Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 02:43 - United States - Maxton

Today I let a nice elderly women from my church hold my newborn child. She smiled at her and said, "your so cute I could just smash your face against a wall and I will someday". I took her away and she couldn't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Arisa - 10/04/2016 02:41 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I was called a "Skanky bitch" because I politely refused to give a random stranger my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By had.enough.of.this.shit - 10/04/2016 02:29 - United States

Today, at work, a homeless guy was sitting outside begging for change. This kind of thing is normal, so I ignored him. However, this man wasn't satisfied with his cash, so he casually walked into the waiting room, sat down, peed on the chairs then walked out. Guess who had to clean up after him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By marcodeaux - 10/04/2016 02:26 - United States - Lake Charles

Today, I finally got the courage to send my long time girl friend shirtless pics and she sent them to her friends saying, "If only he had more muscles and better abs". Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By PleaseNo - 10/04/2016 02:22 - United States - Maryville

Today, I heard my grandmother ask my grandfather if he had syphilis. Yeah, straight up asked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Synchronized? - 10/04/2016 01:48 - United States - Denver

Today, I ran into my math teacher at the store. It would have been okay except we were both carrying the exact same tampon package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By blue balls - 10/04/2016 01:29 - United States - Hilliard

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue. Last night, I had my super hot ex standing before me in her skimpy lingerie ready to do whatever I wanted. I told her no, because I didn't want to cheat on my gf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By autotechforlife - 10/04/2016 01:26 - United States - Lansing

Today, I woke up to a text from my cousin saying that my girlfriend of a year had been cheating on me with one of my cousins friends who admitted it to my cousin while drinking. I woke her up to confront her about it and all she said was (about time you figured it out). Going to be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SupportiveDad - 10/04/2016 00:46 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my daughter came out as transgendered and will be changing her name to a more masculine one. When she was born, I got her name tattooed on my arm. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By sad - 10/04/2016 00:22 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, I found out that my "friends" make plans with me so that i pay for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Madmommy - 10/04/2016 00:16 - United States - Lubbock

Today, after a nice date with my husband that my mother-in-law insisted that we go on, I arrived home to find my infant daughter's head shaven completely bald. When I asked what happened she replied, "It was going to fall out anyways!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By TheRainbowNoob - 10/04/2016 00:12 - United States - Orlando

Today, my neighborhood had a big spring party at the playground. They hired someone to do free caricatures, and I wanted to get one since the other ones looked cool. In return, I got a detailed picture of a turd because it "looked better that way". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By xxteddybearzxx - 10/04/2016 00:10 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, is my birthday. I take a shower to get ready for my party. I get out of the shower and no one is home. They went to my party without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By bloodyhell - 10/04/2016 00:06 - United States

Today, trying to shake myself out of a funk, I decided to take the long walk to my mailbox to clear my head. I hoped to find something in the mail that would cheer me up. The only thing in there was a bill. I got a paper cut opening it. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By GingerSnap98 - 10/04/2016 00:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I'm quite positive I have an STI. My boyfriend recently tested clean and swears he hasn't cheated. And the only other way I could've gotten it was my recent trip overseas. So either he's lying, or toilet seats are that nasty. Either way, I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 23:40 - United States - Allendale

Today, I got bitched out in the street for "talking like a black girl" because I'm white. I was raised in the rough part of Detroit. This is just the way I talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By thatshannah865 - 09/04/2016 23:29 - United States - Cypress

Today, we just got in the car to drive 16 hours home to Georgia from Texas. I am severely nauseous and have diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Employee - 09/04/2016 23:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I was written up in work for not smiling enough. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 22:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today I visited my family, the first thing my dad did was go through my phone to see who I've been calling. He went back through five months of phone calls demanding a detailed description of each one. When I couldn't tell him some details he asked "are you mentally retarded". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By oops - 09/04/2016 22:33 - United States - Eugene

Today, I went to the doctor to check up on my broken pelvis. when I saw my x-rays I could see my penis clearly hanging there.. my girlfriend and I watched the young nurse awkwardly staring at the bottom of the x-ray for quite some time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By spaghetti - 09/04/2016 22:32 - Slovenia - Koper

Today, I came home from a long and stressful day at work, took off my shoes and stepped directly into a pile of cat vomit. After cleaning up the mess I decided to have a piece of cake from the fridge in one last attempt to cheer me up. I dropped the whole cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By puff - 09/04/2016 22:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. We just closed on a house and moved in together. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 22:26 - United States - Guilford

Today, My friends dared me to drink a bottle of hot sauce. I did it, and am now on the toilet, shitting out fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 3

By Anon - 09/04/2016 22:18 - United States - Pottstown

Today, my manager commented that I'm beginning to look fairly muscular. A coworker then chimed in "and you still can't get a girl". Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By collarbonegoals - 09/04/2016 22:07 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I broke my collarbone after doing a handstand. Since apparently it wan't bad enough already, my arm will be in a sling for two months. I have a band performance in a couple of weeks, and I'm the only snare drummer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Liimbix - 09/04/2016 22:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wife gave birth to our beautiful new black baby boy. She and I are both white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 22:03 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, after our son was diagnosed with severe allergy on our dog, my husband suggest to give up on son and keep the dog. I guess, I should call him an ex-husband now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By bigfoot - 09/04/2016 22:03 - Ireland

Today, I finally realised how much body hair I have when I had to give my dog and myself a flea bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By balnuaimi - 09/04/2016 21:59 - United States - Redding

Today, my grandmother told me that my college graduation was her event and that she will be calling all of the shots. Futhermore, my input is considered unnecessary. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By KneeJerker - 09/04/2016 21:55 - United States

Today, I was on a bus heading home. I got thirsty, so I opened my water bottle, which, somehow, pressurized between this morning and this afternoon, squirting water all over me and my neighbor. I'm soaked, and so is he. Only 4 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she actually has three kids, so if we marry I’ll be a "step-daddy." We’ve only been dating for four weeks and she’s already talking marriage and some other dude's kids. I was out of the door so fast. Four weeks wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 252

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 520

You deserved it 804

Today, some bloke pushed me to the floor and kicked me twice in the head so he could steal, no joke, the two Greggs pasties I just bought. He wasn’t homeless either, he had designer jeans and a giant iPhone, and he did it in broad daylight with witnesses. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 91

Today, at the pool, I decided to face my fears and go off the high dive. I slipped off the edge and did a barrel roll into the pool while screaming like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 115

You deserved it 6 556

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 318

Today, a passing by bird managed to poop through my car's sunroof and onto the center console. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 680

You deserved it 3 188