Nearly FML

By KayPlay - 14/04/2016 17:53 - United States - Selden

Today, I tried introducing a friend to a funny podcast I listen to so I load up the most recent episode. However this happened to be the episode where they discussed a botched vasectomy and the ins and outs of canned ham. Now my friend won't look at me the same way again. FML

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By ugh - 14/04/2016 17:47 - United States - Sewell

Today, we were doing archery in gym class. I somehow managed to lodge a piece of the feather on the end of the arrow in my finger. FML

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By itchy and swollen - 14/04/2016 17:34 - United States - Denver

Today, after experiencing sever allergies, I broke down and bought some Zerteck. I took one at night and woke up with my eyes red and swollen to slits... Looks like I'm going to have to put up the allergies. FML

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By Nerdgurl86 - 14/04/2016 17:31 - United States

Today, my brother has a date with a woman who asked him out while he was picking up our dinner last night. I'm on several different dating sites and have been for over a year and am still painfully single. FML.

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By commandokid - 14/04/2016 17:27 - Canada

Today, my car door decided to pants me. Bad day to go commando. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 17:17 - United States

Today, I found out my divorce was final when my ex's cousin showed me pictures of his wedding to his new wife. I have been divorced two days apparently. Fml

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By Mthrfukr - 14/04/2016 17:16 - United States - Southborough

Today, after buying a 70 dollar game, my brother sold it for 15 dollars. FML

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By ashyash90 - 14/04/2016 17:10 - United States - Sharon

Today, my boss said I interviewed poorly by brining up past job experiences and not exclusively talking about my current job. Apparently showing I have a history of leadership experience isn't a good strategy.

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By Anon - 14/04/2016 17:02 - United States

Today, I finally got my birth control I've been waiting on for a couple of months, that would be great if I wasn't a couple weeks pregnant.

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By quitefrankly98 - 14/04/2016 16:55 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I asked my mum to check out some scratches on my back to see if they were infected. She assumed they were from sex and sat me down to give me 'the talk'. They scratches are stretch marks. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:54 - Netherlands

Today, I got my performance results for my full first year in college. Turns out I'm getting a solid 0, I have no credits and no grades. I'm too scared to tell anybody. FML

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By deathworldwide - 14/04/2016 16:52 - United States - West Covina

Today after picking up my girlfriend from her theatre class, I decided to help her study. Instead of studying, we ended up having a talk on how she sees me more as a friend than a boyfriend. No worries though, as she mentioned several times that she wants to keep me in her life as a best friend. FML

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By shoot me now - 14/04/2016 16:48 - United States - Detroit

Today, I answered my boyfriends phone thinking it was an unknown number so I answered, "City morgue: you kill 'em we chill 'em, how may I help you?" It turned out to be his dad calling on a new number. FML

agreeclassic 4

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:47 - United States

Today, while at a small festival, a girl offered to give a bag of candy and a cake pop. Because of how crowded the area was, I found myself with a cake pop and what I thought was a bag of blue rock candies. It wasn't until I got in my car that I found out that it wasn't candy. It was rocks. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:47 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I began dating the love of my life. Today is also the day I found out I have a stalker, who proceeded to track me and him down and threaten to kill us with a hunting knife. We're spending our first night in a police station... FML

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By HappyBirthdayToMe - 14/04/2016 16:29 - United States - Southwest Brevard Cnty

Today, is my birthday. Every year I end up spending the day in bed crying because of one thing or another. This year, I told myself would be different. I booked a flight to Vegas, and kicked the negative people out of my life. Today is also the day I found out my father has cancer. FML.

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:23 - United States - Charlotte

Today, the men's room at my college was out of toilet paper. There was no janitorial staff around, so I asked a girl walking into the ladies if she would mind bringing me a roll. She pepper sprayed me, screamed "PERVERT! HELP ME" at the top of her lungs, and now I'm on academic suspension. FML.

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By anonymous - 14/04/2016 16:05 - United States - Somerville

Today, while I was fundraising, one man threw his cigarette butt into my jar. FML

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By Purexinsanity - 14/04/2016 15:56 - United States - Boca Raton

Today, my neighbor took my dog from my back yard. He says he won't return her until I return his cat. The cat is also mine. FML

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By AllisonGrey19 - 14/04/2016 15:55 - United States

Today, I opened a 3 week old banana for my little sister that was still green. My mom told me to go use the big knife in the kitchen, so after a made a blood curdling scream, my mom ran into the kitchen and got pissed because I woke her up. I cut off the tip of my finger. FML

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By NoBabies - 14/04/2016 15:20

Today, my boyfriend vomited for nearly 5 minutes after having found out my dog peed on his sock during the night. This coming from the guy that said that having 4 children makes a good sized family. FML

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By Andrew6499 - 14/04/2016 14:31 - United States - Dublin

Today, I farted in science class. It was so loud it caused the hamster we were observing to shit itself and faint. FML

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By lovehurts - 14/04/2016 14:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiance broke up with me claiming i dont spend time with her, after i invited her to my apartment, bought her new shoes, and even drove the hour to take her to a movie in her city last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 14:22 - India - Chennai

Today, I thought I was doing better with my acne before 10 people came and told me different ways to heal it cause it looks bad. FML

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By Straight A Student - 14/04/2016 14:18 - United States - Murray

Today, at a job interview, I told the interviewer I had never gotten a B. Apparently, they thought that meant I had below B grades in school. I meant I had straight A's. Guess I won't be getting a call back? FML

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By AllyJoy28 - 14/04/2016 14:01 - United States

Today, I turn 23 tomorrow so I decided to look back on my life. In the last 5 years the only thing that has changed is that I moved back home with my parents. FML

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By Thelonelydino - 14/04/2016 13:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to take a drug test for work, I have never used drugs but I tested positive and was fired after my boss heard about it. I guess the brownies my roommate made last didn't just make me extremely sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 12:50 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, my mum noticed that I have been spending lots of time on my phone recently, so she asked if there was a new guy in my life. I said yes because I was to embarrassed to tell her that I am addicted to FML. FML

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By jorgiaodonnell - 14/04/2016 12:37 - Australia - Croydon

Today, I was told my Dad had closed the P.O.Box he'd previously set up for our family to relocate our mail during our last move. I found out by receiving a phone call asking me which address is best for me to receive my 14 infringement notices, one of which may or may not be a warrant for my arrest.

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By ininja20 - 14/04/2016 12:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to ride my motorcycle to work, while on the highway it decided to die on me so I called my boss and told him I'm gonna be late to which he responded "your off today" FML

agreeclassic 4

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

agreeclassic 1 138

vote type 1 391

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

agreeclassic 37 091

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Today, while at the airport with a cast on my leg, I fell backwards onto my suitcase. My family was too busy to notice my squirming as I tried to get up, so a kind woman awkwardly helped me off the ground. Later on, I found out my dad saw me but thought someone would help me "soon enough." FML

agreeclassic 13 772

vote type 1 951

Today, while I was cooking, my dogs were messing around behind me. I suddenly felt a painful bite on my ass cheek and instinctively kicked back. I then realized it was my 3-year-old daughter, who was laying on the floor crying with a nose bleed. FML

agreeclassic 4 137

vote type 1 1 422

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years said he wanted an open relationship. When I asked if it was because I wasn’t good enough to fulfill his needs, he got mad at me and now expects an apology. FML

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Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML

agreeclassic 29 296

vote type 1 3 949