Nearly FMLs

By siyca - 08/04/2016 15:06 - United States - Denton

Today, my brother stayed home from school because he was sick. My mom said, "At least it's not Ebola!" and my brother says with a confused face, "Ebola? You mean our president, Barack Ebola?" He's 11. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By gemstone586 - 08/04/2016 15:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I volunteered to clean tables at a community event. I hadn't been working 5 minutes when a grown woman threw up in the grass. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Bert_Maqulin - 08/04/2016 14:50 - United States - Miami

Today, I took an alternate way to work that should have cut my commute by 10 minutes but extended it by 30 mins instead because of construction... I had an appointment first thing that I was late for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By arieus84 - 08/04/2016 14:47 - United States - Nashville

Today, despite the fact that I am still recovering from a massive double kidney infection that almost hospitalized me, my mother is trying to guilt me into watching my nephew. Apparently, only my sister can get a break when she gets sick.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By ineedthecops911 - 08/04/2016 14:46 - United States - Pomona

Today, There was a creepy old guy and 20 year olds staring at me at my bus stop. I have to deal with this every time I go to school. I'm 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By NeedSteadierHands - 08/04/2016 14:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, in preparation for my girlfriend coming back to London from visiting family i decided to do a bit of manscaping. While cleaning up the hair along my shaft, i accidentally managed to take a small chunk (3/4cm) of skin off and now i'm scared for the sex later in case the wound reopens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 08/04/2016 14:38 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I was talking to my crush about sexual experiences. She told me about this one time she had sex with a guy with an "unbelievably small" dick, like just over 5.5 inches long. She laughed as she remembered it. Mine's only 4.5 inches long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By 73012211 - 08/04/2016 14:29 - United States - Irving

Today, it's 2 am, and I just finally got home. I was lost, and my phone was dead, but luckily I had a map, and know how to read one. Unfortunately, the map is so old that the part of town I'm in, built in the last few years, isn't even on the map. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 13:52 - United States - Denver

Today, two of my best friends are getting married and I'm a groomsman. However, I've been too sick to eat for three days and today isn't looking better FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Wife_of_a_Pedo - 08/04/2016 13:49 - United States - Iowa Park

Today, after suspecting him of cheating, I decide to look through my husband's phone. One of the photos was a nude picture of my 13 year old sister. My husband is 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 08/04/2016 13:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend compared me to her dog. The dog won. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By lolingeverywhere - 08/04/2016 12:43 - Australia - Calamvale

Today, my entire household consisting of four adults and a child, got food poisoning including projectile vomiting and explosive burning diarrhea. We only have one toilet... Ones on the toliet, two have buckets and myself and the child are in the garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By atleastimgettingpaid - 08/04/2016 12:37

Today, and for the past whole month, I've been looking forward to getting paid at work today, as I couldn't afford to eat anything except top ramen and Cheerios. Now that it's finally here, I feel too sick to eat anything, but not enough to keep me from coming in to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By tinkandfinn - 08/04/2016 12:10 - United States - Aurora

Today, I let my pot head brother watch my dogs while I was at work. I came home to my brother nowhere to be seen and dog poop and vomit on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 11:48 - Canada - Moncton

Today, I found out that my cat actually does prey on smaller creatures after years of wondering if he actually kills for when there are mice. I would have been proud of him if it hadn't been my bird that he killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By skye147 - 08/04/2016 11:34 - United States - Durham

Today, the had the fitness for ROTC. I wasn't too worried about it, because all we have to do as freshman is "attempt" to pass it. This is especially important for me, because I am being put up for a scholarship and this is the last thing on my checklist for it. I slept through my alarm. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By oh hell no - 08/04/2016 11:03 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I tried to explain to my friend that while she isn't cheating on her partner, I'm sure he wouldn't like her messaging other guys telling them how hot they are and that if she were single she'd hook up with them. Apparently I'm now a horrible best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By sam - 08/04/2016 10:41 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I woke up for school in a great mood. Got dressed did my morning routine. Then I went to go down stairs to get water. Not realizing my sisters toys were at the top of the stairs , I tripped. Fell down the stairs bashed in the front door and then fell down another case of stairs. My day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By UnluckyBarista - 08/04/2016 10:41 - United States - Chicago

Today, after over a month, I was finally scheduled to work with one of my favorite coworkers again. I was very excited, and did everything I could to make sure I would be having a good day with them. That is, until I woke up and proceeded to vomit immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By never lucky - 08/04/2016 10:27 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I lost my debit card. I rushed to the bank to get it canceled and to get a temporary card. Guess what I found in the driveway after getting out of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By meshemesh - 08/04/2016 09:41 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I finally broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years after realizing I was unhappy with our relationship and that we've become different people. Now he seems unstable and I'm hoping he doesn't leak the nude photos we shared together out of spite of me leaving him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 09:30 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my best friend was laying on a blow up mattress with her phone laying beside her. I ran up and kicked the side of the mattress to try and scare her but instead ended up causing her phone to fly through the air and slam in to the side of her head. She no longer trusts me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By slaveworker - 08/04/2016 08:34 - United States - West Warwick

Today, it's 4 AM and I've finally arrived home from work and gotten myself ready for bed. I have work at 6AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Bawsack - 08/04/2016 08:10 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I went for a job interview. My current boss found out and fired me for 'not being dedicated to the company'. I didn't get the new job because I was too attached to the old one apparently.FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By RastaFanny - 08/04/2016 07:42 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I decided to take myself to 'O' town after a few months of no intimacy (due to heavy workload, stress and a chronic pain disease). Something felt a bit odd so I investigated. Turns out, it's been so long, my pubic hair grew a dreadlock. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By js - 08/04/2016 05:58 - Australia - Windsor

Today, I paid $100 for a new phone case. It's shock proof, dirt proof and water proof... But not kitten proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By bawlin - 08/04/2016 05:50 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I was forced to submit to a full body pat-down by a very masculine female TSA agent at an airport. Not only did she purposely rub her hand over my vagina multiple times, but she also smirked at me when I told her I felt very uncomfortable. No one will believe me or help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By dani_darlin - 08/04/2016 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried waking up my boyfriend with a blow job. I've done this a lot in our relationship. but this time he punched me in the face, because he was having a war dream. now I have to go to work with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By GeckoEnvy - 08/04/2016 05:28 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, I had my gecko out while I was playing a game on my iPad, he jumped onto my iPad and apparently his feet register on the touch screen. With a series of correct taps he defeated a boss I was struggling with. My gecko is better at games than I am.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By wellthen - 08/04/2016 05:21 - United States - Kittanning

Today, I noticed that while my siblings will refuse to borrow a shirt because I've touched it, they have no problem taking and wearing thongs that have been in my asscrack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 358

You deserved it 7 289

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

You deserved it 16 686

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 472

You deserved it 6 082

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of me and says "Oh very nice. How much?" I reply "You couldn't afford me." An old guy sitting next to me says "I bet I could" and puts his hand on my leg. I forfeited the bus and walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 308

You deserved it 26 056

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 719

You deserved it 9 389

Today, my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me, saying things are moving "too fast". All I did was tell my 3 year-old that my boyfriend's parents are his new grandma and grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 3 543