Nearly FML

By ouch - 01/04/2016 18:40 - United States - Clover

Today, my family tried to prank me. Seven hours and four angry dogs later, I'm writing from the hospital. Happy April Fools. FML

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By Jail bait - 01/04/2016 18:38 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I called my parents from jail at 4 o'clock in the morning. After they laughed it off as another April fools day joke, they still didn't believe me as I pleaded for someone to come get me. FML

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By fuck you roomie - 01/04/2016 18:35 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my roommate played an April Fools' prank on me by setting all the clocks ahead. So when I woke up, I was three hours late to work. I'm gonna get fired. FML

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By speechless - 01/04/2016 18:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I poured my heart out to my long distance boyfriend, saying I missed him and felt like I was being replaced. His response? He likes another girl because she's PHYSICALLY there for him. Wow. FML

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By crimsonfyre - 01/04/2016 18:11 - United States - Wakefield

Today, at school my teacher lost 4 pages of my essay and decided to yell at me in front of the class saying it was my fault and that he wouldn't of liked anyway because my handwriting is horrid. FML.

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 18:05 - United States - Rochester

Today i washed and waxed my entire car, i then moved to vacuuming out my interior. I accidentally vacuumed up my keys and when i opened the shop vac to get them out, all the dust blew right back on to my car that i just spent hours cleaning... FML

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By lexasoca - 01/04/2016 17:41 - Spain

Today, during Band class, the kid next to me was messing around with his sax. Suddenly, the Saxophone jabs my eye as it's wide open. I had to go to the ER, and I have a Hemorrhage. I've been told all day I look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, and like I'm part of a horror movie. FML.

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By rhyspiecesno8 - 01/04/2016 17:40 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, I was sitting in a McDonald's bathroom taking a shit when I hear a plop, and the sound of a plastic bag being crumpled. Then a few seconds later a bag of shit comes flying into the stall. I then had to wipe not only my crack but my domain and genitals, too. FML

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By yikes - 01/04/2016 17:38 - United States - Worthington

Today, I weighed myself, and desperately hoped the result was an April Fools joke before realizing that wasn't possible. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 17:36 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I drove in my car for 6 hours to get to the beach for a volleyball tournament. When I got there I stopped to get something to Eat at my favorite restaurant. Then that night I got horrible food poising and missed my volleyball tournament where college scouts where going to talk to me. FML.

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By gullible - 01/04/2016 17:33 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I have been putting up with her April fools jokes all day, so when my pregnant sister told me her water broke, I ignored her, until the puddle of water appeared under her. Once we arrived at the hospital she told me she'd wet herself, she thought it was hysterical. Happy April fools. FML

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By PoolDeadio - 01/04/2016 17:32 - United States - Conroe

Today, I was having a conversation with my best friend about how my girlfriend and I are private about our business. He laughed, grabbed my phone out of my hand, and read my texts messages allowed so everyone could hear. He still doesn't understand why I won't speak to him. FML

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By BAnative - 01/04/2016 17:17

Today, my grandma walked in on me and my friend smoking in my room. In our scramble to get rid of the smell, she opened the door and jumped to the conclusion that I was having sex with him. I'm a guy too. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 17:07 - United States - Copperopolis

Today, my 4 year old told me she pooped in my boots, then proceeded to tell me april fools! I got a huge surprise when I put my boots on. I don't think she understands how April fools works. Fml

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By seriously??? - 01/04/2016 16:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, our school was evacuated outside in 40 degree weather for hours due to a bomb threat. The so called "bomb" was a bag of dirty underwear someone didn't want to admit it was theirs. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 16:12 - United States - Nashua

Today, I told my boyfriend my aunt was run over by a car. He doesn't believe me because it's April Fool's Day. I don't know what's worse, that he doesn't believe this happened or that he believes I'd joke about someone getting injured. FML.

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By neglected - 01/04/2016 15:55 - United States - Troy

Today, I realized that passing acquaintances show me more affection than my own boyfriend does. He sees no problem with this. FML

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By anonymous - 01/04/2016 15:42 - United States - Newport

Today, I decided to text a girl I'd been best friends with for about five years when we were younger. We hadn't talked in a while, and I was excited to catch up. She responded by calling me by my little sister's name. She wasn't even friends with my sister. FML

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By Not A Joke - 01/04/2016 15:29

Today, my boyfriend confessed to cheating on me. It's April Fools, so I just laughed it off, but then he showed me a video of he and my sister having sex. I cried my heart out, but his apology almost sounded sincere...until I noticed the raging erection he had gotten from watching the video. FML

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By Terrible person - 01/04/2016 15:23 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I asked my friend if he had fun on vacation. I then remembered his "vacation" was going to his uncle's funeral. FML

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By carguy100 - 01/04/2016 14:28 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I was woken up by the sounds of a woodpecker. but this woodpecker wasn't pecking on wood. the woodpecker was pecking g on what sounded like metal so I was interested in what it was. upon further investigation I find a woodpecker pecking away at my 1967 2 door Chevy Nova. FML

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By Lilah - 01/04/2016 14:27 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I moved into a new house. I can see the neighbors bedroom window through mine. He is cute, so I started changing with the blinds open, thinking I could pretend I didn't see him. He took one look at me, topless, and closed his blinds.

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By April Fools - 01/04/2016 14:23 - United States - New York

Today, my wife offered to tie me to the bed and blow me. I love when she does this. She tied me up and started to blow me. Then she stopped and said April Fools and good luck getting yourself untied. FML

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By UmbaLumba - 01/04/2016 13:46 - Sweden - Norrk?ping

Today, I texted my gf of 5 years that we should take a break, as April fools. She immediately called my best friend and had sex with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 13:41 - United States - Boardman

Today, I skype messaged my friend about breaking up with my girlfriend. Turns out, I was messaging in a group chat. With my girlfriend in it. FML.

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By Scooby Doo - 01/04/2016 12:32 - United States - Centerville

Today, I got suspended from school for putting a condom over a teachers water bottle as an April fools joke. On top of that I will also possibly be seeing sexual harassment charges. FML

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By harmtouch16 - 01/04/2016 12:30 - United States

Today at about 1 am I finally fell asleep on my husband's chest, but he grabbed my hand and put it on his dick. I was tired but went with it and got him hard. Then he woke up and griped at ME for waking HIM up and went back to sleep leaving me horny, pissed, and wide awake for the next hour. FML.

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By My Boy Lollypop - 01/04/2016 11:32 - Australia - Ringwood East

Today, my dad told me the song I performed in a competition in front of hundreds of people when I was 6 was about a woman and her man's 'lollipop'. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 11:31 - United States - Maxton

Today my best friend told me, that his sister used to give him handjobs. He even said, "but it's not like it was sexual, it was just practice". FML

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By epicfail - 01/04/2016 11:21 - New Zealand

Today, I had finally had an interview after sending tens of applications. I practiced for hours, reached early, spent $200 on business attire only to discover they "accidentally" invited me for the interview and the position was already taken. Fml.

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Today, after growing tired of my friends group leaving me behind every time and having secrets between them, I started to ignore them and stopped following them, without saying anything. They haven't spoken to me since, and it's been 7 months. I'm alone. FML

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Today, I was on a first date and everything was going great, until I realized I had garlic breath from the garlic bread I ate earlier. I tried covering it with a mouthful of wine, but it just made it worse. I ended up trying to avoid any closeness, and now I guess I'll just die alone. FML

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Today, I went in for a root canal. After a heavy dose of anesthetic, my tooth still wasn't numb, which I only realized when they started drilling. FML

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Today, I ordered takeout. When I looked in the bag, I saw they'd included four sets of plastic cutlery. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, then estimated that there must be at least four people eating such a large meal. I was eating alone. FML

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Today, when I realized I'd forgot rice on the stove, I jumped off my chair and pulled off my headphones really fast. Now I've got burnt rice and broken headphones. FML

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Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

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