Nearly FMLs

By failure69 - 09/04/2016 21:47 - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend asked me to join her in the shower, so I slipped off my clothes to join her and slipped on the water that was leaking out. I have a major concussion FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By george_s_4 - 09/04/2016 21:24 - United States - Schenectady

Today, My parents are trying to tell me to go to a community college instead of the college I want to go to because it's way cheaper. All throughout high school my parents had told me if I got in to a good college and wanted to go there they'd find a way to pay for it. I guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By batshitcrazy - 09/04/2016 21:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I took some Advil due to extreme stomach pain, hoping to return to studying for my exams. Somehow my batshit crazy aunt was convinced I was in the process of dieing. I am now at a poison control centre undergoing extensive testing. I was taking a nap. They're asking me if I'm suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By IAmMe204 - 09/04/2016 20:52 - United States - Miami

Today, my family wrote "Happy Birday! we love you" on my bathroom mirror. I was too obsessed with the spelling mistake for hours that I couldn't focus on the fact that they told me they loved me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 20:38 - United States - San Diego

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me cause she wanted to party more. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By lolugh - 09/04/2016 20:28 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I have been asked to prom and had that offer revoked 4 times, by the same guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By nobody knows - 09/04/2016 20:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made a steak for myself because my parents aren't home. This dinner me took along time to make and I put a lot of effort into it. As I was eating it, my lazy older brother decide to give himself a free meal and ate half of the meal that I made. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By blown cash - 09/04/2016 20:04 - United States - Stockton

Today, I spent hundreds of dollars making my girlfriend a scavenger hunt across the city that she could go on and experience all the attractions of the city, and would eventually lead to me asking her to prom. She called me an hour before and said things weren't working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By stuck - 09/04/2016 20:01 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was about to break up with my insane girlfriend do to her being both mentally and physically abusive towards me. Right before I could, she told me if I ever leave her she will call the cops and claim I hit her because "no one will believe a woman could abuse a man". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By PuckYouToTheFace - 09/04/2016 20:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my boyfriend has been making me do workouts with him. I can barley walk and am in so much pain I can't sleep at night, and upon expressing this, his only response was to tell me 'no pain no gain' and 'I don't want a fat girlfriend'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By room service please - 09/04/2016 19:53 - United States - Victorville

Today, my lazy hit an all time low when I decided to stay in bed for 3 hours and calling my mom pretending to be sick just so she could bring me food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By cutiecuppiecakez - 09/04/2016 19:52 - United States - Manchester

Today, my older sister, her fiance, and I all got stoned. After they went to bed, I was left alone with a skittish cat and the sounds of them having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By LuciferMorningstar - 09/04/2016 19:42 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I had a wet dream where Tom Ellis pounded me to the best orgasm of my life. It was so intense that I woke up yelling, "Tom!" Now my boyfriend thinks I'm cheating on him because "A good Christian woman wouldn't be having wet dreams about the devil." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By emeraldarcher74 - 09/04/2016 19:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was taking a highly relaxing bath when a spider fell into the tub. Being highly arachnophobic, I immediately leaped out and drained the bathtub. Only after the tub was drained did I discover that it wasn't a spider, but a ball of lint. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By allysus - 09/04/2016 19:26 - United States - Hawthorne

Today, My friend texted me and asked me if I had a crush and I responded "yeah you" and he said "I have had a crush on you to!" I meant to type "Yeah, you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By arianelagolden - 09/04/2016 19:09 - Belgium - Kortrijk

Today, I had to punish my 3-year-old son and sent him to his room. I then heard him telling his 5-year-old brother that he was mad at me, and that when he would be a grown-up, he would buy a gun and kill me. His brother responded that it would not be necessary as I would be dead by then anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By dodged that bullet - 09/04/2016 18:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. Well, kind of. When he said we were going to the carnival I told him I couldn't go on the rides, due to an inner ear issue. He immediately took me back home for being too "boring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By stalinquestions - 09/04/2016 18:43 - United States - Manteca

Today, I got a message from my crush saying how much she loved me I thought I'd call her back telling her that I felt the same only to realise my little sister called her and told her "He's in the hospital being treated for herpes".I don't have herpes. I tired to call her back but she blocked my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By ds - 09/04/2016 18:39 - United States - Passaic

After trying for almost 2 years, I finally became pregnant. On Thursday, my husband and I went in for our 3rd ultrasound (~10 weeks pregnant) to see how our baby was growing. It had died. I had to walk around with my dead baby inside me until it could be taken out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Pharmacy problems - 09/04/2016 18:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, an older gentleman around 60 had come into the pharmacy I work at. He just so happened to be getting Viagra. He looked me dead in the eye and said, I don't need these pills when I'm around you. I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By PettyBetty - 09/04/2016 18:27 - United States - Miami

Today, my boyfriends best friend calls him and tells him he needs to choose between being in a relationship with me or being friends with his ex girlfriend. I'm now single, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Walterz - 09/04/2016 18:26 - United States - Dover

Today, while doing homework I felt a tickle on my thigh and assuming it was my hair I ignored it. I later dropped my pencil only to look down and see a very large beetle on my leg. I freaked out so the beetle flew into my face and into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By durnkid - 09/04/2016 18:05 - United States - Orono

Today, my idiot son found out that the quiet, dorky professors who live next door are both MMA fighters. He broke into their house in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By bigman99711 - 09/04/2016 18:04 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I asked my best friend to go on vacation with me, but claimed he was to busy with work so I decided to go anyway. He must have been really busy when I got onto the same plane as his other friend FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By cmart101 - 09/04/2016 18:00 - United States - Mission

Today, I was contacted by an African American college to play for them. That would be fine, but I'm whiter than an Irish man with no sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anon - 09/04/2016 17:59 - United States - Saint George

Today, I was cleaning this older gentleman's house(I work for a cleaning/care company) and as I was doing so he was looking up house cleaning maid porn on his computer that was linked to his big ass tv monitor, I left right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By ghost5602 - 09/04/2016 17:58 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a physical checkup for highschool. When the doctor had to take a look at my genitals, I got a raging boner. HE had to touch it and told my mom that he thinks I am gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 17:57 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, more companies have wished me a happy birthday compared to real life people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 393

You deserved it 913

By drangonangel14 - 09/04/2016 17:57 - United States - Kennard

Today, today I was flirting at work with a co-worker, as I turned around to leave I smacked my face so hard into a pole that my nose started bleeding enough for the company to call a biohazard team and shut down the whole production floor, just to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By blackbeltj0n3s - 09/04/2016 17:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me. With my sister. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 581

You deserved it 3 293

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 481

You deserved it 519

Today, I put my notice in at work after being one of the top performers in my department. They didn’t even acknowledge my notice, they just sent me boxes to return my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 186

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 559

You deserved it 187

Today, I realized the most consistent friends I have are on weekly Disney+ Marvel and Star Wars shows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 268

Today, my wife told me the only reason she doesn’t want kids is because she requires privacy to poop. That’s it. That’s the dealbreaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 293