Animals: Today, my dog decided to come up with a new way of letting him...

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By linderisweird - 05/04/2016 02:41 - United States - Shidler

Today, my dog decided to come up with a new way of letting him outside at 4 am. He jumped on my bed then sat on my head (that rhymed). He is an English Bull Mastiff that weighs 206 lbs. FML

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Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

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vote type 1 3 140

Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML

agreeclassic 49 977

vote type 1 5 746

Today, I suddenly awoke on the couch in the dark early-morning hours to the pungent odor of something burning. I ran all throughout the house looking for a fire but there was no sign of it. Exhausted, I crashed back down on the couch and let one rip. It had been me. FML

agreeclassic 2 827

vote type 1 842

Today, while my man raves about that one time he went hiking with his brother, without even a sleeping bag, spending the night under piles of dry leaves, now that we are looking for a small camper van, he insists it must have a toilet, kitchen, and indoor shower. FML

agreeclassic 557

vote type 1 162

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

agreeclassic 26 199

vote type 1 9 403

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the first time in a while. When he came over we realized that we had not only gotten the same haircut, but we were also wearing the same sweater. We are a matching old couple at 17. FML

agreeclassic 14 527

vote type 1 25 835