Nearly FML

By Onigori - 13/04/2016 18:32 - United States - Chicago

Today, I ended up the restroom at the same time as one of my professors. I hate pooping in the same bathroom as other people, so I waited for her to leave before doing my business. Later on, she told me she was concerned at how long I took, and recommended a doctor for me to see. FML

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vote type 1 1

By french_vulpix - 13/04/2016 18:31 - United States - Pullman

Today, after spending the night with my boyfriend, I had to watch in horror as his bright purple vibrating cock ring bounced out of my backpack. It landed in front of the classmate I was chatting with. She definitely noticed. FML

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vote type 1 3

By Trolled - 13/04/2016 18:08 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I searched online instructions for fixing an error code on my old thermostat. The first post that I found actually locked my thermostat, not allowing any of the valid fixes I found afterwards to work. It took me over two hours to figure it out. Well played, troll from 2012. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By ChiefKoala - 13/04/2016 18:00 - United States - Rockwood

Today, the girl next to me in my geology class wouldn't help on a problem, all because I'm a lesbian and that's against her religion. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By Shyan - 13/04/2016 17:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came home from my second job to find my fiance of 2 years having sex with my best friend on my kitchen table in the apartment I pay for... he says he proposed to me to cover it up, when I threw the ring in his face he tossed it to her, FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By dating site disaster - 13/04/2016 17:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I signed up for a dating site, having high hopes i looked at a few profiles and messaged a few people. So far the only two messages I've received are "eww" and "don't even think about it" FML

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vote type 1 1

By evangelicaldemon - 13/04/2016 17:46 - United Kingdom - Alexandria

Today, after waiting 2 years to get my braces out I finally went to the orthodontist to get them removed, only for the fire alarm to go off soaking me with the sprinklers. It's now going going to be another 4 weeks because they're fully booked. FML.

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vote type 1 1

By Cristoforo - 13/04/2016 17:45 - United States - Cromwell

Today, I thought it would be fun to create a hogwarts acceptance letter for an 11 year old that I babysit. He was so excited but when I later told him it was just for fun and he can always just read the books he stepped on my feet and said he'd tell his mom that I hit him when she's not around. FML

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vote type 1 2

By badeshty - 13/04/2016 17:42 - United States

Today, my very conservative Christian mother accused my boyfriend of being gay. How am I supposed to tell her I KNOW he's not gay because of our healthy and amazing sex life? FML.

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vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 17:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a very important meeting at the university I'm applying to. While there, I ate some fries, completed a drawing test, went to go hand it in, and then promptly puked up my fries right onto my drawing test, as well as the program co-ordinator's lap. Turns out, I have the flu. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 17:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was siting in a work meeting when I felt a bubbling in my stomach. Thinking its simply hunger I stood to speak about a slide when I felt something warm run down my leg. I had to pretend to be nauseous and excuse myself from the meeting to go home and shower. Fml

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By I'm so upset lol - 13/04/2016 17:13 - United States

Today, The girl I really like, got asked to prom by my friend who knew I liked her. She said yes and he thinks he did nothing wrong. When confronted, he said "I thought you were gay." FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Issander - 13/04/2016 17:12 - United Kingdom - London

I was in charge of major spring cleaning in my department. My manager was surprised how well I did it. 'Maybe you should fire me and hire me as a cleaner?' I said jokingly. He laughed and then decided to do just that.

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vote type 1 1

By Ginwa - 13/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Covington

Today, I went to two hospitals and neither can tell me if I'm having a miscarriage or not. FML

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vote type 1 1

By Grayjack - 13/04/2016 16:15 - United States - Pine Bush

Today, I was working at a hotel laundromat. I was loading sheets into a machine, when I grabbed something rubbery. I pulled it out. It was a used condom. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Praha00 - 13/04/2016 15:45 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, after losing my homework, I realised how dependent on the internet I have become when I attempted to ask Google where I had put it. FML

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By shockedwife - 13/04/2016 15:43

Today I found out that my husband's ex wrote him explicit porn. He's kept it all. FML

agreeclassic 5

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By tj4234 - 13/04/2016 15:39 - United Kingdom - Laurencekirk

Today, a pregnant anti-vaxxer tried to persuade me that vaccines make you more susceptible to viruses. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 15:26 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, the new girl at work excitedly told me about her 2 yr dating anniversary today and her plans. She then waved to her boyfried walking toward us. He's my best friend's husband of 10 yrs. I snapped a picture for proof later. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By blindandstupid - 13/04/2016 15:08 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, my teacher asked us to copy down a website link in our notebooks for further reading. Having left my glasses at home, I tried quickly writing it down as she read it aloud. Without thinking, I asked "How do you spell hyphen?". The whole class - including my teacher - laughed out loud. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By lunalia6 - 13/04/2016 15:02 - Belgium

Today, we spent our anniversary in the hospital. My husband wanted to make home-made chips, but ended up cutting off part of his thumb. FML

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vote type 1 1

By PingusTheDingus - 13/04/2016 14:04 - United States - Burneyville

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years. I then went to debate practice, only to find out that I had been banned for sexual harrassment. Apparently, she had told them I sent her nudes to everyone. I don't even have a working phone right now. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 13:53 - United States

Today, I took the hangers full of my roommates clothes off the curtain rods in my roommates room because they were bending and are mine. She called the sheriff on me. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By VictoriaT519 - 13/04/2016 13:41 - United States

Today, I accidentally kicked a piece of glass hidden under my coffee table. My living room looks like a Quentin Tarantino movie set. I don't even know how glass got broken in the first place. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By leafaye - 13/04/2016 13:35 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, I tried on a mud mask to clear up some spots. My mother took one look at me and said "you don't have to try so hard to be ugly" FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By Rammer3500 - 13/04/2016 13:23 - United States - Dekalb

Today, my best friend (who I've had a crush on since we met 2 1/2 years ago) and I finally became a couple. She ended it an hour later. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By toukakaneki - 13/04/2016 13:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I got woken up at 4:30 am, to the sound of someone making a lot of noise outside my door. I opened it to see my 45 year old father stuck in a pair of handcuffs begging for my help to get out of them. FML

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By TheseStreetsNeedPaved - 13/04/2016 13:14 - United States - Niagara Falls

Today, I gave my boyfriend road head for the first time. Everything was going great until he hit a bump, I gagged and then threw up in his lap. Fml.

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By KMN - 13/04/2016 13:13 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I came commando to work, today was also the day my pants broke in the front. FML

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By 100%Failure - 13/04/2016 13:02 - United States

Today, I took my drivers test. Everything went well. Parallel parking, flawless, driving, flawless. So far so good, 100% score. However, some impatient a-hole decided to honk at me while I checked for people running the red light. I didn't know they fail you for someone honking at you... FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

agreeclassic 24 707

vote type 1 2 216

Today, I jumped up to touch the ceiling, then I landed on one of my younger sibling's Lego. FML

agreeclassic 556

vote type 1 819

Today, while heartbroken, I reached out to an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He responded to my, “Hello” with, “You need to lift the veil from your eyes. Q is leaving breadcrumbs so Donald can take down the zionist deep state that’s feeding us babies in our Big Macs.” FML

agreeclassic 1 282

vote type 1 236

Today, on the third day of my first holiday ever, I still have food in my stomach from the first night. Yesterday I tried to walk up the beach and ended up crying in immense pain. I guess a holiday wasn't such a great idea after being diagnosed with gastroparesis a couple of weeks ago. FML

agreeclassic 413

vote type 1 164

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

agreeclassic 7 386

vote type 1 12 324

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half carving a block of cheese to make cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

agreeclassic 24 006

vote type 1 5 756