Nearly FMLs

By dchavez93 - 31/03/2016 00:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me at work making it seem like I'm a horrible person. Not only am I not getting laid tonight, I got written up for disturbing the work atmosphere in addition to a three day suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Richsauce50 - 30/03/2016 23:57 - United States - Auburn

Today, I was laying down on the track before practice just for a little bit. Then I suddenly felt a massive pain in my groin. My friend stepped on it with too much force. He had spikes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By grimreaperjr1232 - 30/03/2016 23:56 - United States - Bear

Today, everyone learned my best friend is pregnant with my biological child. My girlfriend left me, my parents want to disown me, and everyone else is shunning me. Reasonable, except im a sperm donor and her boyfriend is sterile.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 23:53 - United States - New York

Today, when I went to take a shower the water was red. My roommate thought it would be funny to put kool-aid in the shower head. He expects me to pay to fix the shower because "I turned it on and caused it to clog." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By hummelbyhummel - 30/03/2016 23:46 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I saw a cute girl at my gym, so I walked over and asked for her number. It turns out she's the fat woman I constantly made fun of with my gym buddy. I didn't recognize her, she looks so great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 23:45 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I realized how little I talk when my sister told me that if I were to be a video game character, I would be the silent protagonist. I didn't have a response to that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 23:44 - Canada

Today, my boss told me I should not waste my time applying for a better position at work, I can' t meet my financial obligation so much so that I am on the verge of bankrupty and when I got home the lifeless body of my beloved cat was near the curb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SomeChick - 30/03/2016 23:35 - United States - Louisville

Today I just found out that my friend's friend was going to ask me out because she thought I was a cute guy. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 23:26 - United States - Jefferson

Today, I started my period. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, except for that today is also the first day of a week long hunting trip in middle of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By todd - 30/03/2016 23:25 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I realised that in the group of people I hang out the most, which except for me is only composed by women, I'm by far the one who have had the least sexual relations with girls. My girlfriend is in this group too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By blemarooney - 30/03/2016 23:18 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my crazy ex stole the dog my current boyfriend got me from my back garden. He's refusing to give it back until I agree to go out with him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By not_badoff - 30/03/2016 23:16 - United States - Helena

Today, I walked in on my brother getting a bj from his girlfriend. She tried to play it off as she was tickling him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 23:14 - United States - Decatur

Today, I found out why losing your virginity to your best friend while drunk is a bad idea: herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By whyme - 30/03/2016 23:09 - United States - Bar Harbor

Today, at the second day of tennis tryouts at my high school I tripped and fell while warming up and ended up breaking my wrist. No varsity for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Babysitter - 30/03/2016 22:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while babysitting, I had to explain to a 9 year old what a thong is after she gave me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By the girl with the runny mascara - 30/03/2016 22:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked to school in the rain with about three layers of mascara that I didn't have time to take off before I got to school. None of the teachers let me go to the restroom to wipe the melted mascara off until lunch, which was about five hours after school started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By enriquethecow - 30/03/2016 22:45

I have been allergic to chocolate my whole 25 years of existence. I recently took the test and found out that it wore away with age. My friends and I celebrated by buying me a huge chocolate cake. I took the biggest slice, only to find out I don't like chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ohshit - 30/03/2016 22:42 - United States - San Carlos

Today, I realized that the application I have spent weeks working on was due today, not tomorrow. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 22:29 - United States - Amarillo

I learned that my Mom's death, which was ten years ago, was ruled a homicide after someone called in a tip and an investigation was started. I'm a prime suspect. She died when I was nine.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Hunter_the_Ninja - 30/03/2016 22:17 - United States - Frisco

Today, my psycho ex who wrongly accused me of raping her punched me at my best friend's graduation ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 30/03/2016 22:06 - United States - Amenia

Today, my boyfriend refused to eat any of the candy I bought him because it was in the same pocket as my tampons in my backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By LMAO__no - 30/03/2016 21:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my husband to make a wish while blowing out his candles. I asked what did he wish for? In front of everyone, he said "A divorce", while handing me papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By lazy kid - 30/03/2016 21:40 - United States - San Diego

Today, I spend quite some time cleaning the house for my mom hoping to make her happy. The first thing she said to me when she got home was that I was "the laziest child alive and I can't clean for shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anon - 30/03/2016 21:38 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my friend from her BFs house. She got in my car she asked to borrow chapstick and gave her some and she used it. I just used the same chapstick she borrowed, and Im 99% sure she had blown her bf before leaving his house bc my chapstick smells like straight up cum. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By I'm an idiot - 30/03/2016 21:38 - United States - Nashville

Today, I bought handcuffs for the very first time. I was curious and wanted to try them out, so I cuffed myself to a corner of my bed. Turns out, I clipped them on too tight, so I couldn't reach the quick-release button. My roommate had to get me out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By fml24girl - 30/03/2016 21:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I met up with my much older boyfriend who my parents hate. I lied to my parents telling them I was going to hangout at the mall by myself. My dad drove by and saw us both holding hands, a big argument happened and my dad took pictures of us. I am 24 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 3

By The_ghetto_mango - 30/03/2016 21:07 - United States - Peculiar

Today, at the most important interview of my life, I pronounced "spider" "speeder". Thank you, Spanish class! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By well fuck you too - 30/03/2016 20:55 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my dad admitted that while he loves me he will always hate me a little bit. Apparently I was the result of breakup sex between him and mum when they were in the middle of their divorce and I am the reason they stayed married and miserable for the next 24 years. Sorry for existing dad FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 30/03/2016 20:34 - Canada - Ottawa

Recently I had been having some intestine problems. My boyfriend decided to buy me some laxatives and have me to stay the night to comfort me. He gave me his favourite pair of sweatpants to wear. I ended up shitting myself in his pants during the night and I had to run back to my place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By horny_blondie - 30/03/2016 20:32 - Slovenia - Logatec

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me and accused me for being bitchy. I'm only asking him for the third day in row if we could have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

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The Top

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 891

You deserved it 6 292

Today, I went to the gym to do squats. I couldn't even do it without weights on the squatting bar because it hurt too much to rest it on my back and neck. Then my friend who was with me and who is skinny as a rail easily managed it with two 45 pound weights. He claims it's from practice. I guess I’m wimpy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 388

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 567

You deserved it 4 364

Today, my neighbour is a doctor and has a 2 year-old son. He has a stomach infection and has been crying non stop day and night for a week now. The woman is not taking him to the hospital or giving him medicines, because it's "just diarrhea" and will "go away." The crying is driving me mad. I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 62

Today, I went for a walk in my brand new shoes that I bought around four days ago. I've always had problems walking on my right foot and when I was younger we couldn't buy Payless shoes as they'd be torn to pieces within a month. The left shoe felt perfectly fine; the right one feels like it's already disintegrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 84

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 840

You deserved it 6 088