Nearly FMLs

By Calingaladha - 11/04/2016 09:03 - United States

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. On the way, my foot landed right on a cold pile of dog crap. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By TMI-Tacos - 11/04/2016 09:00 - United States - Kalama

Today, I casually asked my boyfriend's mom how her and his father met. She happily told me she asked him out at a gym... after her gay best friend told her he had the biggest dick in the locker room. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By dontworkatpanera - 11/04/2016 08:45 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, after a month of working extra hours in a much more difficult position than I previously had been, knowing that this position pays more, I found out I'm not getting paid for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 11/04/2016 08:33 - South Africa

Today, after being out of hospital for a week, and thinking i had picked up all my lost weight, the water pills given by my doctor kicked in, and what i thought was 'weight' turned out to be water retention. I lost 10kilos and my boobs are gone. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 11/04/2016 08:21 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I realized that after dieting and gymming for a month, I had in fact not lost any weight, but my boyfriend has. Apparently he's a 'sympathetic' dieter? Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 11/04/2016 08:16 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I fell asleep with my phone in my hand while waiting for an important call. Startled when it rang, I swung the arm out holding the phone. Into my girlfriend's face. She has a massive bruise and has now jokingly told everyone I punched her out of anger. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 11/04/2016 08:11 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I introduced my first girlfriend to my friends. The first thing said when we arrived was "I didn't know you had a sister." My friends are dicks, but my girlfriend thinks they're hilarious. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 11/04/2016 07:48 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my friend announced her engagement to her boyfriend of 6 months... I congratulated her, and she said "Don't worry, one day you'll get married too." My live in boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, we're not married because we are focusing on careers. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By obake_neechan - 11/04/2016 07:47 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I discovered using handcuffs, now on day seven, has been the only solution to touching myself in my sleep. I also discovered that my dreams are significantly less fun right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By alitakay - 11/04/2016 07:45 - Australia

Today, I was hung over and stayed at my boyfriends house and didn't leave his room the entire day. I could sense judgement from his parents (this isn't the first time) and when they asked me if I threw up at all, I said no. I then proceeded to vomit in their garden and am now praying for rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:44 - United States - Great Neck

Today, I ended up getting with an old flame. I left his house feeling pretty confident ,until my sister started getting texts from him about how all he was thinking about was her all day . FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 11/04/2016 07:43 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I finally got engaged to my boyfriend of 6 years. We got excited and started discussing the bridal party, only for me to realize that I only have male friends. Picking a maid of honour is going to be great. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 11/04/2016 07:38 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, while telling my friend how well trained my Scottish Terrier puppy is, he proceeded to run to her and pee on her foot. He's never done this before. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:33 - South Africa

Today, my friend announced his engagement. While clebrating, we had a dance together, and he whispered in my ear "I'd drop her so quickly if you would leave your boyfriend for me." I've spent two years convincing her he has no feelings for me. She heard and so did my boyfriend of 6 years. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:23 - South Africa

Today, I went to the bathroom at work, only to find the mug I brought to work, due to my germ issues, next to the toilet. And yes, my colleague later admitted to taking a crap while drinking from it. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By BunkBedFail - 11/04/2016 07:12 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my 20 year old boyfriend, who still lives at home because of his diabetes. It was great sex, until I got up to go pee and realized his 17 year old brother, who sleeps on the top bunk, was still up. We usually wait until he's asleep. I'm so embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By chefcat - 11/04/2016 07:10 - United States - Orlando

Today, while getting a pedicure since I work 60+ hours a week, standing on my feet. I told the nail tech my feet were burning. She insisted it was just how hot the water was and now I have chemical burns on my toes from where she didn't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 07:08 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, while having coffee with a friend, the lady next to us interrupted our conversation to give me advice on how to look after my thinning hair. I awkwardly said thanks- and then continued to tell my friend how I'm losing hair because of my thyroid medication. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By OddlySatisfying - 11/04/2016 07:06 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was alone in my room watching oddly satisfying YouTube videos. My computer faces the door, and as soon as a strange pimple popping video started playing, my mom walked in. I haven't talked to her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By I need some milk - 11/04/2016 06:41 - United States - Concord

Today, I was so stressed out and at my breaking point that when I poured a bowl of cereal and realized I had no milk, I cried. For fifteen straight minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By loawe - 11/04/2016 06:25 - Australia - Page

Today, my girlfriend replied a text message during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By wearandtear - 11/04/2016 06:20 - United States - Great Barrington

Today, I was just on the verge of finishing an important paper. Right before clicking the save button,my computer froze and the blue screen came up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 06:09 - Canada - Steinbach

Today I had a sit down talk with my boss after I had been subjected to a coworker losing his temper and screaming at me on shift. Even though I have witnesses to say I did nothing wrong and he was out of line, the boss says he's "not taking sides" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Winnie - 11/04/2016 06:07 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I was eating my girlfriend out when she farted. Right into my mouth. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By KneeJerker - 11/04/2016 05:49 - United States

Today, my best friend complained of having a rough life, as his family "only makes about 70k" and could "barely afford a 900 dollar art tablet", while I'm barely able to afford my rental at 1,200 and drive a car with a laundry list of issues. Apparently, I'm the bad guy for snapping and crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By thank you cum again - 11/04/2016 05:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend woke me up with a hand job. It was all going great until i was about to cum and she pointed it at my face and said, "let's see how you like it". I didn't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 3

By Randy - 11/04/2016 05:44 - United States - Ferdinand

Today I went out to eat with friends, halfway through my sandwich, i was chewing on a tough piece of meat for like 30 seconds. Finally I spit it out and found out it wasn't a tough piece of hamburger, but a bloody band-aid. They acted like it wasn't a big deal and i didn't even get the meal free FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By WhoaZombie - 11/04/2016 05:33 - United States - Dowagiac

Today, I came home from a weekend getaway only to find someone had kicked my entire fence down piece by piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By greywolf19k - 11/04/2016 05:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I dismissed myself from class to use the restroom. I sat in the stall and ripped one of the longest, loudest farts of my life. My classroom shares a wall with the bathroom. The class heard everything. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By SlipUp - 11/04/2016 05:10 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I learned what it feels like for a doctor to slip whilst giving you an injection, I also learned how it felt for a hypodermic needle to break of inside your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 556

You deserved it 4 566

Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 767

You deserved it 30 590

Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 219

You deserved it 3 860

Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 827

You deserved it 11 608

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 039

You deserved it 12 738

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 203

You deserved it 385