Nearly FML

By Bbry - 30/03/2016 03:29 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, I bumped into my old university roommate at a party. He's 39 and a retired millionaire who got rich working at BlackBerry. He said he saw my resume years ago but instead of hiring me, he put it through the shredder. He suggested that I not put the moves on anyone else's girlfriend. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 4

By Workblues - 30/03/2016 03:26 - United States - Vienna

Today, I emailed my project manager complaining about a coworker that I supervise. My manager responded by emailing my coworker what I had written about them and saying that I wasted everyone's time. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 03:22 - United States - Mesa

Today, my husband has a big family so for my son's birthday I always go all out. This year I worked really hard to make sure there were plenty of goodie bags for all the kids and plenty of food. None of his family came.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By awkward rollypolly - 30/03/2016 03:17

Today, I finally told my crush that I liked him. He responded with "I don't know what to say" followed by "I think you need someone you can be in a relationship with"... I've never been so humiliated in my adult life. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 03:17 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I walked in on a coworker looking up Halo Reach Porn. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By notthebrightestguy - 30/03/2016 03:13 - United States - Roswell

Today, my husband used the argument "because everything is worse for men" to explain why getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than childbirth. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By UpTheCreek - 30/03/2016 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my landlady informed me that she sold the house I'm renting from her, and I have to be out by June 1st. When she first mentioned selling, she promised I would have until the end of June. I just got approved to an apartment that is unavailable until June 25th. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By rikkirauha - 30/03/2016 03:06 - United States - Cypress

Today, I am sick with the flu, so my mom ran me a bath. I told her I liked it a bit warm, but apparently she heard "I'd like to experience what it's like to be inside an erupting volcano." I now look like a burning tomato. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By sawwahbear - 30/03/2016 03:05 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him so very much, but I wish he would stop using my tweezers to pop the pimples on his ass cheeks. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By really - 30/03/2016 03:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my ex, who left me for another woman, called me to complain about how hard it is to be in a relationship. I think it's harder to love someone, get cheated on and then dumped. He begs to differ. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By zzramz - 30/03/2016 02:49 - United States - Temecula

Today, I decided to do an early April Fools joke on my boyfriend. I didn't know how anti-tattoo he was until he broke up with me because he thought I had one. I had one of those fake kids ones you put on with water. He still didn't believe me when I rubbed it off. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anonymous - 30/03/2016 02:36 - United States - Adelanto

Today, I went job hunting with a friend of mine hoping it would help with my social anxiety. I didn't think about how much more experience she had compared to me and it only made talking to employers so much worse. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anonymous198913 - 30/03/2016 02:21 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I discovered that, when your manager tells you that you won't work with the assistant manager anymore, she really means that you won't work for the rest of the season. I also found out what happens when you report your boss for sexual harassment. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By broken back - 30/03/2016 02:13 - United States - Montclair

Today, I was waiting to get picked up and sitting on a railing. I managed to loose my balance and spin around. For some reason the curb is spiked, and I slammed my back into the curb. I now have a broken back. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 02:08 - United States - Powder Springs

Today, my self esteem reached a new low. I couldn't maintain eye contact with my dog. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 01:52 - United States - Blairstown

Today I went on a date and while wearing a maxi skirt, managed to trip and fall on my cheese fries while flashing everyone my ass because my skirt was down at my knees. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By confused - 30/03/2016 01:50 - Canada - North York

Today, naked with my wife, rock hard in front of her, she catches a glance of herself in the mirror, says "I'm not sexy enough," and starts to cry inconsolably. Then why am I hard? FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 01:26 - United States - Austin

Today, after testing for 5 hours straight, I submitted my test, feeling confident. You'll never guess who's computer glitched and deleted every single answer. That's right, mine. fml

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Yellow - 30/03/2016 01:09 - United States - Dallas

Today, I had to tell my girlfriend that no, China and Vietnam are not "basically" the same place. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Kaleb69 - 30/03/2016 01:08 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I woke up to my mother and her boyfriend screaming in the room next to mine. This accumulated for twenty minutes before a shattering crack signaled the breaking of the bed frame. Guess who got to carry out the broken frame at two o'clock in the morning.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By ethanestes - 30/03/2016 01:08 - United States - Evansville

Today, I decided to start training my dog, a German Shepard, but after a few tricks she tackled me and I landed on my ankle and broke it. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By saraaa2552 - 30/03/2016 01:02 - United States - Nine Mile Falls

Today, some girl messaged me on Instagram and kept calling me ugly and fat. I am so lonely that when she stopped messaging me I was sad. FMl

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 01:02 - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, is my birthday. I got to leave work early, not because of my birthday, but because I got an aggressive sinus infection. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 01:01 - United States - Houston

Today i got mugged. Actually, it technically wasn't mugging because the guy took one look in my wallet, chuckled, said "sorry man you're worse off then me," and threw it back. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 00:57 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Yesterday, i put signs up looking for my cat that has gone missing i went to go check if anyone had pulled them down and an old lady was going around pulling them down, turns out she had my cat the whole three weeks he had been missing and now she claims he is hers. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Sonotsuave - 30/03/2016 00:40 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I'm so broke and have had such a bad reaction to my campus's cafeteria food that I am sitting here eating plain chicken broth and ginger ale. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 00:32 - United States - Mankato

Today, I accidentally stepped on my cats foot, causing me to spin around in horror to check on him, kicking my foot out a little as I did, and basically drop kicking my stove. I fractured my toe, and have a three day camping trip tommorow. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By BIGJ0 - 30/03/2016 00:20 - United States - Putnam Valley

Today, I've spent the last three days sleep deprived. After finishing my shift today I decided I should treat myself to some naughty videos. For some reason I thought it be a good idea to share what I was watching... With my friends and family on Facebook. Now I'm too afraid to open the app.FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 2

By Vicky - 30/03/2016 00:17 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I got layed off because the store I work at mergered with another store downtown. The only reason I have this job is to pay for the rent my student loan won't cover. I have two and a half weeks till school ends and my parents claim their broke. Guess I'm coming home early. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By stupidbro - 30/03/2016 00:17 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I got a call from my parents saying my little brother poured bleach all over himself because his crush "liked the smell of fresh laundry". FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

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Keywords

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Today, while going to visit my father, I got out of the car and put my iPad on the roof to grab my bags. My mom drove off before I could get it. FML

agreeclassic 2 618

vote type 1 714

Today, I saw my little brother drink from the milk carton, gag, and spit the milk back in. FML

agreeclassic 7 289

vote type 1 481

Today, my manager said it was my choice to have surgery on my arm and that I shouldn't complain, everyone goes through pain. She's right, but I was born with a birth defect in my wrist. The surgery was going to happen sooner or later, I didn't want to be born this way. FML

agreeclassic 958

vote type 1 86

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "EW". FML

agreeclassic 47 862

vote type 1 4 636

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

agreeclassic 17 946

vote type 1 43 288

Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML

agreeclassic 43 271

vote type 1 3 059