Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 19:45

Today I joined an online dating site to try stop thinking about a girl. Guess who my first match was. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 19:42

Today, at our family dinner I walked in on my boyfriend of 2 years getting a blowjob. From my brother. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By kateeann - 31/03/2016 19:23 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after having severe allergies, I sneezed violently and popped my shoulder out of place. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By ShadowDMN - 31/03/2016 19:21 - Netherlands

Today, I got in touch with my inner self. That's the last time I use one-ply toilet paper. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By GalaxyLeon2714 - 31/03/2016 19:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, I went to the ice cream truck and bought a $5 milkshake after I bought it my friend got mad that I didn't buy a good flavor and smaked it out my hand FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By mustanggt - 31/03/2016 19:17 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, my ex got hit by a bus. I was also laid off from my job driving buses. It will still be difficult to explain at interviews, even though I drove the #8 and she was hit by the #6. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By kabale1215 - 31/03/2016 19:12 - United States - Morrow

Today, I found out my fiance may have a baby with a woman he slept with before we got together. He only wants 2 kids and since he already has a son, if this baby is his it will give him 2 kids... There goes my chances of having a baby of my own... waiting on a DNA test. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Old For My Age - 31/03/2016 19:01 - United States - Newport News

Today, I feel like I'm in my fifties. I threw out my back, and can barely move. I'm 26. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By LiefTZ - 31/03/2016 19:01 - United States - New York

Today, I got stung on the tip of my dick by a wasp, while peeing. now I've got a stinger stuck in my dick. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Becca34 - 31/03/2016 18:52 - Canada - Nepean

Today, my sister got at mad at me, asking why it took me so long to unlock the door for her. I broke my leg a few weeks ago, and had to crutch down the stairs to get to her. She has a key, but she didn't feel like getting it. And I'm the lazy one. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By disgusting - 31/03/2016 18:35 - United States - Jersey City

Today, I had got on the bus to find that there wasn't a single spot. The old man in front of me sat down then got right back up and got off the bus. I was about to take a seat when I looked out the window at the man. His pants were all wet. I looked at the seat. He had gotten on the bus to piss. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By screamkid - 31/03/2016 18:29 - United States

Today, my mom decided that my job of tutoring kids isn't a "real" job, so she made me quit. That "job" paid $40 an hour.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By AstonMartin177 - 31/03/2016 18:24 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I took my boyfriend to a romantic trip to some hot springs. He then decided to fart in the hot springs caves to see how loud it could echo. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By help - 31/03/2016 18:20 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend admitted to being bisexual. She doesn't consider her having sex with her "girlfriend" as cheating because it's not with another guy. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 18:06 - United States - Fremont

Today i spent hours knitting my mom a scarf for her birthday. she thanked me for it, but when i went over to her house later i saw she had given it to the dog to be used as a chew toy. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anonomysqwerty - 31/03/2016 18:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was jerking off in my room, then to my surprise my whole family burst in and said SURPRISE, I forgot that it was my birthday today. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By RockyMountainStepdad - 31/03/2016 17:58 - United States - Arvada

Today, great news. The pregnancy scare was not my still virgin teenage step daughter. It's my wife. Her tubes are tied and her first two pregnancies went badly. Ectopic pregnancy in a woman her age is potentially life threatening. I can't do anything about this but wait and panic. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 17:53 - United States - Hawthorne

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving when another car ran through a stop sign. The front/side of our car was smashed up pretty badly but she tried to claim it was our fault because our headlights weren't on. I pointed to the (lit) headlight dangling off the car and asked,"You mean that one?" FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anonymous - 31/03/2016 17:50 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my mom yelled at me and called me a slut for getting pregnant, I am 27 and married.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Andrew - 31/03/2016 17:50 - India - New Delhi

Today, My dad got me a full time job paying 2000$ a month. He said that I need to grow up and start making responsible choices. I'm a successful tennis pro who earned over a Million USD last year in Prize Money and endorsements. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 17:42 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I went on a first date with this beautiful girl I met on Tinder. She told me her father died and I put a hand on her shoulder. She then screamed at the top of her lungs that I was raping her. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By thelonelylost - 31/03/2016 17:41 - United States - Culver

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 4 months to the spring dance. This was before I found out he cheated on me several times, and that he was going to the dance with 3 different girls. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By kwilkens - 31/03/2016 17:25 - United States - Bentonville

Today, an argument that started with which way is the right way to use toiled paper, over or under, ended with me being served divorce papers. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By kids eh? - 31/03/2016 17:16 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I found out that my wife must have gotten pregnant from Macgyver, when my son managed to turn a string and 3 marbles into a broken pool and a 1500$ hospital bill.FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Eh...Politics - 31/03/2016 17:16 - United States - Tampa

Today, and everyday since Trump decided to run for president, my coworker has given me an update on Trump. I am not into policitics so when she asked who I was voting for, I chose a different candidate as a joke. Her husband came in later to lecture me on why my choice was the devil. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By prostitute?? - 31/03/2016 17:16 - United Kingdom - Dollar

Today, I realised that when my boyfriend said he needed space, he really meant he's gonna have great fun nights with his friends then appear at half 10 every night for sex, and ignore me until the next night.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By SamSaint25 - 31/03/2016 17:12

Today, at school, to use a laptop in the library, it must be checked out at the counter. The guy working asked for my school number and I told him. He gave me the laptop saying, "Here ya go, Devil." My number is 17666. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 17:11 - United States

Today, after planning for weeks and spending what little money I had left, I asked my girlfriend of 3 years to prom. She said no because my "promposal" wasn't good enough and to try again. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By flutenin - 31/03/2016 16:57 - United States - Morganton

Today, I was doing the dishes and someone had put a knife in the sink I didn't know about, so 10 stitches later and getting yelled at by my mom for not calling her. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Jeffisjeff - 31/03/2016 16:35

Today, I found out that my friend convinced her mother that I am her boyfriend. I am not attracted to her. The worst part of it all: we have a theatre production in a month. Both our families will be there. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

agreeclassic 34 986

vote type 1 10 959

Today, I found out that ever since I went from working full-time to part-time, my boss frequently blames me for different things behind my back. Currently, she's telling people I clogged the toilet and lost her keys - on what was actually my day off. FML

agreeclassic 12 786

vote type 1 716

Today, despite years of therapy, I still can’t seem to shake the religious indoctrination I suffered through for 20 years. I’m a morally good person who is kind, caring, and upstanding, yet I still have horrific anxiety and depression thinking that I’m going to hell for leaving religion. Nothing helps. FML

agreeclassic 696

vote type 1 260

Today, I told my boyfriend that it's time for him to stop blaming others and own up to his mistakes. He retorted, "Don't blame me!" FML

agreeclassic 32 419

vote type 1 3 852

Today, I learned that my son’s godmother forgot about the baptism date and booked a family holiday to Italy. Her mother is also on the trip and she is the officiant. I gave them both the date over 6 months ago. Everything is already booked on our side for that date. FML

agreeclassic 2 269

vote type 1 297

Today, I pulled a groin muscle. While cleaning the cat litter box. The last time this happened, I was playing high school football. 40 years ago. FML

agreeclassic 809

vote type 1 121