Nearly FML

By nadicat - 31/03/2016 16:21 - United States - Nashville

Today, I got in trouble at work for being "too efficient". FML

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By Rejectoman - 31/03/2016 16:21 - United States - Pickerington

Today, a girl I asked out for a date turned me down for the 11th time out of the12 girls I've asked in my lifetime. The one that didn't was mentally unstable. FML.

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By Jess - 31/03/2016 16:16 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, i got let go from my amazing perfect job...because my sister was aperently being moved to my department, due to legal reasons its not allowed. the same day (not even an hour later) my sister was given a different job in a different area...FML

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By notsureifangryorjustangry - 31/03/2016 16:10 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I poured my heart out to my long distance boyfriend, saying I missed him and felt like I was being replaced. His response? He likes the other girl because he can ACTUALLY cry on her shoulder. Hooray, more of his "depressed" guilt-trips and ignoring of my own feelings. FML

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By TipsyTj - 31/03/2016 16:03 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I was in the bathroom at my University. I was just about to pee, when I heard a creak and then the stalls around me all fell over. Revealing a couple who was balls deep. I pulled up my pants and apologized. The woman began yelling at me for evading their privacy. FML.

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By used car $5000 drives like new, barely used, low miles - 31/03/2016 15:59 - United States - Jefferson

Today, I made a slightly aggressive move while driving which caused a brand new 1 gal motor oil jug to fall down in my car, on a pen, poking a hole in it. Now oil is everywhere. FML

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By KingRiguez - 31/03/2016 15:58 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, I somehow managed to lock myself out of the house on the day of my appointment for getting into a technical institue. Every available ride I have to get up there won't pick up when I need them most. now I'm stuck on my front porch waiting for someone to call me back, FML

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By chelseaclaire - 31/03/2016 15:58 - United States - Riverside

Today, I was walking when I saw someone almost fall off his skateboard. I started laughing and pointing thinking it was one of my friends. It wasn't. If only looks could kill. FML.

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By Kimtrons - 31/03/2016 15:50 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I was talking to this guy by a store and things were going rather smooth. We laughed, we joked, we flirted. Or so I thought. A few minutes later another guy approached us, grabbing his hand, introducing himself as Paul. They left together. God damn it, Paul. FML.

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By BadLuckLad - 31/03/2016 15:29 - Peru - Lima

Today, I was walking downstairs towards the metro station with a co-worker friend of mine, having the most normal conversation, when suddenly I missed a step and fell on my face in actual slow motion. The worst part was that instead of helping me up, she was laughing so hard everybody watched. FML

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By Shitty Job - 31/03/2016 15:09 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, a customer's child took a dump in a display toilet before being dragged out by his parent. FML

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By kloring1 - 31/03/2016 15:00 - United States - Amherst

Today, like every day, I struggled to avoid being run over by skateboarders on campus. Unfortunately, I was hit by one and will now be paying closer attention when walking down hallways. FML

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By anonymous - 31/03/2016 14:57 - United States - Cape May

Today, I told my husband that we have no food in the house and need to go food shopping. He then told me that there are starving children all over the world and that I can last one day. FML

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By ferniferous - 31/03/2016 14:56 - United States

Today, my first paycheck at my new job is almost 2 weeks late. I have rent due tomorrow. FML

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By bordersz - 31/03/2016 14:36 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was walking out of a gas station when a clearly drunk man was walking in. he whistled at me, checked me out, then said 'dang girl can I get your number?' as he walked in. The sad thing is that I'm a guy. FML

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By obliviouslyImdepressed - 31/03/2016 14:31 - United States - Eatontown

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I've been "too depressed recently" but yeah I kind of have because my grandfather who I was close to died a few days ago.

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By char-234 - 31/03/2016 14:28 - Australia - Perth

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, now my so called best friend is all over him and vice versa, they're now taking bets on who would win a fight me or her. FML

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By Etweens96 - 31/03/2016 14:25 - United States - Jackson

Today, a creep asked me out on a date. Being the kind girl I am, I kindly declined and muttered under my breath how awkward this became. He then got up and went into a nearby classroom, telling the girls about him asking me out and asking the girls in there if it was awkward. FML

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By PG7 - 31/03/2016 14:23 - Netherlands - Doetinchem

Today, I got a tongue infection, which means talking and eating hurts like hell. But yesterday I went to a party, and this girl I liked for quite a while started to flirt with me and eventually wanted to kiss me. I can't. FML.

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By ThatSecondFiddle - 31/03/2016 14:17 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was bored and missed my crush, who I talk to a lot and constantly tells me that she loves me too. I started talking to her best friend and found out my crush was very in love with someone. Her boyfriend of 3 months. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By hummelbyhummel - 31/03/2016 14:14 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I caught my father in my bedroom, having sex with a woman that is not my mom. Dad says if I say anything, he'll beat me to the ground. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By lopsided mess - 31/03/2016 13:44 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I was playing soccer with my family and some family friends. When they all started laughing because a silicon bra filler fell out of my bra onto the ground. I'm sure over half were thinking I stuff, but I have one breast significantly bigger than the other. FML...

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By head games - 31/03/2016 13:43 - United States - Niles

Today, I have the worst head ache of my life. I saw a movie last night and the guy behind me kept kicking my seat. I asked him to stop but he acted like he didn't hear me. I tried throwing popcorn at him over my shoulder but he ended up kicking me in the back of the head. FML

agreeclassic 2

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By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 13:33 - United States - Auburn

Today, my handicapped grandmother fired the 5th housekeeper we have gotten her. This housekeepers malfeasance?? The theft of one red sock...FML

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By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 13:15 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, I went to the Apple Store to get the home button on my phone fixed. Only to have the guy come back with a completely shattered phone because he dropped it, and now he is making me pay for his dumbass mistake . FML

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By minissaussette - 31/03/2016 13:00 - France

Today my sister got into a minor car crash with my two children in the back, she started to panic and froze while my 6-year old daughter had to call 911 and take my baby son out of his car seat. FML

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By ladycube - 31/03/2016 12:40 - United States - Rosemount

Today, I had finally gotten a text from a group of girls inviting me to a sleepover. Not having many friends, I was excited. Until they told me they had the wrong number. FML

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By Frysenburg - 31/03/2016 12:07 - United Kingdom - Skegness

It was my 40th birthday a couple of weeks ago and I told my wife I wanted to build my own PC with any money I got. She gambled and lost £674 leading up to my birthday so the money I did get covered her loss. She only gave me a card for my birthday. Today is my pay day and she's already lost £60. FML

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By rachgirl6 - 31/03/2016 12:05 - Australia - Mount Waverley

Today, after waiting 2 months (when estimated max was 10 days) for my package to arrive, it finally came. They left out my favourite item that I paid for, and they're ignoring my emails. FML

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By enemyofsoup - 31/03/2016 11:33 - United States - Cypress

Today, I learned that my new liquid diet makes me puke. I'm three days into recovering from double jaw surgery. Good news is, I didn't suffocate to death and it didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. Only 6 more weeks to go! FML

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Keywords

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Top

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year-old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

agreeclassic 37 291

vote type 1 3 562

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

agreeclassic 16 465

vote type 1 42 080

Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML

agreeclassic 57 361

vote type 1 20 071

Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML

agreeclassic 822

vote type 1 174

Today, I went through my boyfriend’s phone. He'd told his brothers, mom, and mutual friends that I was at a psych ward, after I went crazy. We have been back together for four months now after that situation, so no wonder I got the vibe they hate me. Why lie about something so stupid? FML

agreeclassic 423

vote type 1 239

Today my boss informed us that there were no more single shifts we were all working doubles until further notice. Also there’s a way for us to “earn” a half day but we have to out sell everyone else in the office to get it. So being new I haven’t had time off in two weeks... FML

agreeclassic 2 522

vote type 1 205