Nearly FML

By MrSadClass - 09/04/2016 17:54 - United States - Merrick

Today, I gave my students a diagnostic quiz to see how ready they were for the upcoming final. This just so happened to be the same day that the Psychology teachers were testing, and I was written up for testing on a day that, "wasn't my day." FML.

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By Cocobutter - 09/04/2016 17:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried logging into my Gmail account.. and learned that it had been disabled due to "suspicious activity" the only thing I've done lately is delete spam emails.. there goes all of my accounts, money, and work for the past 7 years down the drain... FML

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By dexasterous - 09/04/2016 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out what a fantastic day it was going to be, when my significant other woke me up by vomiting all over the bed and of course me. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Spentpoet - 09/04/2016 17:40 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom, she broke up with me as soon as I asked. I now am loveless and dateless. FML

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By anonymous - 09/04/2016 17:33 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw my boyfriend naked for the first time, it's about three inches. FML

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By xando - 09/04/2016 17:30 - Canada - Delia

Today, I got a flat tire while driving. I had to replace the rubber so bought two brand new tires. After having them installed I went to drive my truck home. When I got home both brand new tires were flat and wrecked. I payed $300 for those tires. And I'm broke. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By anonymous - 09/04/2016 17:28 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I found out my brother cums in my socks because he doesn't "want to fill his with that gross stuff". FML

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By darkintentions - 09/04/2016 17:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiancé had decided to use my brand new sewing scissors. I had explicitly told him not to use them. Though I may have forgave him, if he weren't using them to trim his pubes.

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By bellethirty - 09/04/2016 17:13 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I was planning my graduation party. My mom wants us to have fruit bowls. All this while she doesn't care about my severe allergy to fruits. When I brought it up she reminded me about how she doesn't care about my "allergies". FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By mustanggt - 09/04/2016 17:07 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I arrived at my soccer game to find that the referee was my ex's father. We had recently gone through a bad breakup. I was given a red card before the game even started. FML.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By Anon - 09/04/2016 17:06 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I got pranked by my best friend, which was supposed to be on April fools. He cut a huge hole in both of the pockets to my favorite jacket and a few pairs of jeans. I proceeded to loose my keys, wallet and the ring I was going to use to propose to my girlfriend today on the metro. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By raphcribb - 09/04/2016 16:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I used my phone at work to quickly answer a message while there were no customers. My boss saw me and lectured me for about two minutes, before answering a phone call from her chatty mom for the third time today. She talked for about half an hour. This happens a lot.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Boodaman1027 - 09/04/2016 16:54 - United States - Overton

Today, I was brushing my teeth when my cousin walks in and asks "What are you doing with the toilet brush?"... He was talking about my tooth brush. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By leeroyjenkins420 - 09/04/2016 16:25 - United States - Newnan

Today,I was peeing in the shower when I noticed the drain plug was down. I then had to reach my hand into pee water and take out the drain plug. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By ngai - 09/04/2016 16:18 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I found out that worms do in fact hide in apples. After I bit into one. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By spit swapper - 09/04/2016 16:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I have a new appreciation for how bad it is when I ask my girlfriend to swallow. Today she sucked my dick, pretended to swallow, then tongue kissed me. Now I'm afraid to let her suck my dick ever again . FML

agreeclassic 5

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By notmydayanyday - 09/04/2016 16:06 - United States - Austin

Today, my little sister kept joking and saying I watch lots of porn in front of my dad. I have never watched porn in my life. He believes her. Fml.

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By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 15:32 - United States - Roxboro

Today, I finally gained enough confidence to wear a dress. When I went to the grocery store, a little old lady came up to me and asked when I was due. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By DShell - 09/04/2016 15:14 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my dad yelled at me for not having my learner's permit at 17, even though he's the one who keeps putting off taking me to get it. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By peeepantsu09 - 09/04/2016 15:13 - Germany

Today, since I am struggling with weightloss, my dad listed all the health risks of being overweight to me yet again, all because I asked what we were going to eat for dinner today. Why did I ask? I just finished an 8-hour-shift and haven't eaten anything all day. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 15:08 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I'm crying in pain because I have to pee so bad, but am too shy to walk two steps from my room to the bathroom while my dad has guests over. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By OedipusYECH - 09/04/2016 15:07 - United States - South Lyon

Today, my immature best friend screamed that he fucked my mother. Upon further inquiry, I discovered that he wasn't kidding. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By penknife - 09/04/2016 14:57 - United States - Denver

Today, I met the man of my dreams, again, after a decade. Turns out he still thinks of me as some 17 year old idiot. FML.

agreeclassic 3

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By Robin - 09/04/2016 14:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend who just broke up with me after 6 years of being together, is now dating the ex-boyfriend of my high school girlfriend who broke my heart 10 years ago. I also found out he inherited a ton of money when his father died so he never has to work. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 14:28 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I overheard my crush telling her friends that she liked me. Then they all started laughing, including my crush. Then one of her friends said "Alright, next lie!" FML.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 0

By anon - 09/04/2016 14:23 - Canada - Port Perry

Today,I was talking to a really cute girl, and something came up about weight. She said she weighs 120 pounds. What I meant to say was "wow, that much? I didn't expect that since your so little!" What actually came out was "Wow, that much? I didn't expect so little!" FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 3

By KungFuJack3 - 09/04/2016 14:08 - Australia

Today, I was working all day, when I got home I checked my snapchat and had 14 messages from my girlfriend. Each one of them was her having sex in different positions with some other guy... FML

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 1

By bonjourhello - 09/04/2016 13:53 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, like every other day, I'm in love with a man who loves me back. Unfortunately, we also hate each other and he takes every chance he can get to make me jealous, including pulling one of my friends down into his lap while making eye contact with me. FML

agreeclassic 5

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By manga - 09/04/2016 13:44 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was woken up by strange sounds from the vent in my room. I soon realized the vent leads to the basement bathroom and found out the sound was my dad was jerking off. I couldn't fall asleep again until he was finished. I can't unhear this. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By raphcribb - 09/04/2016 13:40 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, I woke up with a crazy need to pee. However I didn't get up right away and when my boyfriend came in the room to kiss me goodbye, I got horny and conviced my him to do a quickie before he went to work. When he got up after it, there was a small puddle on the sheets under my area. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 4

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Top

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

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vote type 1 2 385

Today, it's my first day off in over two months. My colleagues disagree - they won't stop calling me. I'm not allowed to turn my phone off. FML

agreeclassic 1 618

vote type 1 180

Today I bought the Gold edition to a game for $90. I expected to be very good only to realize it was the same as the previous installment. I went to check the refund policy and it said that I had to have played less than 2 hours, I had 121 minutes. FML

agreeclassic 2 560

vote type 1 1 025

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

agreeclassic 4 762

vote type 1 2 824

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

agreeclassic 16 725

vote type 1 56 648

Today, after 8 days of being on a medication that makes it hard to go to the bathroom and no luck taking laxatives and drinking coffee and apple juice, I finally got to go. Too bad I was at my desk at work when it happened. I washed out my pants in the bathroom and got to sit in wet pants for 4 hours. FML

agreeclassic 1 133

vote type 1 91