Nearly FML

By Ginge-y - 10/04/2016 21:11 - Canada - Longueuil

Today, I realised that messily devouring an orange is the closest thing I've ever had to making out. I'm 21. FML

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By MrConfusion - 10/04/2016 21:08 - United States

Today, I witnessed my brother getting intimate with my childhood stuffed animal plushie. I will never unsee this. FML

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By IceWrath - 10/04/2016 21:07 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, it is my birthday. I had to travel over 10 hours by car to my parents' house whilst dealing with a horrific case of diarrhoea and two very car sick dogs. My girlfriend and I had to pull over so many times it lengthened our journey by 4 hours. Happy birthday to me! FML.

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By okcrazyeight - 10/04/2016 21:02 - United States - Watertown

Today, I went in a date with a guy I work with. I was wearing a white romper and we went for a nice picnic. Little did I know I got my period, and I stood up my date uncomfortably notified me. FML

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By plasteredgore - 10/04/2016 20:58 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, My boyfriend was fingering me, he started going pretty fast which caused his fingers to slip and stab the inside of my vagina twice. Vaginal skin was under his nails, I bled a lot, then fainted. FML

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By imonly12 - 10/04/2016 20:31 - United States - Palmdale

Today, I accidentally punched my sister in the face lightly. She responded by beating the shit out of me. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By Pocket_Aces2552 - 10/04/2016 20:24 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while locking up after work, I got scared by a small rat rustling through the leaves. I'm a 20 year old man, and supposed to be the tough manager of the restaraunt. FML

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By gingerlover01 - 10/04/2016 20:21 - United States

Today, I stayed up til three in the morning with a girl I really care for, as she's talking about how no one could ever love her I tell her I do, her response, "I mean no one attractive!". FML

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By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 20:13 - United States - Dickson

Today I called out from work saying I was sick. Honestly just over slept. My boss said bring a Dr note. So I go to doctor find out I have strep throat. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 20:11 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I realized the reason I no longer have many friends or people to hang out with isn't because I slowly became an introvert like I believed, but because my parents lack of care about fighting in front of company and my dad's alcoholism led me to be afraid to invite people into my life. FML.

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By livin'thedream - 10/04/2016 19:56 - United States - Fulton

Today, My fiance dumped me. She said we were living separate lives, both working 40hrs and school. We just got a puppy for Christmas. She was the one who wanted me back in school, which is anxiety central for me. No worries its her house so I just have to find a place to live during finals. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 19:46 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was playing kickball in my school and when it was my turn, I kicked it as hard as I could and it hit my teachers head and I was so scared and embarrassed that I just went to the back of the line and hid there while people yelled at me to re-do my turn. FML

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By lemon water - 10/04/2016 19:45 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I woke up extremely thirsty at 4 am. I grabbed what I thought was my new water bottle and pressed the button to open the lid. Something chemically lemon scented sprayed all over my face and in my mouth. It was pledge. FML

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By Liddell - 10/04/2016 19:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while talking about BMI with my friends, I propose to search mine. Comfortable with my weight, I added that I didn't mind if it was on the "fat side". One of them then added, very awkwardly, "Oh, it's okay, it's not like you are suuuuper ugly". Thanks God I'm only "ugly". FML

agreeclassic 3

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By ughnaked - 10/04/2016 19:19 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I woke up in a sudden start from a nightmare about work. I dreamt I saw my boss naked in bed. Now at work I am beet red in embarrassment and can hardly talk to him. FML

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By superstar - 10/04/2016 19:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I played my first gig. afterwards a girl came over and said "I love...." I was thinking "she loves my music" in that split second I was overjoyed. Then she finished her sentence. Turns out she loved the bag of chips I was holding. rock and roll.... FML

agreeclassic 3

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By almostadult - 10/04/2016 19:02 - United Kingdom - Alton

Today, one of my roommates locked me out for a prank. He and another one of my roommates then had an argument over who should unlock the door, as the pranker didn't want to and my other roommate was busy. I was stuck outside in the cold for half an hour until they made their minds up. FML.

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By PhantomKitty - 10/04/2016 18:58 - United States

Today, my mom asked me when my last period was. I'm not pregnant; my boyfriend and I have never even had sex. Apparently I'm just fat. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/04/2016 18:56 - United States - Ballston Spa

Today, my mom told us she's cleaning all the bathrooms for 1 hour. This normally wouldn't be a problem, except I've had intense diarrhea for 2 days now. I'm currently in my room, squatting over my trash can. FML

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By btracy619 - 10/04/2016 18:43 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I realized I've lost control of my life when I spent entirely too much money on fancy cheese. FML

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By musiat - 10/04/2016 18:31 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was texting my aunt and my friend André . My aunt texted that her day was long and hard and naturally I thought my friend André had sent that so I typed back " so is my dick" . Fml

agreeclassic 3

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By Shafro_0 - 10/04/2016 18:18 - United Kingdom

Today I went on a date with a guy I like. When the bill came I go to my purse to pay my half and he says "Oh no, I can't let you do that!" but I insisted and he said "Oh alright then." We laughed... Shortly after he said "But no seriously, could you pay? I'm broke." I ended up paying for him too FML

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By anonymous - 10/04/2016 18:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that I made a horrible decision by getting married in my early twenties. I've tried to divorce with my wife more than once and she keeps saying "You Ain't Goin Nowhere".. FML

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By nodeathtoall - 10/04/2016 18:02 - United States - Festus

Today, I got called in to work twice. This would normally be okay, I love helping out the team. Except for I had been rushed to the ER the night before with liver failure. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By Barf - 10/04/2016 17:39 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, my fiance was kissing all over my neck when he burped unexpectedly. He stopped and pulled away mentioning he kept barf burping. Later on that night by myself, I noticed leftover barf chunks all over my neck. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By anonymous - 10/04/2016 17:34 - United States - London

Today, I was sexting my boyfriend over snapchat when I accidentally posted one of the pictures to my story. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Lucy - 10/04/2016 17:29 - United States - Loveland

Today, I was getting it on with my girlfriend. (we are both girls) As I made her climax, she aggressively punched me in the face because I "kept going" and it made her freak out. I now have a bruised cheek bone. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By HelloGoodBye230 - 10/04/2016 17:26 - United States - Richmond

Today, my pregnant wife threw a lamp, vase, and plastic plant at me because she wanted Chick-Fil-A on a Sunday. 2 months to go. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By shareeverything - 10/04/2016 16:53 - United States - Bristol

Today my husband and I found out that my future sister in law and her fiance have decided to have their wedding on our 5th anniversary. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the bride to be and I didn't already share a birthday. Now I get to share birthdays and milestone anniversaries, yay. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By seriously1738 - 10/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Concord

Today, I snuck out to Wal-Mart with my best friend. Everything was good until we bought grape soda that looked like wine. The car driving by us called the police for "underage drinking". We were escorted to the police station. FML

agreeclassic 3

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Today, I saw a guy struggling with weights at the gym so I tried to help. I grabbed one side of the barbell to “steady” it and instantly realized it weighed about as much as a fridge. I dropped it, tripped over the bench, and took out a water bottle display. He just said, “Thanks, hero.” FML

agreeclassic 114

vote type 1 389

Today, when I got out of the shower, my mother, my boyfriend, and 3 of my friends confronted me for an intervention. My problem? They think I'm a workaholic. What they don't know is that I lost my job 4 weeks ago. I stay up all night filling out job applications. FML

agreeclassic 1 829

vote type 1 234

Today, I posted a question on a forum asking if my week-old nipple piercing would get hooked on anything easily. People assured me that it would be fine. An hour later, I had to climb over a wall to get something and in lowering myself down I forgot about it and dragged my nipple along the wall. FML

agreeclassic 8 704

vote type 1 29 718

Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML

agreeclassic 378

vote type 1 1 095

Today, I’ve become obsessed with Fortnite, like, all I think about is Fortnite. Since Fortnite came out, I'd always said, “That’s such a bad game, it’s so stupid, I’m never playing that.” Now, it’s June 2025, I only started playing in March of this year, and I’ve even become better than my boyfriend who’s been playing for years. FML

agreeclassic 102

vote type 1 450

Today, my family and I were decorating the Christmas tree. It seemed a bit unstable, but we decorated it without any problems. Later, while my daughter sat by the tree, it began to fall. Her grandmother stopped the tree from hitting her. I, on the other hand, screamed like a little girl. I'm a 38 year-old guy. FML

agreeclassic 9 525

vote type 1 33 796