Nearly FMLs

By haley - 05/04/2016 10:12 - United States - Houston

Today, my flight was delayed three hours. Once my flight landed we had a three hour drive home and it's 5 AM and my dad is still making me go to school in two hours and we have yet to leave the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Birchwood - 05/04/2016 10:07 - United States - Dayton

Today, I am traveling to Orlando Florida from central Michigan, I have been in a car for nine and a half hours. which wouldn't be so bad if I had a brother who knew what personal space was and it would be better if I want on my period and haven't changed my pad in six hours FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By scarred - 05/04/2016 09:23 - Australia - Frankston

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, my parents took this as a competition and decided to see who could do it louder. I have never been more horrified in my life.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By where the cats at - 05/04/2016 09:10 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, my sister is out on yet another date. I'm four years older than her and I've never been asked out on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By dscuhiu - 05/04/2016 09:02 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for her mum to come and pick us up. We saw her pull up by the curb nearby so we walked over and tried to open the door. It didn't open so we tried harder. Turns out it wasn't her mum but some random stranger who then called the cops on us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By really nigga - 05/04/2016 08:42 - Australia - Bentley

Today, I went to the doctor because I had tonsillitis. She prescribed some antibiotics without telling me what they were or asking if I had any allergies. I had an allergic reaction and had to go back to get different ones. The doctor got mad at me for "screwing up her day". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By BaDumTsss - 05/04/2016 07:46 - Australia - Balwyn

Today, my first boyfriend broke up with me because I beat him at Mario Kart. On our one month anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By joeyFaddick - 05/04/2016 07:43 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I stopped to help this kid who accidentally got the leash of his dog stuck on a streetlight. His dog bit me right before I got the leash off. When I did, it chased me. I tripped trying to walk away from the dog, spilling my coffee. His mom walked up and said not to "Intimidate her dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By cbw1201 - 05/04/2016 07:26 - United States - Mobile

Today, 3 days after my boyfriend asked me to marry him, he broke up with me because "I just add to the stress on his plate." Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By asadteen - 05/04/2016 06:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I chose to finally ask out my crush... Only to find out my "best friend" has been dating her since New Year's Eve... FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By APeach - 05/04/2016 06:19 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my mom gave me money and told me to take my brother out of the house while she planned his birthday party. We're twins. I guess now I know who's my mom's favorite kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By idiot - 05/04/2016 05:47 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was sitting out the front of a fish and chip shop drinking coffee with a friend, she left to catch a bus and I went to the bin, I made the mistake of dropping my 2 month old iPhone 6 in the bin instead of my coffee cup. I had to ask a nearby plumber to get it out with a shovel. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By randomschoolguy - 05/04/2016 05:28 - United States - Hemet

Today, we had a school video project due. When we presented, something went wrong with my microphone, and made me sound like a cyborg. To make things worse I sounded like I was being held prisoner during the video. I am now called the basement cyborg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By OH MY GOD - 05/04/2016 05:21 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I went ahead and bought my girl friend a brand new car for her 18th birthday. She always wanted this specific car but she could never afford it. When I drove it to her house I saw the exact same car outside. As it turns out her father bought the car for her as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Devilworshipper? - 05/04/2016 05:13 - United States - Rochester

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. No, I didn't cheat, lie or even hurt her; but apparently because I'm left handed I am "an incarnation of the devil". What the heck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SorryWrongBrother - 05/04/2016 04:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was my boyfriend’s date to his brother’s wedding. As he introduced me to his relatives his mother stumbled over, drunk, and loudly introduced me as the girlfriend of – you guessed it – the groom. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By comedyduo - 05/04/2016 04:14 - United States - Wellesley Hills

Today, while at my professor's office hours, I noticed one of his hands was bloody and pointed it out. Being the awkward weirdos we are, we stared at his hand in silence for a while before panicking like heck. Turns out we can't tell the difference between blood and a leaking red pen. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By 47twixbars - 05/04/2016 04:12 - United States - Irvine

Today, I got the words "Waldo" and "dildo" confused, and ended up asking my parents "Where's dildo?" in front of my entire family. I'm 16. They won't stop laughing at me. It's been 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Military Friendzone - 05/04/2016 04:08 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I got the courage to ask a girl I like and have been talking and hanging out with for 4 months if we could move to the next level and start dating. She said that she would love to but she's going into the military soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 05/04/2016 04:03 - United States - New York

Today, my sister hit me in the balls with a wooden baseball bat, and a piece of the bat broke off, and cut my leg. Now I have crushed balls and stitches on my leg. I didn't do anything to deserve it, and my sister has yet to get in trouble because she is "too young to get it." She is 10 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By 47twixbars - 05/04/2016 04:02 - United States - Irvine

Today, my landlords refuse to let me adopt a therapy animal for my clinical depression. Not even a fish. How the hell is a fish supposed to "infest the house with fleas and/or dander?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By WHAT? - 05/04/2016 03:56 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I went into the doctors. Thinking I had heartburn, only to be told I could have gallstones and I might need to get my gallbladder removed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By FalloutScrolls - 05/04/2016 03:55 - United States - Chicago

Today, I checked my bank balance and saw I was hundreds of dollars in the negative, with an erroneous auto-pay by my insurance company. Thing is, I used my debit card 3 times, resulting in more than $100 of overdraft fees. The issue was fixed, but they're both refusing to cover my overdrafts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By issheserious - 05/04/2016 03:50 - United States

Today, my angry friend said I didn't understand what it's like to struggle when I tried to calm her down. Her parents told her they weren't funding her online shopping addiction anymore but will still pay for her tuition/rent/food. She knows I used to be homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By aimbug - 05/04/2016 03:49 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, good friends of my boyfriend and I told us we weren't invited to their wedding because they needed to cut costs. We were both a little guttered but understood. The groom invited his boss of two months, we have known them almost two years. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By HelloPal - 05/04/2016 03:45 - United States - Springfield

Today, I found my grandpa going through my clothing. After asking what he was doing, he admitted to needing something to clean himself off after jerking it. He also admitted to doing it for the past 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By PackardBell - 05/04/2016 03:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, my dog took a huge chunk out of my face with his teeth. Coincidentally, today was also my first practice for my hockey team where every practice is mandatory. I had to go to the ER, and I ended up showing up at practice after it ended. The coach didn't care, and I got kicked off the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By emeraldarcher74 - 05/04/2016 03:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was setting up some expensive equipment in a field to monitor seismic activity. After setting it up, I noticed a naked man running at me. Before I could do anything, he knocked me to the ground and ruined my equipment. I have no idea how to explain this to my superiors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 05/04/2016 03:31 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my roommate and I finally got internet in our new house after 5 weeks. This would've been great; if he hadn't have gone straight to the bathroom and me hear him climax 5 minutes later. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By MikaykayUnicorn - 05/04/2016 03:22 - United States - Blanchard

Today, I took a bone away from my dog because he almost choked on it. He responded by biting the shit out of my hand. Sorry for trying to keep you from dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

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The Top

Today, I got fired from my dream job. I found out today that the girl who trained me lied and taught me how to do things wrong, so that when she got back from maternity leave, she could get me fired and take her job back. My new coworkers were in on her plan from the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 900

You deserved it 1 592

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 023

You deserved it 221

Today, I had to go to the dentist to get 11 cavities filled. I took a wrong turn and ended up being 10 minutes late. My dentist told I had to reschedule because of his "10 minute policy." I have to wait 14 days now to get my cavities filled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 1 308

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 313

You deserved it 4 941

Today, I was t-boned by a car that sent mine flying into five parked cars. My car was totalled. As the person who hit me pulled me out of the right side of the car he said, "Sorry. I sneezed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 142

You deserved it 2 806

Today, despite being on the pill and always using condoms, I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend I want to keep it, hoping he wanted to keep it too. He told me he hopes I enjoy being a single parent, because he absolutely does not want it, but knows I’ll never get an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 671

You deserved it 630