Nearly FMLs

By madscientist_17 - 12/04/2016 22:44 - United States - Akron

Today, the man of my dreams who I've been in love with for over 5 years called me asking me to marry me. Too bad I already married another man a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By why? - 12/04/2016 22:38 - United States - Waterbury

Today, I learned that if you cheat on your boyfriend, he'll make you get out of the car and walk a mile home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 5

By anon - 12/04/2016 22:37 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that I have a lot more in common with my girlfriend than I thought, including the fact that we both like girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Yaygamers - 12/04/2016 22:36 - United States - Glen Carbon

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going to take me out on a date. It has now been over 2 hours past the time he said we would leave, and he is still in pajamas and playing world of warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By red - 12/04/2016 22:32 - United States

Today, I am at the hospital for chest pain. Apparently, it's "stress related", and i should minimize my stress. That would be fine, if the stress wasn't from my husband and kids. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By jsburn - 12/04/2016 22:19 - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today i found out my wages will be garnished 25% for a 14 year old credit card debt that my ex wife had in our names. Not only have I not seen or heard from her in 13 years, it never showed up on my credit reports. I asked HR why my check was short and they handed me the paperwork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Dynosaur_dollie - 12/04/2016 21:52 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had an emergency doctor appointment which took almost 2 hours. I was greeted at the door by my 8 month old puppy whom escaped her crate and destroyed a full garbage bag, two different shoes, ate a stick of butter and smashed a vase. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By tabi11200309 - 12/04/2016 21:51 - United States - Nashville

Today, my friend and I were whispering in class. She confided in me that she thought nobody liked her and everybody liked me. I disagreed. Apparently my body decided to prove her right; when I coughed, I farted at the same time. Everybody looked at me and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By London - 12/04/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet as I stood up to flush after taking a massive diarrhea shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 21:45 - United States - Pella

Today, my boss told me that she needs me to be available next Wednesday because we have a big event coming up. This request would be fine, except she threatened to fire me last week if I didn't have Thursdays free and forced me to switch my regular Thursday shift at my other job to Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anon - 12/04/2016 21:39 - United States - Tell City

Today, I was working as a lifeguard at a pool that recently opened. Everything was going fine until a middle aged man came up to me and told me that he can't wait to drown in the pool. I gave him a confused look and he explained that it would be worth it as long as my lips were on his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By laurensaurus - 12/04/2016 21:05 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I was chilling in my room with my sister when we started to hear vibrating coming from my drawer. It was my vibrator. I haven't used it in months and I never use that drawer, so I have no idea why it started going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 21:04 - United States

Today, working as a cart pusher, my pants caught on a broken cart and ripped wide open. Walk of shame time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By loveyoutoomom - 12/04/2016 20:55 - United States - Albany

Today, my mother texted me, apologizing for making me drive her around everywhere after her surgery. When I got home, however, she started screaming at me that I'm not doing enough and that I'm basically "killing her slowly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By IceWrath - 12/04/2016 20:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad walked into our house whilst me and my girlfriend were having sex. Then when my dad left, my mum tried to FaceTime me. If that wasn't bad enough, my dad saw an empty box on the coffee table featuring a detailed image of a strap on. How do I know? He asked my auntie what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By IceWrath - 12/04/2016 20:19 - United Kingdom - London

Today, it's my birthday. I had to drive to my parents' house whilst dealing with a horrific case of diarrhoea, food poisoning and two carsick dogs. My girlfriend and I had to pull over so many times that our journey took over 12 hours. It's only supposed to take 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By what? - 12/04/2016 20:02 - United States - Franklin

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend. He must have known because he avoided me the whole day and blew me off every time I tried to talk to him. I decided that if he didn't want to talk to me to my face then I'd just message. Now apparently I'm the bitch for leaving him over an email. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 12/04/2016 19:48 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today I'm home sick with a cough that isn't so bad that I couldn't go in. I'm home because every time I cough a little bit of pee comes out and I'm too embarrassed to deal with it at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Fatherless - 12/04/2016 19:45 - United States - Show Low

My Mother passed away last month. I was cleaning out her attic and I found boxes of my Mother's old diaries. I started reading them and found an entry with my name stating how sorry she was that she could never tell my "father" I was not his son. She never mentioned who my "real father" was. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By soon to be drug addict - 12/04/2016 19:32 - Denmark - Haslev

Today, my father told me that if i don't go to school, i will become more of a failure than i already am, i will become a drug addict and he will raise my already very high rent. The reason why i couldn't go to school? I got food poisoning from his cooking, but he's too proud to admit it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Aerobic_Exorcism - 12/04/2016 19:26 - United States - Orlando

Today, I managed to get banned from my favorite porn site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By TheLostCauseFML - 12/04/2016 19:11 - United States - Hemphill

Today, I showed a peice of art to a friend and asked them what they thought it was worth and they said, "Who would pay for that junk?" It was my art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Jmdezy - 12/04/2016 18:41 - United States

Today, I was swimming in a friends pool. He decided to get out of the pool and test out my otterbox case to my phone right next to the pool on the cement. Causing my phone to bounce into the water. After days of leaving it in rice and pleading for it to work, it didn't. It was a 500$ phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By TheLostCauseFML - 12/04/2016 18:41 - United States - Huntington

Today, while I was sucking on a piece of candy and conversing with my Mom, I choked on the juice and couldn't breath. All she could do is laugh at my facial expressions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By cockblockedbyhayday - 12/04/2016 18:37 - United States - Brewster

Today, while right in the middle of having sex with my wife her iPad chimed with a notification that her chickens were ready to feed on hay day and she wanted to take a break to feed them fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By TheLostCauseFML - 12/04/2016 18:27 - United States - Huntington

Today, while I was talking to my Mom, I began to say something about an insane asylum when she interrupted me with "Your memory is coming back?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By NoahGamerscoreYT - 12/04/2016 18:25 - United States - Long Beach

Today, my 7 year old son was sitting on the couch, and told me that "He has all the Bitches in the House" and I looked what he was holding in his arms, they were 2 dogs, we don't even own a dog. And i have no idea where he got that type of language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 18:08

Today, I got a prostitution call. Turns out the customer was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By worsttiming - 12/04/2016 18:02

Today, at my grandfather's funeral, my phone began to ring. My ringtone is Ariana Grande's "One Less Problem". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By kristenisforeveraklutz - 12/04/2016 17:44 - United States - Cunningham

Today, I was at the bookstore and noticed a coloring book that I liked on the main display. As I went to pick up a book, I knocked over half of the display. As I went to put one of the books back in its original spot, I knocked over the other half of the display. Everyone stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I started a new job as a resident at a rural hospital. So far, nobody has been able to tell me when the shifts were officially supposed to end. They told me they just "leave when we're done with all the patients." I work on a 24/7 emergency station, and I guess I now also live here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 145

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 517

You deserved it 4 641

Today, a bird crashed into my face. I didn't think that actually happened to people outside of cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 042

You deserved it 212

Today, my mother noticed that I hadn't taken the trash out in a few weeks and angry, piled various full trash bags on my bed. I've been away on holiday for the past three weeks, I guess she didn't notice that part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 3 560

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 984

You deserved it 27 888

Today, TikTok got banned. It was my place for when I’m bored. I’m literally crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 1 026