Nearly FMLs

By alana554 - 08/04/2016 22:29 - United States - Cumberland

Today, I went to the water park. I wanted to go on the Poseidon's Plunge, a water slide where the floor drops out from under your feet and you're nearly going straight down. I got water up my vagina. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By veryhopelessromantic - 08/04/2016 22:11 - United States - Vancouver

Today, while in the library, the girl who I had been crushing on for multiple years sneaked up behind me and pinched my butt. I let loose the girliest and loudest squeal, causing everyone to look at me and laugh. She acts like I don't exist now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By best friends forever - 08/04/2016 22:02 - United States - Killeen

Today,my friend told me that my boyfriend was going to propose. She left out the small detail that it was to another woman.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By rip to my entirety - 08/04/2016 22:01 - United States - Excelsior

Today, I was home alone talking to my mom on the phone. I started telling her about some issues with my nether region when suddenly I hear, "Hi." It was my dad. He was home, but only a room over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By In pain - 08/04/2016 22:01 - United States - Moncks Corner

Today, after a 3 year long recovery from a lower back fusion, I found out I need 2 cervical fusions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By to be deaf or not to be deaf - 08/04/2016 21:45 - United States - Allentown

Today, an customer at my work accused me for being fake. I'm hard of hearing and yeah, I liked to wears $2,000 hearing aids in both of my ears just for a show off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Just my luck - 08/04/2016 21:30 - Canada - Brantford

Today, well having sex with my girlfriend, I called out her sisters name. Let's just say I'm homeless now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:27 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today I thought I had the bladder power to hold it in until I got home. 2 minutes into the car journey I had a little accident on my car seat. I'm 26 FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By RoseLich - 08/04/2016 21:25 - United States - Youngstown

Today, while walking my puppy, I went through a crosswalk at a busy intersection. An old man in a van decided this would be the best time to make his left turn, trying to swerve and hit me. When we locked eyes, he yelled that he hated my hair. I've never been so confused and frightened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By I really like cereal - 08/04/2016 21:14 - United States - Rockville

Today, I let my indecisiveness get the best of me when I carefully poured not one, two, but four different brands of cereal into a bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By BonerJesus - 08/04/2016 20:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl. I jokingly said "Something's rising and it ain't Jesus." Turns out she was a very religious Mormon and punched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By olleekenberg - 08/04/2016 20:39 - Sweden - Kristianstad

Today, I had to pee out a large kidney stone. The doctors said that it had made it too far on its route out for them wanting to do surgery. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By slothstronaught - 08/04/2016 19:48 - United States - Schofield

Today, I awoke to find my big toe twice it's normal size. This makes standing let alone walking extremely painful. Even after visiting the doctor, who said to stay off of it for a while, my manager still had me come into work... I stand all day FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By LordStarkVI - 08/04/2016 19:24 - Turkey

Today, I had a very hot wet dream. Then, when I was having breakfast with my family, they told me I told them something while I was asleep. Appereantly I told them EVERYTHING about that dream. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By HylianBadger - 08/04/2016 19:06 - United States - Dickson

Today, I spent over an hour looking for my phone because I was expecting an important call. I was getting frustrated because it wasn't anywhere I knew it to be last. I finally found it when I heard it ring. My cat was lying on it. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ouch - 08/04/2016 18:33

Today, while I was sleeping my new kitten discovered my nipple ring and decided she wanted the shinny object and ripped it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By sastgamer - 08/04/2016 18:27 - United States - Brainerd

Today, I awoke sicker than a dog without the ability to speak due to my throat. Told my sister I was sick and then went back to bed. Awoke around an hour later to my mom yelling at me for being a truant. Not only did my sister not tell my mom, but my mom didn't believe me when I said I was sick. fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By iNinetails - 08/04/2016 18:07 - United States - Houston

Today, the girl I have been friends with for a little over a year confessed she had feelings for me. I was surprised, but also happy. Till I remembered I watched her and her cousin share a very passionate kiss at her birthday dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By BlackRosey_ - 08/04/2016 18:06 - United States - Tampa

Today, the garbage truck stopped in front of my house. They got out of the truck and went to the other side of the street to relieve themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By loopisnoopi - 08/04/2016 17:29 - United States - Tucson

Today, my friend woke me up to tell me I kept moaning about about a man named Bruce in my sleep. She asked who Bruce was and I told her is a coworker but really I was dreaming about Bruce Wayne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By eww - 08/04/2016 16:56 - United States - Ogden

Today, my dad took a shit and didn't flush it. My dog then took a drink from the same toilet. Now there's shit water on the floor and guess who has to clean it up. This isn't the first time it's happened. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By zwitrose - 08/04/2016 16:50 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had just finished an amazing job interview and I was excited to tell my fiancé but when I got downstairs he was on his phone with his dick friend and when I asked him to politely hang up and call him back he promptly made fun of me and knocked my coffee out of my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 16:44 - United Kingdom - Winsford

Today, I had to knock at a neighbours to pick up a package. When she went to hand it to me, her three year old ran out into the hallway wearing no clothes. The only thing I could think to say was 'She looks like you.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By MallowMistress - 08/04/2016 16:39 - United States

Today, I threw up so hard I peed my pants. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By kitcattt - 08/04/2016 16:34 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me, with multiple guys. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 15:48 - United States - Asheboro

Today, I ran out of my makeup foundation. Everyone that saw me thought I was sunburned. I even came home to see that my mom bought me aloe gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Atomizer - 08/04/2016 15:27 - United States - Eagle River

Today, I spent three hours trying to convince my friends that atoms are indeed a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By sleeping my future away - 08/04/2016 15:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, we had the fitness test for ROTC. The test is the last thing on my list for my scholarship. I was so nervous last night that I feel asleep late. I overslept and didn't wake up until after the test was over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By popcorn - 08/04/2016 15:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I woke up and stepped on my live pet hamster. I heard it squeal, then I felt it squish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 4

By ripepeaches - 08/04/2016 15:10

Today, my insurance can't get in contact with a woman who smashed into my drivers door when my car was parked. She didn't have license or insurance on her so I had to get her # and call to get her insurance. Three weeks later I still don't have a door and no one can contact her FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 153

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 134

You deserved it 2 276

Today, is my five year anniversary. My boyfriend said he was gonna get me something shiny this year. I thought he was gonna propose. He got me a set of sparkle glue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 694

You deserved it 3 516

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 868

You deserved it 2 731

Today, I looked over my next homework assignment for art class. It was to draw a portrait of my best friend. I can't think of anyone besides my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 327

You deserved it 4 515

Today, I heard on television that a body was found in my city's water reservoir. Word is that it was dead for over a week. I've been drinking and showering with that water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 514

You deserved it 2 805