Nearly FML

By queenklutzhere - 01/04/2016 04:50 - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack at work because there were doctors in the break room when I went to eat lunch. I work in a doctor's office. FML

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By tymarie2012 - 01/04/2016 04:48 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, I have to get a filling replaced for the second time. I just got it replaced last week FML

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By sarah_jc - 01/04/2016 04:43 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was working in a pre primary class. One of my students thought it was ok to drop the c-bomb and hit others with wooden bricks. I'm teaching a sociopath, FML.

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By Marilyn_Manson - 01/04/2016 04:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, some asshole decided to get his followers to relentlessly cyber bully me and to track me down. They have my personal information. This is on a comedy app. FML

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By sadblufly - 01/04/2016 04:25 - United States - Louisville

Today, I turned 20. My parents didn't call to wish me happy birthday and my boyfriend forgot about our dinner reservations. When he finally answered my calls I found out he was with my parents, asking the best way to break up with me. Talk about a "happy" birthday. FML.

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By dudeutookhrs - 01/04/2016 04:23 - United States - Baytown

Today, after weeks of putting it off I finally scrubbed the spare bathroom toilet. My glasses fell into the nasty cesspool. FML

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By LoveisBlind - 01/04/2016 04:23 - United States - Lexington

Today, my boyfriend and I were going at it hardcore on the couch. My face was pushing into the pillows while he was behind me. After we finished, my eye hurt so much I couldn't open it and had to go to an eye doctor. She pulled out three rabbit hairs. FML

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By fishshithappens - 01/04/2016 04:22 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I learned that my ex slept with my brother three times within the week we broke up. FML

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By sadblufly - 01/04/2016 04:17 - United States - Louisville

Today, I invited a guy I've been seeing over. My ex decided to also show up today, without telling me. Needless to say they are extremely similar and bonded over how great I am in the sack, and then left to go get coffee. They're both bisexual. They agreed they liked each other better. FML.

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By F***Retail - 01/04/2016 03:59 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while putting away clothes from the fitting rooms, I grabbed an oddly damp shirt. Taking a closer look it appeared that someone had been chewing on the shirt. Their spit was all over my hand. Fml

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By archergirl - 01/04/2016 03:53 - United States

Today, I got a birth control shot in my hip, making me unable to walk or sleep on my left side for a few days. It's either do this every couple of months, or spend a week each month in horrific pain from my period. FML.

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By Dr.crap - 01/04/2016 03:53 - United States - Lawton

Today I realized that I should of taught my granddaughter where the spare toilet paper was. Now my shower curtain is in the wash full of poop.fml

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By MilkyWay95 - 01/04/2016 03:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I drove 7 hours to see a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in forever we spend 4 hours together..... with her overprotective boyfriend who made the trip very unpleasant because he thought I was trying to take her from him...FML

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By StarlightRose - 01/04/2016 02:53 - Canada - Kenora

Today, I got my cat some cat grass stuff. He went nuts for a hour and once he calmed down he "emptied" himself all over my brand new 200$ carpet. FML

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By ABlindMan - 01/04/2016 02:48 - United States - Morrow

Today, my father somehow thinks him paying child support is a big deal and that I should in turn thank him. I'd be slightly less infuriated with him if not for the fact that he owes my twin sister and me over $40,000 total. FML

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By unicornjuice - 01/04/2016 02:47 - United States

Today, I was peeing off my balcony. I do this all the time, and usually naked, due to the fact that I live out in the country and nobody comes down my road. As I was reliving myself I here this scream, it was my two little neighbor kids walking their dog. Staring right at my exposed junk. FML

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By Kendall14159 - 01/04/2016 02:46 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my crush held down my feet as I was doing sit-ups. At first I was thrilled, but afterwards I learned the hard way not to do that again. I went up *toot*, then I went down. I went up again *toot*, then I went down. 50 times. He just looked away and used his shoulder to cover his nose. FML

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By ugh - 01/04/2016 02:36 - Canada - Dryden

Today,I crawled into bed after a long day of work. My dogs ended up pushing me out of my kingsized bed.. I ended up sleeping on the floor... FML

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By angrysis - 01/04/2016 02:34 - United States - Fremont

Today, my sister pranked me with the classic mentos- and- soda trick as an early April Fool's Day surprise. Too bad it was at my wedding. FML

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By pharmarape - 01/04/2016 02:32 - Canada - Kincardine

Today while working at the pharmacy, a man came in and asked me which lube is best to rape his girlfriend with. After excusing myself to inform my boss of what had happened and the verbiage used, he said he would deal with him personally. I overheard him talking to the man, "Just use a condom." FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 02:25

I've graduated from both College and University in Health & Human Sciences, then a BSc. Major in Psychology. The past 2 years after graduating the only work I can find is night-shift stocking shelves, and flipping burgers. Both jobs are part-time and my bosses are real P.O.S. high schoolers. FML

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By anonymous - 01/04/2016 02:25 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while being intimate with my girlfriend she asked me to fist her ass. Being this was the first time I ever heard this or been asked this, I was confused. I agreed to do so, and I punched her ass cheek. Needless too say. She was quite unhappy and dissatisfied. Now I'm single. FML

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By Ace - 01/04/2016 02:24 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I went to the doctor since I've been feeling weak lately. Despite this, I was in a good mood because I was starting to see the effects of some new weight-loss pills I bought online. Turns out, the diet pills caused liver failure. I will be skinny, but I will also be dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 01/04/2016 02:24 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my husband told me that he wants a divorce because he has no faith that I will be a good mom. That was one of the main reasons why he married me. I gave up schooling so we could marry and I could follow him around the country for his job. I'm worse off than now than I was before we married.

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By ForgetimyRegreti - 01/04/2016 02:23 - United States - Tracy

Today, I was going to help my dad bury my beloved dog's ashes under a tree. The moment was ruined when my dad hit me on my head with the tree. FML.

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By it___happens - 01/04/2016 02:15 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I hit an all time low when browsing YouTube. I was watching YouTube videos of people having sucky birthdays. While on my birthday. FML

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By ladycube - 01/04/2016 02:14 - United States - Lakeville

Today, for the first time ever I was invited to a slumber party via group text message. Turns out, they had the wrong number. FML

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By Lunaressence - 01/04/2016 01:58 - United States - Bentonville

Today, I got unfriended and blown up on by many friends and family on Facebook. Why? I posted a status announcing I am pregnant. I'm actually expecting. FML

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By kipps_1 - 01/04/2016 01:56 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, my mom admitted the reason she never lets me pay back any money I may owe her isn't out of altruism, but because she wants to have blackmail on me for later use. The only part that surprises me is that she finally confessed to it. FML.

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By missmcfarty - 01/04/2016 01:51 - Australia

Today, I found out that my CEO knows my name. I found out when she followed me into the bathroom and called it out in a disgusted tone when I farted so loudly she could hear it from four stalls over. FML

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Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said, "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I'd managed to turn myself off. FML

agreeclassic 38 374

vote type 1 15 992

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

agreeclassic 44 664

vote type 1 9 030

Today, I prepared a detailed plan to organise my life, colour-coded and beautifully illustrated. I was so engrossed in designing the perfect plan that I forgot to actually do any of it and ended up with a highly organised non-starter. FML

agreeclassic 156

vote type 1 446

Today, my boss heard a rumor that I was in a relationship with a fellow co-worker. He assured me that inside relationships weren't against any store policy, so I confirmed it. He then fired my boyfriend anyway. FML

agreeclassic 34 533

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Today, I finally had it with the redneck bully who's been tormenting me. He was repeatedly poking and pinching me and laughing out loud during class, so I slung him to the ground, pinning him. I got suspended. They only called his parents, who never do anything; my "caring" parents are looking into teen boot camp. FML

agreeclassic 607

vote type 1 106

Today, I was walking down the street with my acoustic guitar on my back. I saw a girl that I like coming down the opposite way, so I decided to play my guitar to try and impress her. I started to tune it quickly, but while I wasn't paying attention, I ran into a pole. Now my guitar is cracked. FML

agreeclassic 21 385

vote type 1 80 501