Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a friend of mine informed me that his sister used to give him regular handjobs. When he saw the disturbed look on my face he said, "it was platonic and not sexual at all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 07:30 - United States - Cumming

Today,I decided to pull the old plastic wrap under the toilet seat trick on my roommate,since we've been at a bit of a prank war. Little did I know that he had chronic diarrhea,and needed to go badly. It's everywhere.FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 06:56 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my drunk roommate and his girlfriend barged into my room already heated and all into each others faces. They proceeded to have sex on my bed. I was forced to jump out of the window to escape the awkward situation. I now have a twisted ankle and no keys to get back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 06:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today my wife's sister tore off her shirt and bra right in front of me because she heard my wife comeing down the hallway. My wife then accused me of trying to cheat on her. I told that I didn't know why she did that. When my wife walked away angry her sister just laughed and said "that was fun" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By ? - 10/04/2016 06:50 - Israel

Today, after my wife decided I eat too many sweets, she moved all of the chocolate in our house to our daughters bedroom for protection. Now, whenever my daughter binges she blames it on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 06:48 - United Kingdom - Chester

Today, my favourite pet chicken was killed by my parents dog. To make me feel better, they offered to take me out for dinner as their apology. They took me to KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Wheremymoney - 10/04/2016 06:40 - United States - Riverside

Today, I was out with friends at a restaurant. I had to leave early so we paid in cash and left. Later I was called and told one of my friends had to pay them again because they couldn't find my money and wouldn't let her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonnnn - 10/04/2016 06:23 - United States - Rosanky

Today, while casually munching down on some Chex Mix, I bit down really hard on a stale pretzel, then I realized that it was actually my tongue ring and now my tooth is broken and I have to pay extra because, according to my dentist, my teeth were ugly anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By LiSwtSLaS - 10/04/2016 05:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today I got ready for a ten hour drive pulling a friends moving trailer, we made it about four minutes through town before a tire gave out. This is going to be the longest trip of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By lefir1 - 10/04/2016 05:49 - United States - Olympia

Today, I searched the house for the strange sound that suddenly came about only to trace it to my husband who was lint rolling his balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 10/04/2016 05:45 - United States - Aspers

Today, I felt so tired at work that I started napping in the back on top of the tablecloths. Then, I woke up freaked out and ran around the restaurant trying to fix my lack of service, but it was too late. Finally, I woke up from my dream in my bed. I guess these 80 hour weeks are getting to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By RandKP - 10/04/2016 05:44 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I work overnight at a hotel front desk. I asked a party to turn it down due to noise complaints. The client preceded to yell, swear, and insult me. Why? Because my Manager couldn't be bothered to let the front desk know he had given them permission to "party on" all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 10/04/2016 05:32 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I went to go use the bathroom during my lunch break. I left my sandwich on my desk and my co worker thought I forgot about it so she went into the bathroom and slid it under my stall. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 05:15 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after a long day of work, I took a shower, it wouldn't have been so bad if the shower head had not launched itself at me, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 05:08 - Canada

Today, I got my period. In the middle of my wedding vows. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By jovikid - 10/04/2016 04:59 - United States - Pompton Lakes

Today, my laziness reached a new low when i decided to not use my vibrator so i wouldn't have to get up and clean it after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Allergy Kid - 10/04/2016 04:57 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out I have a new allergy. To strawberry-fig febreze. After heavily spraying it in every room of my apartment. It's 11:00 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By oh it hurts - 10/04/2016 04:52 - United States - Houston

Today, I was reading a flyer and waking down the stairs with my dog in my hand. I tripped & rolled my ankle. My dog is fine, but now every step hurts and I still have to walk back up the stairs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By eagleriverjohn - 10/04/2016 04:23 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I wore new shoes on campus. About halfway to my first class, my heels began to hurt badly. I stop to take a look and turns out the shoes were cutting into my heels and causing them to bleed. I can't go home to change them and I still have a lot of walking to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By dead laptop - 10/04/2016 03:54 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my mom mailed my brother's laptop to a repair shop along with my charger by mistake. I have a project saved on it that is mandatory to be presented on Monday. The laptop won't be coming back for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anime77 - 10/04/2016 03:50 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was trying to pull my covers up in bed but my dog wouldn't move so I ended up accidentally punching myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By alwaysaja - 10/04/2016 03:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my mom and I visited my grandmother in the hospital. My brother and his girlfriend, happened to be there too. My grandmother introduced my brother and his girlfriend as "my grandson and granddaughter" and introduced my mother and me as "my daughter and her daughter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By unicorn2312 - 10/04/2016 03:39 - United States - Excelsior

Today, when tongue deep in my girlfriend, my dad walks in says "damn lesbians are hot". Then proceeds to walk out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By PackardBell - 10/04/2016 03:24 - United States - Columbus

Today, we had to do an experiment in my chemistry class. We each took samples of our own saliva, and a machine would process the different materials inside. When I saw my results, it said I had semen in my saliva. Then, my professor gave me a speech about abstinence. In front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 3

By HylianBadger - 10/04/2016 03:22 - United States - Nashville

Today, I went to the bathroom at work. There was a strong shit smell left over from the person before me. As I was leaving another person walked inside, then turned and looked at me in disgust. I was innocent. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By FBG - 10/04/2016 03:03 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I spent the day at my girlfriend's grandparents house. After 9 hours I couldn't hold it in anymore & ran to the bathroom. In 3 minutes it was all out & my girlfriend text me to tell me there was no toilet paper left. All that's in here are white wash cloths, my shirt, & cotton swabs. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By buddy560 - 10/04/2016 02:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just branded V on my chest which is the first letter of my girlfriends name, oh wait... my Ex-girlfriends name, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 4

By warmhandswarmheart - 10/04/2016 02:51 - United States - Ponte Vedra Beach

Today, I accidentally fell asleep on the couch with my boyfriend. Since my parents are quite strict, I quickly got up and went to my own bed. Turns out, my mom had already seen us. She woke my boyfriend, sat him up, and said, "You fell asleep with your hand on my daughter's crotch". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Me - 10/04/2016 02:50 - United States - Kentwood

Today, I told my girlfriend I loved her after sex, and she replied saying "I love you too Harry." Which is my best friends name.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By thisisthestupid - 10/04/2016 02:45 - United States - Towson

Today, I caught my boyfriends friend taking pictures of me from across the room. When I confronted him he denied it. I could see them on his phone in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I stumbled across my boyfriend's tumblr page. I've known him for years and never knew he had one. Being curious, I decided to give it a look, only to be ambushed by a wall of furry porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 265

You deserved it 844

Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 252

Today, my husband and my mother's hatred of each other has got so bad, I wasn’t aware of why until now. She was his headmistress in high school, then they had an affair while he was at university, shortly before he met me at a Starbucks and dumped her without knowing I was her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 96

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 161

Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 318

Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 923

You deserved it 2 491