thing she said to him was "I'm the better looking twin" winked at him and walked away. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By JamesB - 30/03/2016 15:15 - United States

Today, while loading the bellboy cart to move to a different hotel room, I noticed that my luggage had been thrown on the floor. When I asked my parents about it, they said that they needed to make room for their luggage and that I could carry my own. It weighs more than me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By rickytickytavi7 - 30/03/2016 15:14 - Canada - Mississauga

Today my boss noticed I had a loose thread on my sweater, and pulled it. We then awkwardly stood there as my entire sweater unraveled, revealing most of my torso and bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By CaptainHonor - 30/03/2016 14:27 - United States - Richmond

Today, someone stole all of my laundry. Now I have nothing left to wear except the pajama top and bottom I'm currently wearing.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By bexause - 30/03/2016 14:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, while on the bus, I yawned. As I was yawning, the guy in front of me popped a pimple on his neck, into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By friendlyfailure - 30/03/2016 13:59 - United States - Escondido

Today, I'm Extremely nauseous and incredibly hungry at the same time, but I can't eat anything because if I do, I'll puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 13:54 - Canada - Vancouver

Today I woke up from a dream where my depression manifested itself into a person I recognized. It was Donald Trump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By CdaleProphet26 - 30/03/2016 13:23 - United States - Perkasie

Today, I crashed my mountain bike resulting in a large bloody scrape on my lower left leg. Did I miss a big jump or crash gloriously after a stunt? No I fell over at low speed onto some pointy rocks. I ride flat pedals so I wasn't even clipped in for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By dogestuffup - 30/03/2016 13:19 - Jordan - Amman

Today, I was in a 5-hour-long flight. It turned out that the passenger beside me is an author I admire. Halfway into the flight, my little son poured a whole glass of mango juice on his suit, and as if that wasn't enough, he vomited on both of us minutes later. Thanks, son. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Serviteur - 30/03/2016 13:07 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I was riding with my carpool to school, and when we arrived I had decided to save time, by walking in front of her car. Only she had decided she was going to start driving the second I stepped off the curb...so I started off my day getting hit by a car, and getting honked at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By greywolf19k - 30/03/2016 12:46 - United States - Havelock

Today, I was building a plastic model kit. I didn't notice that I knocked my super glue off the table and put my flip flop directly into a puddle of it. I got up, tripped, and bashed my head on the table. My model is smashed, I need stitches, and I can't get my flip flop out of the carpet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By toolazytotype99 - 30/03/2016 12:42 - United States

Today, while at work I had to crawl under a house to run the wire. While under there, I saw a light coming from up above and crawled towards it. Turns out somebody likes to dump used condoms under their house.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By InPain - 30/03/2016 12:09 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I sprained my ankle and fell in glass outside my apartment. Not one of my neighbors helped me, and the elevator was broken, leaving me to limp to the third floor so I could call someone who actually cared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Jude117 - 30/03/2016 11:51 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, I was horny so I got in the shower while my boyfriend was shaving in hopes that he'd see me and make a move. He saw me in the mirror and said, "You're so pretty". Then he walked right out. Looks like I'm stuck with masturbating. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 11:47 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after months of telling my roommate and best friend that I'm severely allergic to cats, I told her that her 2 cats need to go, as the landlord wants them gone now. She'd rather leave with her cats than live with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By IamHM - 30/03/2016 11:44 - United States - Albuquerque

Today I was getting blood drawn when I had a violent and very painful muscle spasm in my leg, causing me to kick the nurse, which made her drop the vials of my blood which shattered and sprayed blood all over. I had to get re-drawn and the nurse didn't believe me about the muscle spasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By May - 30/03/2016 11:26 - India - Mumbai

Today,I asked my boyfriend if I was perfect in his eyes. He said no and that he didn't care about perfection. I was pleased until I heard him mutter,''If you were perfect,I wouldn't be cheating on you.'' FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By tigermik - 30/03/2016 11:05 - Australia

Today, my period was a few days late, because of this I started to wonder if I was pregnant. That was before I remembered I'm a virgin...and a lesbian, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By KillMe - 30/03/2016 10:29 - United Kingdom

Today I returned to the flat I share with my sister to discover that my Mum had turned up unannounced and had been staying in my room while I was away. There's no way she didn't see my open kink/toy drawer, my cane marked "bondage boutique" on the floor, and my purple butt plug in the en suite. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 431

You deserved it 1 549

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 419

You deserved it 1 384

Today, I finally got my son to go for a run. He broke his neck 4 months ago and has been playing video games the entire time. I was a competitive runner once and run everyday. He kicked my ass, 21 minutes for the first 5k and he sped up. He was back playing video games when I finally got home. I think I lost a lung on the trails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 639

Today, I got a cross-country job promotion. I decided to plan my Going-Away-Forever party, and bought a pack of 100 invitations. After mailing them out to all my friends, I have 92 left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 87

Today, as I returned from work, a cat was meowing at me in a bush. I said hi to it and walked inside. Then I noticed one of my cats was nowhere to be found. After a bit of panicking, I finally figured out that cat in the bush was MY cat, and he was meowing because he was stuck. I don't know how he got outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 211

Today, I was in my hot tub with my brand new phone. I set it down and when I grabbed my towel I knocked it into the water. I quickly snatched it up and dried it off with the towel and suprisingly only one button stopped working. It was the unlock button, a perfectly good phone that I can't use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 896

You deserved it 47 947