Nearly FML

By anonymous - 29/03/2016 23:57 - United States - Waterford

Today, I learned that my father had "borrowed" a bit over $670 from me a couple weeks ago without telling me. FML.

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By faebun - 29/03/2016 23:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I texted my mom that I wanted a deep dick pizza instead of a deep dish pizza. FML

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By Horcruxo - 29/03/2016 23:48 - United Kingdom - Harrogate

Today, my cat threw up on my face while I slept. FML

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By hayhaygrlll - 29/03/2016 23:44 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was told by my ex, who I've realized I still like, that I am a slut and he never wanted to see me again for having sex with another guy. We weren't dating at the time this happened. FML

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By bottjengirl - 29/03/2016 23:42 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I woke up to the sound of my dog peeing. When I got up to clean it up, I stepped in a pile of his poop. After I had gotten everything cleaned up, I got into bed only to discover that he had pooped there as well. FML

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By idoogo - 29/03/2016 23:34 - Germany - Wuppertal

Today I stole plastic shot cups from my friend's basement because I have no clean dishes to drink water from at home. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By UnluckyHoax - 29/03/2016 23:28 - United States - Saint Johnsville

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends telling them a story. The whole place full of two hundred people fell silent just as I was yelling and singing," Spongebob SquarePants!" Some of the stares I got said it all. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 23:10 - United States - Missouri City

Today, during the cleanup after an amazing round of sex, I noticed that my boyfriend's "future children" for some reason smell like straight up peanuts. Peanuts. I can now not un-smell this. FML

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By MakeAmericaGr9again - 29/03/2016 23:09 - United States - Fremont

Today, I realized that there is actually a chance Trump might become president. FML

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By DJADHD - 29/03/2016 23:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came to work and found a pulley and belt in the parking lot. I was glad they weren't mine! Then I remembered that was where I parked last night. I looked under my hood and saw a belt missing. They are mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 22:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in our room. When we were finished, he left to go to the bathroom and walked in on my lesbian sister moaning and masturbating to the sound of our love making. FML.

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By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 22:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to break up a fight between middle schoolers for the fifth consecutive day that I've been at work. This would be understandable, but I work at a library and adults have a betting ring set up. FML.

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By OrangeIsTheNewBlack - 29/03/2016 22:12 - United States - Herndon

Today, a week before my gf, who lives quite far away, was finally supposed to move in with me, I get a call from jail... she was arrested and may be going to prison on serious charges. I am almost thirty, and while I've dated many girls, she is the only person I've ever really loved. FML

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By failedcondom - 29/03/2016 22:06 - Argentina - San Rafael

Today, I came back from my trip to Australia with photos, great memories and a souvenir from the hot guy I slept with, FML.

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By Bawsack - 29/03/2016 22:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm on the second day of a five day conference. I left my teenage siblings (16 and 19) at my house to keep an eye on the place and look after my pets. I apparently no longer have a kitchen and my vet needs my authorisation for emergency surgery. I can't go home until Friday. FML.

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By bullseye, I somehow thought that up without laughing - 29/03/2016 21:44 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, some drunk twat in the pub missed the dartboard. I am now in hospital waiting for the doctor to remove a dart from my eye socket. The tip is actually touching my eyeball. I can feel it scraping against it every time I move my eye to look at something, which is like once every second. FML

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By DelawaresFinest - 29/03/2016 21:27 - United States

Today, while I was still in bed, my little cousin came in and threw the cat on my face. The cat, obviously unhappy about being thrown, proceeded to launch off of my face, painfully scratching it, than attacked my cousin. Now he's telling my mom that I caused the cat to attack him. FML

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By notevensurprisedtbh - 29/03/2016 21:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while dying Easter eggs, my fiancé decided to write something on his egg with wax. Thus my family and I got to bear witness to the creation of a bright red Easter egg that said "Hail Satan 666". FML

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By vh_musiclover - 29/03/2016 21:10 - United States

Today, a "friend" went into my phone and swapped my boyfriends number with a professors. Let's just say things got interesting. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 21:10

Today, I discovered the feeling you get when you accidentally send a nude to your elderly grandmother. FML.

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By The_ghetto_mango - 29/03/2016 20:57 - United States - Peculiar

Today, as usual, I tried to summon the courage to call my crush. I succeeded, only to have him hang up after a odd sound. The sound was my dog, whimpering in pleasure as he rubbed his balls against my carpet. FML

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By yes I mean ex boyfriend - 29/03/2016 20:45 - United States - La Puente

Today, as I was getting on the bus I usually sit on with my boyfriend, I went to him and he said he was saving it, I thought nothing of it until a girl came sat next to him and he kissed her...FML

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By Dad_of_3 - 29/03/2016 20:35 - United States - Houston

Today, I had to explain to my 3 daughters that the bunny one of our rescued dogs was eating was NOT the Easter Bunny. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 20:32 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I went to work. I work at some crappy diner close to a highway. I went to wait a table when I noticed they had a dog. It looked at me, then walked over and pissed on my leg. FML

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By thatoneguy757 - 29/03/2016 20:32 - United States

Today, I got into a roast session with my mom and I said "yo momma so fat she takes up the driver and passenger seat in a car" she replied, "yo momma so nasty, when you were younger she sucked your daddy's dick then came in and kissed you goodnight" ? FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 20:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out why the girl I like has been hanging around with me so much lately. She's been dating my sister in secret for 3 weeks. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By devil_hawk99 - 29/03/2016 20:28 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her. All she did is ask "Why?". I thought maybe she has trouble with the L word, until she said "I love you so much" to her cat. FML

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By anonymous - 29/03/2016 20:13 - United States

Today, I was told I got hired for a job at the place my sister works. I'm very qualified for this job, she isn't. I went in for them to tell me, they called the wrong person. FML

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By Unlucky Girl - 29/03/2016 20:12 - United States - Gibson

Today, I got asked out by the friend who's taking me to prom in a month. This would be fine if he gave up after the first time I said no. Currently, I'm on rejection #19, and he still hasn't given up on me. Prom in a month is going to be awkward. Did I mention we also work together? FML.

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By Anonymous - 29/03/2016 19:59 - Germany - K?ln

Today, my mother came into my room, smoking, and told me to tidy up. 15 minutes later she came back and complained about the smell of smoke in my room. She won't believe it was her. FML

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I noticed that the floor outside our bathroom was covered in toenail clippings. I asked my husband what had happened. Turns out, he saves time by clipping his nails onto the floor and then sweeping them out into the hall, where they get lodged in the carpet. FML

agreeclassic 5 867

vote type 1 469

Today, I witnessed someone giving medical advice that they got from ChatGPT. FML

agreeclassic 765

vote type 1 120

Today, I washed my boyfriend's work clothes, trying to make up for a fight we had earlier. After taking them out, I found his phone, wallet and keys at the bottom of the washer, completly waterlogged. This is not the peace offering I'd hoped for. FML

agreeclassic 13 707

vote type 1 7 854

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to add my crush on Snapchat. He thought it would be a good idea to block me. FML

agreeclassic 10 565

vote type 1 1 736

Today, I was supposed to leave for Disney. Our trip was cancelled last year because of the pandemic. This morning, we found out my sister’s boyfriend, who was a last-minute add-on to the trip, has COVID. Cancelled again. Maybe next year. FML

agreeclassic 1 122

vote type 1 162

Today, I was deceived into a contract to "edit" porn. It was sick, disgusting material which stirred up all my sexual-abuse-survivor issues and made me retch. When I went to my husband to tell him what happened, his only comment was, "Is it hot?" FML

agreeclassic 2 697

vote type 1 589