Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 01:48 - United States - Miami

Today, we had a sub for Spanish class and I was using my phone and I clicked on this one video and my volume was all away up and then all of the sudden the video starts playing with moaning noises in the background.. Everyone thought I was watching porn in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By XxX_XxX - 01/04/2016 01:46 - Canada - Rimbey

Today, I found out my dad has faked paralysis from the waist down for 5 years. I found out when I saw him running from his mini-fridge with a cold one.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 01:38 - United States - San Diego

Today I was going to break up with my girlfriend and her family shows up from out of state and now I have to awkwardly interact with her little brother while waiting to break her heart again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By brylan115 - 01/04/2016 01:28 - United States - Cypress

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and we decided to have sex. As we were in the middle of going at it, my girlfriend walked in. Turns out that my girlfriend has a identical twin that went with her dad when their parents divorced and was visiting for the weekend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By verinawrinn - 01/04/2016 01:25 - United States - Cloquet

Today, my family is babysitting some baby chicks, I decide to hold one and cuddle with it. The first thing it does is shit on my new pants. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 01:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was worrying about prom and the social pressure to go. I really don't even want to go, but my parents want me to. The fact I've never had a girlfriend doesn't help, and it really didn't help when I walked in on them watching a TV show in which a couple's son was going to his first prom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Quiet_one - 01/04/2016 01:12 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, my dog is so anxious he won't let anyone else approach him and barks at people to the point that I'm embarrassed to take him anywhere. One of the main reasons I got a dog was to give me an excuse to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ouch - 01/04/2016 01:03 - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to get married in two months. We're moving the wedding up so we can live together while I'm attending college. My grandma told me she was pissed off at me and I wouldn't go to college if we got married and was ruining my one shot at happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By grifmelo - 01/04/2016 00:57 - United States - Bloomingdale

Today, I was skipping stones on a boyscout trip. I pivoted to throw and dislocated and broke my knee. They made me a wooden crutch and promised I would never live this down. Even the young scouts giggle as I hobble by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 00:50 - United States - New York

Today I did poorly on a paper where I had to review two 25 page studies. I got points off for not going into enough detail. The word limit was 1000 words including the bibliography. The professor takes points off for going over by 10 words. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By waititwasntme - 01/04/2016 00:50 - United States - Lansing

Today, my wife who is a CNA came home from work with a bruised up arm. Her uncle, who happened to be visiting with us, saw them, called me an abusive prick, and beat the crap out of me before either of us could explain. now we're both bruised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 00:35 - Germany - K?ln

Today, all of my efforts to give up smoking promptly failed, after I let my neighbor stay with me after her house burnt down. Only after I agreed I remembered that she was a chainsmoker that didn't think it was necessary to even open a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Hating My Math Teacher - 01/04/2016 00:31 - United States - San Jose

Today, I had math class with my rude and unreasonable teacher. I have block schedule so my classes are 1 hour and 40 minutes. We were taking a partner test and I started feeling cramps. I started my period. I dealt with this for the entire class because she wouldn't let me leave during the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By MysticViolet - 01/04/2016 00:31 - United States - Bay Springs

Today, I heard that my boyfriend was going to ask me to marry him. We met up, and he mentioned the horrible rumor going around that he was going to ask me to marry him. He said that he needed a lot more time to even consider spending forever with me. I love him with all my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By acmariner99 - 01/04/2016 00:17 - United States - Everett

Today, what was supposed to be a leisurely bike ride home turned into a flat tire, waiting for late and crowded buses, and listening to people of all races rant about how their skin color makes them victims. I'm still on the bus two hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By zzramz - 31/03/2016 23:59 - United States - Lancaster

Today, while walking to volleyball practice, a bunch of guys in a car drove by and one of them yelled "I fucked your mom!" The guy that yelled that was my brother. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By RyanPru - 31/03/2016 23:56 - United States - Frederick

Today, I had finished my homework assignment that I worked on for 4 months. I was ready to turn it in and when I leave for school I realize it's gone. My mom had taken it to work to get co workers opinions on it. My teacher said he can't take late grades. The worst part is is it 30% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By taneaj - 31/03/2016 23:54 - Canada

Today, I had a nice dinner planned for my boyfriend and I, and I got my mom to get some groceries for me. She decide to make the dinner for me, only to tell me my boyfriend won't eat it because it has mushrooms in it. I had to start a whole new dinner. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By WhoaZombie - 31/03/2016 23:43 - United States - Niles

Today, I tried to talk to my husband about his lack of compassion when it comes to my mental health issues. Instead of being supportive, he started a fight with me just to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By zzramz - 31/03/2016 23:39 - United States - Temecula

Today, while walking to school and a guy in a black car yelled "FUCK THE POLICE." And threw a smoothie at me. I'm a 14 year old girl and I was walking to school for promotion. My $150 dress was ruined.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Dekat121 - 31/03/2016 23:32 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my cat shitted on the floor AGAIN, it wouldn't be so bad if the kitty litter hadn't just been changed, and I didn't have a new puppy that just LOVES to role around in poop. Time to have another doggy bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By kiraxx - 31/03/2016 23:30 - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I was snapchatting my bestie and as usual I was sending ugly selfies and later on I realized that I sent them to my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Mortified - 31/03/2016 23:19 - United States - Houston

Today, I got stopped in the hall at school by the guy I've liked since freshman year. Only to tell me I had a period stain on my pants. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By hamiltonma - 31/03/2016 23:12 - United States - Boone

Today, I was sitting at the bus stop on my way to class. An innocent looking old man came and sat down next to me. Being polite, I said hello. I expected him to say hello back, but instead, he asked me if he could lick my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By isuckwithnames - 31/03/2016 23:11 - United States - Grafton

Today, after going to my brother and his girlfriend's baby shower, which I wasn't invited to, I jokingly said brought up that I was never invited. He looked me in the eye and said "Then why are you here?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By gusthecat - 31/03/2016 23:00 - United States - Denton

Today, while looking through Snapchat, I found that I couldn't see any of my friends' scores. After reporting it as a bug to Team Snapchat I realized everyone just un-friended me.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Duarg - 31/03/2016 22:56 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I was in gym class, my second period, practicing doing the splits. Eventually about halfway through the class I started getting wierd looks, all day. It wasn't until I got home, I found out the front of my pants ripped open wide, and my dick was exposed all day, and nobody told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By HylianBadger - 31/03/2016 22:51 - United States

Today, a guy asked me out while I was at work. I kindly rejected his offer, telling him that although he was a nice guy, I am already happily married. I thought he handled the rejection really well. Until I clocked out and found my car keyed on both sides and all four tires slashed. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Happily Married - 31/03/2016 22:44 - United States - Converse

Today, my wife and I had a huge argument. We've been married for 3 hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Ewokhunter01 - 31/03/2016 22:38 - Australia

Today I have finished making a cosplay for a competition. The moment I relaxed, after three days of painting, my body decided it's had enough and invited my immune system to take a holiday. The competition is today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I texted a close friend, who has the same first name as a coworker with the same first name, spelled one letter off. Both saved by first name only in my contacts. I ended up telling my coworker about the great value of my marijuana purchase. My company has a zero tolerance policy for marijuana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 1 654

Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 042

You deserved it 10 083

Today, I was babysitting my friend's two year-old daughter. Within 15 minutes, she had crawled out of her crib, taken off her diaper, and smooshed her poop in between the cracks in the floor. I put her in the tub, left to get a towel, and came back to her pooping in the tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 297

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I guess she got bored because she started looking at her nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 150

You deserved it 12 922

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 952

You deserved it 2 202

Today, during a conversation with my in-laws, I opened up about my insecurities concerning my looks. My mother-in-law responded, "But you're not beautiful." She then repeated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 115

You deserved it 500