Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 13:33 - United States - Hamlin

Today, I'm moving out of my ex-boyfriends house. Everything was fine considering we ended on good terms. Until I found out that he has been lying to me our entire relationship. Now I'm stuck between wanting to confront him or keeping the peace for the sake of our 3 month old daughter. FML

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By Opheliae - 11/04/2016 13:27 - United States - Rochester

Today, my abusive ex-boyfriend tweeted a series of nonsensical tweets about me completely out of the blue, including accusations that I stalk his new girlfriend and recently tried to infect him with STDs in an attempt to break them up. I haven't seen him in 2 years and he lives 800 miles away. FML

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By imaginaryboygirlfriend - 11/04/2016 13:22 - South Africa

Today, rather than admitting my boyfriend is a girlfriend when someone asked me to see a picture, I ended up saying I have a fake boyfriend. Fml.

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By Anon - 11/04/2016 13:17 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my mom told her bookclub that I'm a drug addict. When i confronted her, she said she lied because I'm boring and she just wanted an interesting story. My boyfriend's mom is in her bookclub. Fml.

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By gaayyyyy - 11/04/2016 13:12 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, in an effort to be supportive, my mom posted on facebook how she supports me and my girlfriend's gay relationship,tagging us both. My girlfriend hasn't told her parents yet, and yes, she has them on facebook. Fml

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By hellno - 11/04/2016 13:02 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my housemate's pregnant girlfriend moved in with us. She's also the girl who dumped me for him. Only 6 months left on the lease. Fml.

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By cacheson - 11/04/2016 12:45 - United States

Today, after almost a year of planning, my fiancé informed me he will not be moving with me to my home state 3,000 miles away after all. I now have the choice of living in a place I hate forever, or dumping the love of my life. FML

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By TheAspieDork - 11/04/2016 12:41 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, my mom gave me an uncomfortable lecture, telling me how my interest in literally anything related to video games combined with my lack of close friends makes her think she failed as a parent. I never got to play video games as a kid, which likely contributed to major social isolation. FML

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By ok - 11/04/2016 12:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my best friend is getting a divorce and moving back in with me (after 10 months), because he "didn't know living with someone would be so tough." Fml.

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By StillAliveButImBarelyBreathing - 11/04/2016 12:36 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, despite having been diagnosed by a doctor and suffering two major asthma attacks in the last week, my mother refuses to get me an inhaler because, according to her, my breathing problems are caused by the "extra weight" on my chest. FML

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By Replaced - 11/04/2016 12:36 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today I got a call from work while lying in my hospital bed. The woman I had replaced when hired a few months back, was back in the country and 'filling in' while I'm unable to work. Fml

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By Punkd? - 11/04/2016 12:30 - South Africa

Today, my friends played a prank on me. They told me the new guy's mom was an Olympic runner. As an avid sports person, I later asked him about it. His mom is not an Olympic runner. His mom can't run. In fact, his mom is paralyzed and has been in a wheelchair for 20 years. Fml.

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By cacheson - 11/04/2016 12:26 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was turned on by coloring in my clitoris with a washable marker while my childhood toys watched. When I woke up, ready to get it on with my boyfriend, I suddenly realized how creepy it was and lost the feeling immediately. I think there's something wrong with me. FML

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By FootInMouth - 11/04/2016 12:25 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I helped a new friend with something, and jokingly said "How would you survive without your mom?" He told me she died when he was a baby. He wasn't kidding. Fml.

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By animalsarelife - 11/04/2016 12:24 - United States - Springdale

Today, I thought I squished a spider. I was about to take a math test and I reached for my calculator. I felt something on my hand and it was the spider. I screamed and failed my arms and ended up hitting the professor. the spider was a centimeter big. I'm the quarterback of our football team. FML

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By wrongkid - 11/04/2016 12:20 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after a good natured argument with my mom about which burger is better at McDonalds, I found out I was adopted, oh and that she picked the wrong kid. Because of a burger? Fml.

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By TheDumbOne - 11/04/2016 12:15 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I told my mom that I graduated in the top 5% of the country for a board exam after passing my honours degree in accounting. Her response? "I guess I should stop telling everyone your sister is the smart one." My sister is 32 with no matric or ambitions. Fml.

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By Gagggg - 11/04/2016 12:10 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my gran's dogs aren't fixed, so while the one female was walking around, the other was walking behind her licking up the blood. I vomited, and before I could stop her, she licked up some of my vomit too. Not sure i'm a dog person anymore. Fml.

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By 25andgrounded - 11/04/2016 11:58 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my mom tried to ground me for getting a dog. Which would be fine if I didnt have my own house, or if i wasnt 25 and married. Fml.

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By beestingsandblowjobs - 11/04/2016 11:53 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my husband had a bee fly up his pants leg as we left a restuarant. He dropped his pants in a panic and I got on my knees to get the stinger out of his thigh... And then realized how it looked since no one else could see the bee...fml.

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By Heartbroken Girl - 11/04/2016 11:48 - Australia - Brunswick West

Today, after many weeks of mental preparation, I had worked up the courage to ask out my crush, turns out someone beat me to it, FML.

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By Almosthadit - 11/04/2016 11:47 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I had to turn down the guy I like, because I am my best friend's 'beard' so that his family doesn't know he is gay. Fml.

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By Flatbroke - 11/04/2016 11:42 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after years of supporting my boyfriend financially through his studies, and agreeing to support me when it was my turn, he told me he wouldn't be financially supporting me, as I needed to learn how to "independently manage my finances." All of my savings just paid for his degree. Fml.

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By john - 11/04/2016 10:39 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, I found out my girlfriend of two years cheated on me with a 32 year old dude, we are both 19 , FML

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By Kallian - 11/04/2016 10:33 - Australia - Hawker

Today, while working in a nursery, I noticed one of the babies about to fall off his chair. I instinctively dropped what I was carrying and dove forward to catch him. Too bad I was carrying another baby. FML

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By George_Demian_Gr - 11/04/2016 10:25 - Croatia

Today, I've been on my new job as a sales agent for almost a week - my trial period to conclude whether me or my facebook-on-job, procrastinating colleague will get an employment. I need a lot of money to pay my college. She managed to make a sale. I didn't. Guess who's getting fired tommorow. FML

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By droppingout - 11/04/2016 10:05 - United States - Richmond

Today, I had worked on a research paper for months that was due at midnight. It was worth more than half my grade. I decided since I got off at 9 I would review it and then submit it. Guess who the managers didn't let go home until it was 3 in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/04/2016 09:37 - United States - Seattle

Today, I woke up in bed next to my boss. I don't know what's worse the fact that I was the only person he's had sex with besides a stripper, that it was terrible, or that I still have to continue to work with him multiple times a week. FML.

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By Almost Oedipus - 11/04/2016 09:17 - United States - Phelan

Today, I overheard my mom on the phone with her best friend, wishing I wasn't her son. What I thought at first was an implication that she was disappointed in me eventually resulted in detailed, and extremely disturbing dialogue revealing that my own mother has a complex for me. FML

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By tricked - 11/04/2016 09:05 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I paid an "experienced essay writer" from Craigslist $180 to write me a 5 page essay for my university course. She submitted it to me late and it was so lousy that I only got 40%. FML.

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Top

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, he spoke with my mom and the fact that she wants me dead is a huge red flag. FML

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Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML

agreeclassic 1 062

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Today, my roommate texted me and warned me to be careful on the stairs leading to our place because they were icy. I got the message. After I fell down an entire flight of stone stairs. FML

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Today, my husband had confessed that we couldn't go on a vacation this spring because he was out of vacation time. He took two weeks off and pretended to go to work, then came home once I'd left. Another woman? No, some stupid shit in his video game called "Runescape Leagues." FML

agreeclassic 575

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Today, I've gotten the most calls of my life. Turns out the idiot who changed the sign on my local Pizza Hut put up the wrong phone number. My phone number. I've already received 16 calls. FML

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Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML

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vote type 1 3 589