Nearly FML

By Fu*kstrated - 14/04/2016 04:03 - United States

Today, my PTSD from my sexual assault and previous abusive relationship was so bad that I couldn't even jerk off without breaking down crying. FML.

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vote type 1 1

By Ohnoezy - 14/04/2016 03:55 - United States - Parlin

Today, I had really bad sinusitis, so I decided to heat up a microwaveable ice pack to leave on my nose for soothing. Good news is, I'm still alive. Bad news is, I feel asleep with the pack on my face. I now have sinusitis and a nice second-degree burn all over my face.

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 03:48 - United States - North Port

Today, after missing a step and falling on my face in front of 100 people, I got pulled over. As if the night couldn't get any worse I had to seriously pee and just as I'm turning onto my street couldn't hold it anymore and got pee all over myself, my clothes, and my seat. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By why_me - 14/04/2016 03:45 - Canada - Calgary

Today, as for the past few weeks, I've been nauseous, dizzy and exhausted. Since I moved recently and suffer insomnia, I just chalked it up to over exhaustion and sleep withdrawal. I'm pregnant. FML

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By fuckyouverymuch - 14/04/2016 03:39 - Colombia - Medell?n

Today, I was called by the most important national radio station in my country for an interview. After bragging about it in social media and having at least 30 of my family and friends listening and waiting, the interviewer called me 5 minutes before it was due and canceled it. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By blupariah - 14/04/2016 03:38

Today, I locked myself out of my house without my phone. My parents are out of town, and the only other person with a key is my brother that lives an hour away. I had to use the neighbor kid's phone to call my brother. Then had to sit in the pouring rain for an hour waiting to be let inside. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By FingerCrunch - 14/04/2016 03:24 - United States - Lake City

Today, I was eating when my jaw muscles spasmed, snapping my teeth shut. On my finger. I nearly bit my own finger off and almost certainly broke it where I bit. FML

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vote type 1 1

By Noname - 14/04/2016 03:22 - United States - Murrieta

Today I attended a school "dance". I stood between the seats and the dance floor for 45 minutes, all because I was too socially awkward to attempt to dance. When I got up the nerve, the dance ended. FML

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vote type 1 2

By sopha_king_done - 14/04/2016 03:20 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got my rejection letter from university, as you need an average of 70% to be accepted into my program of choice. My average is 69%. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 03:16 - United States - Edmonds

Today I was in the waiting room at my midwife for my a routine checkup after having my baby. I had a sneezing fit and peed all over their couch. Turns out after you have a baby you don't have very good bladder control. Now I know. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By Etweens96 - 14/04/2016 03:15 - United States - Jackson

Today, I had some dry skin on my arm in art class and I scratched it. My classmate noticed and shouted out loud "Is that a rash?!" Everyone stared. FML

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vote type 1 1

By dragoongirl90 - 14/04/2016 03:14 - United States - Redding

Today, my birthday is in a week and my ex-boyfriend who dumped me texted me out of the blue. He proceeded to ask if I wanted to have sex on my birthday. All because we're both single. FML

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By LosingIt - 14/04/2016 03:13 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, my roommate informed me that he's decided to spend the money he owes me for rent on a tattoo instead. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 03:10 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, I realized how pathetic my life is when I spent my entire drive to work comparing the merits of Bob Barker vs. Drew Carey as host of "The Price Is Right." Out loud. FML

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vote type 1 1

By potatoehead178 - 14/04/2016 02:55 - United States - Los Angeles

Today,my Mom told me to go buy her a pregnancy test. As I was at the cashier the lady told me to hold up.A few minutes later there were police officers coming through the told me to put my hands behind my head and told me to shut up. Apparently, a guy can get arrested for buying a pregnancy test.FML

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vote type 1 1

By mikeyel16 - 14/04/2016 02:45 - United States - Humble

Today, I got to work only to find my boss passed out naked on my desk FML

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By anon - 14/04/2016 02:31 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I made myself a coffee and I noticed the taste was off but it wasn't until I'd drunk most of it that I realised I used the carton of dog milk sitting next to the soy. FML

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vote type 1 1

By VictoriaT519 - 14/04/2016 02:30 - United States

Today, I accidentally kicked a piece of glass that was under my coffee table. My living room looked like a Quentin Tarantino movie set. I figured my husband, who was a medic, would help me out. He laughed and said "That sucks." FML

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vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 02:09 - Australia

Today, my boss who is also the system admin called me away from an important job to assist. I found her trying to post a comment to Facebook by repeatedly mouse clicking on the word "enter" in the message "press enter to post". This is not the first time this has happened. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 02:06 - United States - Jackson

Today was my 30th bday. Everyone was nice to me at work and an attractive woman friend offered to give me "anything" I wanted. Married, I declined. Later I thanked my wife for her card/treat and said I really want to be intimate on this special day. She laughed at me and said "don't get greedy." FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 02:03 - United States - Pinckney

Today, while walking to the dining room with a piping hot bowl of soup, I tripped. Bowl flew forward and burned my leg as I tried to catch it. It COVERED the floor in front of my horrified family. I winced and grabbed my burned leg in immense pain, yet all my mother had to say was "My carpet!!" FML

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vote type 1 1

By laneycat - 14/04/2016 01:55 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, my dad went on a rant about how "feminism is bullshit", and how "women are lazy and don't work for promotions". I'm his daughter. Thanks for the wonderful compliment, dad! FML

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By 47twixbars - 14/04/2016 01:49 - United States - Irvine

Today, I found out that my ex best friend that I haven't seen in four years had let our entire school believe that we were dating without telling me. I was in love with him the entire time. FML

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vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 01:37 - United States - Monroe Township

Today After having a search party for my cat (along with my cats brother) we finally gave up and called animal control. Only to discover she had been hit by a car and put down the night before. FML

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vote type 1 1

By dezbriana22 - 14/04/2016 01:34 - United States - Hatfield

Today, I realized my boyfriend only enjoys playing video-games with me when he's better at it, thanks to the controller throwing fit he had when I killed more enemies than he did. I was just trying to have a good time. FML.

agreeclassic 4

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By TwinTurbo - 14/04/2016 01:21 - United States - Palmdale

Today, I walked out to my kitchen in the apartment my roommate and I share to exclaim that my nose was bleeding. I jokingly said that it was due to the cancer raging inside of me, completely forgetting that his grandfather just passed away from cancer two days ago. He didn't even blink once. FML

agreeclassic 3

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By crushed foot - 14/04/2016 01:02 - United States - Naperville

Today, I started a new job testing emissions on cars. One lady brought in a car that failed the test. When I informed her that her car didn't pass, she then took the papers, and purposely ran over my foot. I know have a crushed foot and a $20,000 medical bill. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By 47twixbars - 14/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Laguna Beach

Today, because I am on a shitload of antidepressants and antipsychotics, I realized that I can no longer feel love. I'm a heartless bastard. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Becca34 - 14/04/2016 00:48 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my prom date admitted to me that because I broke my leg, he no longer wanted to go with me. I can't walk and now I don't have a prom date. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By guiilleh - 14/04/2016 00:45 - Venezuela - Caracas

Today, after waiting for two months after I presented a test and had an interview at another department I was promised I would be transferred to, my boss decided to transfer another guy, whom is less qualified than I am, and had the interview not longer than 2 weeks ago. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

agreeclassic 28 651

vote type 1 3 374

Today, I realized that now that I've cut anyone who was toxic out my life, I now have no one. FML

agreeclassic 718

vote type 1 220

Today, I used to think all those exhausted mom memes and jokes were just exaggerated bullshit. That was until I found myself struggling to stay awake during my morning poop and still drinking Red Bull on the toilet. The kids need to get ready for school, and I’m a straight up zombie. FML

agreeclassic 872

vote type 1 325

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

agreeclassic 130 282

vote type 1 5 460

Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML

agreeclassic 30 499

vote type 1 3 033

Today, both of my grandparents died in a car accident. My Mom and Dad thought it would make me feel better to know they were not my real grandparents, because I'm adopted. FML

agreeclassic 63 325

vote type 1 2 829