Nearly FMLs

By unluckyinlove - 11/04/2016 01:01 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because my sister absolutely despises her and looks sad whenever she sees her. When I told my sister, she freaked out, asking "What did you do?!" and saying that we were the perfect couple. The Hell, sis? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Crappy Dad - 11/04/2016 00:49 - United States - Converse

Today, my girlfriend was over. My dad took this opportunity to take the most foul smelling dump in history. My dad walked out, looked us her in the eye with his most serious look, and said "Shit happens" and walked away grinning. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By BrokenPoptart - 11/04/2016 00:42 - United States - Youngstown

Today, I spent ten minutes scrubbing my arm raw to get Sharpie drawings off me. I was almost dome when I realised the spot I was trying to clean was a freckle that was under the Sharpie. My arm still stings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By kibble50 - 11/04/2016 00:31 - United States - Pocatello

Today, I looked at my messages from last night and saw that I sent a girl a Shakespeare quote while wasted last night. Needless to say I haven't got a reply back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Flee - 11/04/2016 00:21 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, my ex decided to show up unannounced, with a suitcase of mine that i've been needing back for ages. After meeting up I thanked him for returning the bag. He wanted to get lunch but when I said no he started sulking in the station, trying to make me feel guilty. He's 31 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Unfortunate mistake - 11/04/2016 00:21 - United States - Greenwich

Today, I was snapchatting the girl I like and I meant to say what's up but since my older brother messes with my auto correct it changed it to "Fuck soon?" And I sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By SoGoodAtLife - 11/04/2016 00:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a rather grouchy customer approached me about my chewing gum on the job. I'm a merchandiser with extreme anxiety, and chewing gum calms me down. I later found out that she complained to my boss, which somehow got me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By XxNikixX - 11/04/2016 00:14 - Guyana - Georgetown

Today, I came home to find my elder son burning my younger son's homework with a magnifying glass.FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By My Friend is an Idiot... - 11/04/2016 00:12 - United States - Cedar Grove

Today, my friend's boyfriend told her that his proctologist told him he has heart cancer from his heart beating too fast because he smokes weed too often to control his anxiety disorder. Also, he has liver cancer from doing weed. She didn't believe me when I told her everything wrong with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By tshark5000 - 11/04/2016 00:08 - United States - Linden

Today, my father screamed at me saying that I am "refusing to take care of my body" and I need to lose at least 10 pounds. All for accidentally pouring too much ketchup on a hot dog. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Probably Fired... - 11/04/2016 00:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, I was riding the elevator at work with a stranger. Trying to be polite, I struck up a conversation and informed him that the regional president was supposed to be in today and I'd heard he was a real dick sometimes... and he said "I am?" FML!

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By ravenblue_6 - 10/04/2016 23:54 - United States - Chicago

Today, I woke up and put on a pair of pants. I noticed that a weird smell lingered in the air, but thought nothing of it. It was only after I felt my pants and realized that they were wet, that I realized that there was cat pee on them. I had been wearing cat-pee pants for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By she - 10/04/2016 23:41 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I read up on alkaline water and made my own by adding baking soda to my water. I've been sitting on the toilet for thirty minutes sh*tting my life away. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ZiGgY576 - 10/04/2016 23:40 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, during which he said how much he wants to have sex with another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By dickfingers - 10/04/2016 23:35 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was at a secondhand store looking at CDs. I found one by my favorite band, but after picking it up I discovered that the entire back was covered in dried semen. All of my fingers touched it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By littlecow - 10/04/2016 23:33 - United States - Urbandale

Today, I made out with a guy I've only met once for free food. This is a new low in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Skycop_S - 10/04/2016 23:29 - United States - Morton

Today, my dog is sick. I made sure he was fine before going into another room. When I entered, the carpet was covered in liquid shit. After spending quite a while cleaning it up, I went to my room to take a break. Surprise! My bedroom floor had my dog's ass fluid everywhere. Give me a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By gemstone586 - 10/04/2016 23:27 - United States - Owasso

Today, my husband and I volunteered at a community event, hoping to meet new people, since we're new to the area. The only person I met was the lady who threw up in the grass and I didn't even get her name. Just the privilege of cleaning up after her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By nothinglefthere - 10/04/2016 23:12 - United States - Monaca

Today, my relief at work was over an hour late for his shift. I have to be back in less than 9 hours and my drive home is over an hour. My supervisor claims it's my fault for not making sure my guys know their schedule. We're all well into our twenties and his not being able to read a schedule is my fault. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 22:56 - United States - Bronx

Today, i had a violent coughing attack while on the bus. I got a huge glob of phlegm on the deocrative church hat of the lady in front of me. I tried gingerly to remove it with out her noticing. I turned around to see 6 people recording me on their phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By what do I do now - 10/04/2016 22:23 - United States - Rockville

Today, my parents got into a spontaneous fight, and my dad started to throw stuff. Unfortunately, he decided to smash the router and now there is no wifi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 22:06 - United States - Des Moines

Today, in the middle of my class, one of my calculus students broke out in a victory dance because he'd just won a game of miniclip 8-ball pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 10/04/2016 22:05 - United States - Youngstown

Today, I waited 5 hours in the doctors office for a rash on my face that makes me very insecure. When the doctor finally walked in after those 5 hours, he told me to just wait it out and it will heal overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By evanmurphy - 10/04/2016 21:53 - Ireland

Today, the only person that wished me a happy birthday was Snapchat. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous... - 10/04/2016 21:49 - Australia - Canberra

Today, no matter how much my family and I beg for him to let us help him. My terminally ill and heavily disabled father keeps getting up from bed, quietly without telling us, and then falling down and injuring himself even more.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By thebrokeness - 10/04/2016 21:47 - United States - Bronx

Today, while waiting for the bus in front of popeyes a homeless guy told me he was a dollar short and asked if i could help him get a bonafide 5 buck box meal for dinner. I hadn't eaten all day and had only 15 cents to my name. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 21:40 - United States - Glen Ellyn

Today a random kid came up to me and asked how it was possible a man could get pregnant. Then he rubbed my belly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By JustATeenageMess - 10/04/2016 21:31 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my parents had a terrible argument. In retaliation for my Mother taking his cable box my Father cut the power, just as I was finishing my 70 point essay. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By promzilla - 10/04/2016 21:31 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after spending roughly $70 on flowers, gifts, etc., and numerous hours on a poster, I excitedly drove to my girlfriend's house to ask her to prom. When she opened the door to me smiling with the poster and gifts, all she said was "oh..." and turned back inside. Her mom said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By teddybear - 10/04/2016 21:29

Today I have been constipated for a week, I finally had to go to the bathroom and it's sad but I must say this is the happiest I've been in months.FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after we played the "Which celebrity would you sleep with?” game. He decided that since all my answers were guys who looked nothing like him, that I must secretly find him unattractive. Oh and that I would cheat with any of those guys if given the opportunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 244

Today, my husband had a bad stomach bug and fever. While I was at work, he had diarrhoea but couldn't make it to the toilet so he went in the bin next to his desk, crawled back into bed, and passed out. It sat there in this heatwave for 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 297

You deserved it 299

Today, I was trying to scratch off an Xbox gift card. When I started, I heard knocking. I opened the door. No one was there. I went back to scratching the card. Knocking again. No one there. This repeated until the fifth time, when I realized it was my rocking the desk with the repetitive movement of my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 884

Today, I know my grandma has been getting frail as she rapidly approaches the ripe old age of 80, but I had no idea it was so bad that she could break her arm by sneezing. When I tried to explain this to the ER doctors, they all started snickering. Yeah, I don't believe it either, doc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 125

Today, my mother's boyfriend accused me of gaining weight in the middle of a restaurant. He then lifted my shirt all the way to my bra. My mother is angry at me for causing a scene when I screamed, slapped him, and threw a drink in his face, causing him to get arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 134

Today, while working at Subway, I was called a "terrorist" and other names by a customer 'behind my back'. I made him the best sandwich I'd ever made, in order to leave a good impression. Then I had to say the wonderful words, "Your total is $9.11." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 156