Nearly FMLs

By NotAModel - 20/04/2016 10:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today at work, I was pretending the long corridor to the kitchen was a catwalk. Someone came out of their office just in time to see my turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By whatdafuck - 20/04/2016 10:44 - Austria - Vienna

Today the guy I'm having a hardcore crush on looked me up and down when we were all alone and said "you look really cute right now!" with the most amazing smile. I turned around and walked away without saying anything. Fuck my anxiety and FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By dadjenner - 20/04/2016 10:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my family and I went out for lunch. The lady serving us was lovely, and when she bent down to talk to my son, he literally spat on her and said; "fuck you, and your eyebrows." He's 6. Discovered that my seventeen year old niece taught him that whenever he feels scared. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 10:15 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I put on some sheets my step-dad got me as a present. I put them on just so he'd feel good, knowing they're white and I'm a woman. Yeah my period also came early today and the sheets are absolutely ruined. Two washes and still stained. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By why can't I be a turnip - 20/04/2016 09:59 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, a good friend of mine confessed her feelings to me. Even though she knew I had feelings for a mutual friend of ours. So I said no. She then looks for comfort in our mutual friend, and in doing so, reveals my feelings for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 09:57 - United States - Charlotte

Today at work, I spent 20 minutes looking for a tool that I needed to finish a job. I asked my coworker if he'd seen it and he said, "I hid it and I'm not going to give it to you, if you want it, you'll have to have someone else get it". he's 53 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 08:27 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I'm having trouble sleeping. Not because of the cold I caught, but because my husband keeps slapping me awake for 'waking him with my snoring.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By tabypatchkid - 20/04/2016 08:15 - United States - San Antonio

Today, a lady told me that I need to lose weight and that I'm the problem with this world. I only weigh 95lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 08:13

Today I accidentally started a fire at work. I work in an office building. I was merely heating my lunch in the microwave. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By FML - 20/04/2016 07:20 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my mum told me after 23 years that I have been spelling my name wrong all this time FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Superbubbs - 20/04/2016 06:26 - United States - League City

Today, we were talking about human appearance in school. Our teacher said something along the lines of "fortunately, all of you are decent looking" and when saying "not all people have good looks" she was making eye contact with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By tessisue - 20/04/2016 06:15 - Germany

Today, I had to explain how I can still pee while having a tampon in my vagina. No, not to my little sister, but to my 19 year old boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Garnetshaddow - 20/04/2016 06:07 - United States - Boulder

Today, I am having technical problems. My old laptop died and I bought a new one. So far, I can't figure out how to use the operating system, it took 6 hours to clear the malware infestation and none of my programs work. I don't think I can get a refund and I have to use my broken laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ffsake - 20/04/2016 06:04 - United Kingdom - Tamworth

Today, I dreamt I took the trash out when in reality I had just missed the trash collection unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By killerLEELOO - 20/04/2016 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend decided he wasn't going to talk me for the rest of the day because my old fling started working where he is employed. How is that my fault? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By warzonechar - 20/04/2016 05:46 - South Africa

Today, I decided to sleep in my maths class as I had extra classes after school. Turns out I had a maths test tomorrow and extra classes were cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By crazycatlady - 20/04/2016 05:44 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I announced to my father and step mother that I'm engaged to my fiancé of three years, instead of congratulations my stepmother glared, smirked and said "glad to see your following in your fathers footsteps". He got married early like me, and got divorced shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SneakyLemon117 - 20/04/2016 05:42 - United States - Norman

Today, is the day I got cleared to longboard after knee surgery! However, it is also the day someone decided to break into my car and steal my longboard, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sharkgirl4 - 20/04/2016 05:41 - United States - Rialto

Today, I have food poisoning and I tried to call off work. My boss said I had to come in or be fired. I have food poisoning and can't stand the sight or smell of food. I work at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By oddbuttrue - 20/04/2016 05:27 - United States - Burbank

Today, i went jogging, when i took my water break an older man who i had noticed had been watching me and running right behind me started questioning me on what grade im in, whether I'm in track, how old i am, all in front of my mother with very creepy grin, i had to leave early because of him, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By not even god can save me from shame - 20/04/2016 05:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to my teacher after class. It was only two minutes later that I realized I'd been unconciously letting a big long fart rip the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By nailtech555 - 20/04/2016 05:01 - Canada

Today, I got a text from my mom saying to cancel the appointment I had made for mother/daughter tattoos for her birthday present because "she just really doesn't want another tattoo." I can't get my deposit back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By lynniemouse19 - 20/04/2016 04:54 - United States - Paducah

Today, I got my ovarian cyst ruptured. I was literally doubling over in pain and couldn't move at all. I called out to my boyfriend and asked him to bring Me my painkillers. He came in and asked me where the sun chips are. Still in pain as I type this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Dyingbruh - 20/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Portland

Today, I was kicked out of a standardized testing session because the girl next to me fell asleep and was snoring up a cacophony, and the supervisor thought I was talking. I was not able to finish the test, and regardless, my scores are all zeroes. Also, this goes on my permanent record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 04:28 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I woke up with a bad tummy ache. Deciding I'd be fine, I went to school anyways. While walking to class, my crush flagged me down, as soon as he reached me, I threw up all over his shoes and his shirt. I can't forget the look of horror and disgust. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By I'll BOOT you offline - 20/04/2016 04:21 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I fractured my fibula while tripping on a pothole while running and am going to be in a boot for four weeks. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, as I'm a swimmer. Not even a month before, injured my shoulder, so I can't swim. That's why I started to run in the first place. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Don't do drugs kids - 20/04/2016 04:19 - United States - Chaska

Today, I took the ACT. I took some Adderal before the test to help me focus. It was working well until I had to pee. I started to focus on how much I needed to pee so much I couldn't pay any attention to my test. I had to guess on the last half of the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 04:08 - United States - Manistee

Today, I was masturbating with the TV on in the background. Just as I was about to finish, one of those weekly emergency system tests came on, several times louder than the actual program. Even the government doesn't want me to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 20/04/2016 04:08 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend and his family. When I got there, his sister started sobbing and ran out of the room. Turns out, my necklace my boyfriend gave me was his sister's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By aaron - 20/04/2016 03:27 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, i went to fish and chips for lunch and fed the seagulls chips with laxatives. Fifteen minutes later we couldn't stop laughing because birds were literally pooing everywhere. Until, to our disappointment we got covered in bird poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Claus isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 015

You deserved it 36 104

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 837

You deserved it 3 409

Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 225

You deserved it 530

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 160

Today, I saw the guy I haven’t heard from in a couple of days posting on Instagram. I texted him, “So you can post on social media but can’t text me back?” He replied with a link to a book on Amazon titled “He’s Just Not That Into You: Your Daily Wakeup Call” and said: “Read this and get the hint.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 707

Today, my boyfriend used the "this isn't working, we need to talk" line on me. How nice of him to wait this long to do so, just days after we returned from the expensive Caribbean holiday that I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 907

You deserved it 5 018