Nearly FMLs

By lunaangel - 13/04/2016 03:24 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after a month of being self harm free I tripped and ran into a tree . Nobody believes that I didn't do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Speeder - 13/04/2016 03:21 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was speeding up on a road with absolutely no cars. When my daughter said we're going to fast, I rolled down the windows and said "it's an open road!"A cop car came out of a side road and I got an $300 ticket FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 4

By tdl_derp - 13/04/2016 03:18 - Belgium - Antwerpen

Today, i went from student to suspect in a drugscase, all because I obliviously cleaned up some dead Cannabis plants that my fishy neighbour left in the hallway. I was just doing some spring cleaning. I had never seen a cannabis plant before in my life. But i can say i saw a holding cell now, FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By friends - 13/04/2016 03:16 - United States - Rochester

Today, I was texting my Mom. I didn't realize my friend switched some of my words in my phone to something I never say so when I texted my Mom i said "I suck little dicks you" I meant "I love you" ugh FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By eashansahai - 13/04/2016 03:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my dog ran away to my ex's and she refuses to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By GingerSnap98 - 13/04/2016 03:11 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I am a recovering self-harmer. I also broke up with my boyfriend today and was struggling to manage. I kept myself together enough to be able to go to my 3-hour psychology class. And today's lesson: Suicide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By wasteful - 13/04/2016 03:04 - United States - O Fallon

Today, I found out that my husband only uses bottled water to wash his face. Not just any bottled water, but expensive mineral water he had specially imported from Ukraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By bleh - 13/04/2016 03:01 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a simple filling redone. This usually isn't an issue except for the fact that my anxiety was really high today and I almost passed out when they put the numbing gel on. It went from a 10 minute appointment to 30 minutes of me trying to stay conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By dogestuffup - 13/04/2016 03:00 - Jordan - Amman

Today, I was chosen to represent the debate team in my school against a canadian school. I live in a homophobic country and I am secretly gay. guess what was the subject of the debate. Homosexuality. I literally had to defend Homophobia in front of a guy talking about my rights. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 13/04/2016 02:53 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, I decided to show off my soccer skills to my crush during gym. I had a clear shot at goal, except his crotch got in the way. What happened to him? He ruptured his left nut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By dancerox94 - 13/04/2016 02:53 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I had to go the doctor to do a urine sample for a physical for my summer job. I got a call an hour later saying that my urine showed signs of a UTI that I now have to get medicated for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By RogenP - 13/04/2016 02:49 - United States

Today, I got called into the office at work. HR gave me a write up for coming in late. I pointed out that I never clock in late. Her words 'Your clock in times don't matter. You've been late.' We have to scan in. There are computer records of my clock-in times. What's worse? I'm salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anon - 13/04/2016 02:18 - United States - Moreno Valley

Today, me and my girlfriend were getting down with each other and decided to 69, all was going great until she let out a fart by accident... I now have pink eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By SNZL - 13/04/2016 02:09 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I have been housesitting for my parents for a week, mostly hanging around watching TV. Thanks to my mom's untrained poodle's penchant for insane barking, I now have a Pavlovian response to have a mini panic attack every time a fake doorbell rings in a show. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By scarred4life - 13/04/2016 02:08 - United States - Lebanon

Today, while at work, I received multiple nudes and dirty messages from my sister and then a huge apology explaining that her boyfriend shares my name and she hit the wrong contact. That was not a scarring event. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By LeEpicMemerDoge - 13/04/2016 01:52 - United States

Today, I came to the realization that I have more hair on my genitals than I do on my head. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By foodporn - 13/04/2016 01:50 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I became so hungry that I found myself getting aroused from the thought of eating enchiladas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Great - 13/04/2016 01:42 - United States - Wyoming

Today, someone's phone went off during our SAT and had the same exact ring tone as me. After my heart attack subsided people glared at me and I was kicked out of the class. I had to go get my phone out of my locker to call my mom, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By TheBarista - 13/04/2016 01:25 - United States - Bronx

Today, I was cleaning up after closing when I heard a mouse squeak. I then proceeded to search for and try to catch it for 2 hours, before coming to the realization that my stuffy nose was the source of the squeaking, not a mouse. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 01:16 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, my boyfriend was jerking off so hard that he broke my tooth when tried to cum in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By taylovezadtr - 13/04/2016 01:16 - United States - Levittown

Today, I was video chatting my crush and my dad knocked on my door. I told him to come in and he screamed BONZAI and body slammed me onto my bed. My crush wont stop laughing and talking about how much I scream like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By soaked - 13/04/2016 01:05 - United States - Loveland

Today, the new pastor tried to surprise us by spraying water on the congregation, from behind. He was using a fully soaked tree branch. I'm bald from chemo. He hit me square in the back of the head & soaked me & my shirt. I'm now the bag guy because, being startled, I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By TheWorldshaker - 13/04/2016 01:04 - United States - Palmetto

Today, Three months after I received my letter from the judge telling me I have completed all conditions of my probation and am finally free. My probation officer calls me and tells me she has violated me for not paying a fee I've already paid. Jail won't be so bad the second time around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 00:48 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out both my best friend and my sister are pregnant. Neither were trying. I've been trying for ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 00:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my brother lost my $400 Nikon Camera Graduation Gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 00:39 - United States - Greensboro

Today, my Sister went to the office to tell that my parents beat her with a belt constantly. This never happened, and my sister was just mad that my parents yelled at her for not turning in her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By carstairs - 13/04/2016 00:30 - United States

Today as I got into the public bus an old lady upon seeing me promptly commented on how teens ruin their life with pregnancies. I'm not pregnant. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By marisavz - 12/04/2016 23:27 - United States - Mesa

Today, I was standing on a short wall while getting a ball from our roof for my young cousin, my immature brother thought it would be funny to scare me. I fell off of the wall into a cactus, his only response: you were scared though right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 23:14 - United States - Bethlehem

Today in the cafeteria I got punched and called names for "staring" at the popular guy's girlfriend. I was born 100% blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By OliverVetch - 12/04/2016 23:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, on route to a job interview, my belt, pants zipper and button broke. I puffed my gut out and managed to survive 2 hours of discussions without incident, until the very end after papers were signed. The CEO and I stood to shake hands, then they fell down. I lost the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, my son is a vegan who keeps talking about how Just Stop Oil are technically the good guys. My wife won’t stop crying because she thinks we’ve failed as parents by raising an arsehole. I've had a migraine ever since this argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 335

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 985

You deserved it 18 677

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 525

You deserved it 747

Today, I took a test to see if I may have avoidant personality disorder, and if I do, how strong those traits are, as expressed by a percentage based on your answers. I got an 82% when I lied on a few questions, and a 93% when I was completely honest. I think I'd be forgiven for self diagnosing myself here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 244

You deserved it 607

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 844

You deserved it 3 982

Today, I sent my husband a bra and panties pic. He simply “Liked” it on iMessage. Yet he always comments, “Beautiful, hot, gorgeous, sexy, etc.” on bikini models he follows on Instagram’s photos, along with lovey dovey emojis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 335