Nearly FMLs

By bb - 14/04/2016 12:09 - United States

Today, my boss forced me to go back into work to close after I'd already opened the store. I had only an hour to do everything that should have been done in the 5 hours the other person was here. Then as I was leaving I back my fiancés pickup into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Texas54321 - 14/04/2016 10:28 - United States - Temple

Today, my ex-girlfriend whom I have not spoken to in 5 months, showed up at my house randomly. Turns out she's about 6 months pregnant and I'm gonna be a daddy a lot sooner then I expected..yay me..FML.

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By ThatsNotMyName - 14/04/2016 09:14 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, is the third time since my boyfriend and I have been dating, that one of his family members has called me Janine. My name is Jess. Janine is his ex. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By wasitthatbad - 14/04/2016 09:04 - United States - Medford

Today, I finally gave in and had sex with this guy I really like. My fear came true when he wasn't responding to any texts for a couple days. Turns out he's gone to Germany and won't be back for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By confused_wandere - 14/04/2016 08:52 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I fell asleep on my couch. When I woke up, I saw that someone had thrown a blanket over me. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By skunkstripes - 14/04/2016 08:26 - Australia

Today at work, I managed to jam the toilet door shut and had to wait for the supervisor to rescue me from the bathroom. Then I managed to slip on the floor and hurt my back. It would've been fine had I not be recovering from a spinal fracture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 07:59 - Australia - Frankston

Today, I entered the fifth week of being ignored by my parents and brother. Any attempts to start a conversation are shut down with a swiftly closed door, or suggestion I return to my room and leave them alone. Apparently choosing to study as a vet instead of a doctor is an unforgivable offence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By hyphen - 14/04/2016 07:56 - United States - Eugene

Today, my blind Girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me, her reasoning "my face feels ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By A large dude - 14/04/2016 07:37 - United Kingdom - Hereford

Today, I helped a family move their stuff into their new home after I helped in packing up the previous resident's belongings. After carrying 2 dozen 40kg boxes up and down the stairs, the father of the family remarked "Heh, you might lose some of that weight!". I got called fat by a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By rikkirauha - 14/04/2016 07:11 - United States - Cypress

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he claimed I'm too obsessive and clingy, always trying to do what he does. How? Our birthdays are on the same day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By HylianBadger - 14/04/2016 07:09 - United States

Today, I was called a sick fuck by a person who proudly states on her Facebook profile on a regular basis that she is sexually attracted to pineapples. Why? Because I support gay marriage. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By JW3 - 14/04/2016 06:50 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I got home early from my 2 years of Peace Corps service in order to go to a friend's wedding. Too bad her psycho fiance thinks I wronged him back in college so he refuses to let me attend. So glad I left my rewarding work early so that I could be rejected by a fuckwit who never graduated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 06:33 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, the guy I like came up to me at my locker and started talking to me. We got along great and I was flirting like crazy, but by the end of the conversation, he asked me for advice on how to ask out my best friend. I should've seen it coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By awkwardsituation - 14/04/2016 06:20

Today,while we were doing it on my boyfriend's couch,I got so excited that I accidentally kicked him off the couch. He hit his head on a table and passed out,naked. I had to awkwardly explain the scene to his parents. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By pukepee - 14/04/2016 06:16 - United States

Today, I vomited so hard I peed my pants. My fiancé just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 06:05 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my dad and I gave my mom tickets to see the long island medium. The tickets were expensive and a pain in the ass to get, my dad tells my mom that I did all the leg work to get her these tickets and she hugged and thanked him for the tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Oskar - 14/04/2016 05:33 - Germany

Today,someone standing on the sidewalk tried to throw a rock at my car.Luckily he missed,it flew across the street and hit my mom's bmw.She blames me for not blocking the rock with my cheap ass car.FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By aesthetic_007 - 14/04/2016 05:31 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was taking some sexy pictures for my husband, completely nude. When I was going back through them I realized my blinds were open and at least two people walked by and possibly saw. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By badjudgement - 14/04/2016 05:27 - United States - Vernon Hills

Today, while at the gym with my dad, I talked to him in Russian about my erectile problems. The only person around was an Asian man whom I assumed wouldn't know what we were talking about. It was only after he introduced himself that I realized he was from the southern USSR and understood each word.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By mylonius - 14/04/2016 05:19 - United States - Fergus Falls

Today, an elderly customer at work told me that my brown eyes made me look like a "handsome, young gentleman." After I thanked him for the compliment, he closed his eyes and leaned over to kiss me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Aweirdcat - 14/04/2016 05:11 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, my cat brought a mouse up to my room while I was sleeping, and then started to play with it on my floor. I woke up and saw him, not realizing he had a mouse, until it ran away from him. He caught it again and then let it go, doing this multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By #notdeodorant - 14/04/2016 04:58 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, I came home from a friends house to find out that my 15 year old sister had found my vibrator to only tell my mum who told me she sniffed it because she thought it was a deodorant stick, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 04:44 - United States - Juneau

So in class today a cop came in and showed us a slideshow of drugs, what they do to people, how those people act, etc. A picture of a man on bath salts eating a mans face showed and the girl behind me projectile vomited down my back...fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 04:38 - United States - Merced

Today, My grandpa owed me $25 for working with him. I went over to my grandparents house to get it from my grandpa and when I went over there he gave me $9 and said "get better at working." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 14/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, my fear of rejection resulted in me being told no to a date in my own dream. It happened yesterday too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By roadhead - 14/04/2016 04:30 - United States - Murrells Inlet

Today, my boyfriend asked me to give him road head on our road trip to Cali. He told me he saw another couple doing it in the same car we own, so it must be fate. When I refused he threatened to break up with me. Whoever was giving road head in a silver Mazda, fuck you. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By TammyD7 - 14/04/2016 04:21

Today, a 7th grade student threatened to get me fired because I told him that he is not a genius and he needs to work on his math. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By jackothee - 14/04/2016 04:11 - United States - Winter Haven

Today, my mom accused me of smoking pot in my room. All I've done is burn the candle she bought me. I haven't touched weed in months. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By srsly btchz - 14/04/2016 04:08 - United States - Norwalk

Today, our new neighbors downstairs made a noise complaint about us making 'lots of noise'. Funny, they're the ones that have a kid playing drums at 11 o' clock at night and had 40 kids over a while back for a birthday party. Since when do two people make more noise than 40 people. Hypocrites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 04:08 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, as everyday, I hate my job to the point where I am depressed from working there. I've been applying for other jobs, but the economy is so bad, I can't get another. I can't leave because I am the main provider for my household. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 826

You deserved it 42 966

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 035

You deserved it 3 592

Today, is my boyfriend and my 3 year anniversary. We decided to give each other something that we really needed. I bought him the $300 worth of books that he needed for college. He surprised me with a workout video and exercise equipment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 444

You deserved it 11 844

Today, I was rejected from my dream job because my interviewer googled me and one of the images that comes up is a pic of me sunbathing nude in my own private garden. That pic isn’t one I took, it isn’t on my Facebook or anything, I have no f**king idea where it came from or who photographed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 180

Today, I finished a drawing that I spent over 14 hours working on for my mom for Mother's Day. I took it outside to seal it with fixative. I took of the clear lid, shook the can, then sprayed red spray paint all over my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 741

You deserved it 24 686

Today, my clinical instructor told me to stop being so negative, to get over myself, and to focus on nursing school. I'm only distracted because 3 days ago I was told I might have colon cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 022

You deserved it 1 481