Nearly FMLs

By annoyedchild - 31/03/2016 11:14 - United States

Today, I fell off our hotel bed, scraping my head on the hardwood nightstand. The only 'help' from my parents was a "[my name] you woke us up, please go back to bed." I guess ill go bandage my bleeding self by myself. If i can make it to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By bphind722 - 31/03/2016 11:10 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, My bus to school was almost T-boned by another car. I reached a new low when I secretly hoped the car hadn't stopped in time and tapped the bus hard enough, to the point where I wouldn't have to go to school. Seriously, what is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ScratchCatPower - 31/03/2016 10:47 - United States - Trumbull

Today, I got back a final test from one of my classes. I failed. Apparently, more points can be taken off of questions than how much they were actually worth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 10:40 - Netherlands

Today, i was walking in the woods when i tripped over a stone. Both of my front theeth were out. Next day i went to the dentist to check the damage. He laughed so hard, the dental assistant showed up to ask what was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Kira_Loves_U - 31/03/2016 10:18 - United States - Middlebury

Today, I was riding my bike and the chain fell off, I didn't realize that until I fell on the middle of my street, so many cars passed by just staring while my sister was standing, laughing right next to me FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TheLogicalOne - 31/03/2016 10:13 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, I was asking my friend an answer to a math problem. My math teacher just started to scream at me saying I should have asked him the question rather than my friend. When another question came up I went up to him for some explabation; he said he was busy and that I should go to my friend.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Lonely_Kid - 31/03/2016 10:09 - India - Bangalore

Today, I got the results of my final exams. Apparently getting the second highest grade isn't good enough as my dad was disappointed.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 31/03/2016 10:02 - United States - Dallas

I bought my friend a new deck of his favorite cards w/ expansion pack as a gift, costing me $110. Later seeing on Facebook he posts "one of my purchases at convention". No mention or tagging of my name either. Worse part I'm unemployed atm too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 09:52 - United States - Raeford

Today I learned the hard way that it is a bad idea to wear the color t shirt as my sisters boyfriend while attending a party. My sister had to much to drink, backed me into a corner, called me her boyfriends name and started to kiss me. She used her tongue and everything. Need mouthwash and therapy.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By allergies - 31/03/2016 09:33 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, after blowing my nose with toilet paper for an hour, I realized the reason my seemingly endless phlegm wasn't stopping was because I'm allergic to the toilet paper I was using to 'clean' my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Why. - 31/03/2016 06:02 - United States - Saginaw

Today, my friend is having money troubles and may lose her house. My father messaged her saying he would loan her the money, but only if she had sex with him. She immediately refused and alerted me, showing me the messages. I had to break the news to my wonderful stepmom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By pshtuthinkicare - 31/03/2016 05:28 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, my mom kicked me out of her house because I work too much and I'm not around enough. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By welp - 31/03/2016 05:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend said "ew" when he saw a larger girl in a bikini on tv. We're about the same size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By youravgfuckup - 31/03/2016 05:09 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, one of my managers realised I'm transgender. This quickly turned into a conversation about how sex will work and her asking if people still love me if they know about my "situation." She also asked if people even like to date "my kind of people." I already worry about these things 24/7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By WrongCandy - 31/03/2016 05:08 - United States - Provo

Today, I saw a young homeless man with a cardboard sign saying that he was struggling for food. Trying to be thoughtful I gave him my box of Milk Duds because I didn't have any cash or other food in the car with me. When I gave them to him I realized he didn't have any teeth to chew them with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 05:06 - United States - Cypress

Today, I saw an incredibly good looking guy. He caught me staring, smiled, and started a conversation. I was incredibly happy, until my friend informed me he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 05:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, woke up standing in the laundry room peeing myself while my boyfriend desperately tried to wake me up. Sleepwalking is a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By housesittinghorrors - 31/03/2016 04:58 - United States - Tracy

Today, I started house sitting. I went to check on the couple's son's hamster to make sure everything was fine. He wasn't breathing. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SleepyDrunk - 31/03/2016 04:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that I can only get a decent night's sleep if I get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 04:56 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I ended up with a dislocated hip because my boyfriend didn't want to wait for me properly position myself. It took him five minutes to realize I was screaming in pain and not pleasure (He's very sorry). Plus his mom now knows we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Trapgirl747 - 31/03/2016 04:48 - Canada - North Star

Today, my drunk mother thought it would be a good idea to squeeze herself and 3 children onto my tiny bed to watch a movie. I like the movie so I didn't think it would be too bad until she decided that life story commentary throughout the movie was required. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By AnAngryOreo - 31/03/2016 04:31 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I had to leave my boyfriend's house to go work on my Spanish essay. As I opened the door, I heard him say, "Baby, come back!" I went to ask if he needed me and I caught a glimpse of him staring at his cup of milk. He dropped an Oreo into it and it sunk to the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By anklebreaker - 31/03/2016 04:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, over a year after I badly sprained my ankle, I was finally able to walk without wearing a bulky wrap in my shoe. Five minutes into running on the treadmill at the gym, I stepped wrong due to not having the wrap on, and broke my ankle. I was injury-free for all of three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By embarrassed - 31/03/2016 04:23 - United States

Today, I took my sister to the mall to get pizza. After ordering for her since she's shy, she went to get her order and dropped the whole thing on the ground. After getting another, we went to Cinnabon for sweets. Upon sitting down, she spilled her whole drink on the floor. She's 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By comawhite - 31/03/2016 03:54 - United States

Today, I realized that the last 3 girls I loved all had one thing in common. Schizophrenia. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By prettysurethatsnothowitworks - 31/03/2016 03:49

Today, my mom told me she hates me, but it's okay because it's a "loving hate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Coniferously - 31/03/2016 03:47 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I was trying to get frisky with my boyfriend, but he clearly wasn't into it. Dismayed, I turned onto my side in a huff in one last attempt to grab his attention. He proceeded to turn the lights off and turn some music on. I don't know what I expected, but I do know snoring wasn't in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By blergh - 31/03/2016 03:36 - United States - Richmond

Today, I finally got over my case of food poisoning. However, my husband came down with it instead. Now, I get to constantly feel the urge to vomit because of his constant vomiting and diarrhea farts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By taylorswitf - 31/03/2016 03:36 - United States - Midland

Today, my mom had me go through my dead dad's old VHS tapes. Too bad she forgot to tell me his tapes included 90s porn. No wonder she didn't want to deal with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By missmay7272 - 31/03/2016 03:27 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got up to leave. I was at the door when I heard my boyfriend start to sing "Baby come back!" I started walking back assuming he said that because I didn't say bye. I then realized that he was talking to the Oreo he had dropped in his milk and was sinking to the bottom of his cup. True love.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 831

You deserved it 13 194

Today, my little sister received a fairy costume from my aunt. She put it on and waved her wand at me. She said, "Abracadabra, bibbity poo. I wish Sydney was pretty." When I did nothing, she put her hands on her hips and said, "Can't you just act pretty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 363

You deserved it 5 485

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking Gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 401

You deserved it 3 235

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 646

You deserved it 5 919

Today, my drunk brother thought I could withstand a metal chair being slammed across my back like on the wrestling shows. I guess he didn't know that the shows are fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 293

You deserved it 3 055

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 499

You deserved it 183