Nearly FMLs

By Kylie - 20/04/2016 17:09 - United States - Ames

Today, my friend told me she thought I didn't like her when we first met but then she said she realized it was just my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 17:04 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I learned that getting a cat is an absolute dealbreaker for my partner of 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By DeadInside - 20/04/2016 17:03 - United States - Acworth

Today, I accidentally hit my Dad's nightstand next to my parent's bed with the vacuum, when an array of sex toys that had been duct taped to the bottom fell onto the floor. If I do nothing, they'll know what I found. If I tape them back, I have to touch them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By UntrainedEars - 20/04/2016 16:53 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I was hired for my first job after 5 months of applications and follow-ups. Too bad I lost it a week later because I didn't know when my training days were. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Samanthahgw - 20/04/2016 16:18 - United Kingdom - Ebbw Vale

Today, I am so clumsy that I managed to shave part of my nipple off whilst in the bath. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By JojoBear_15 - 20/04/2016 16:16 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I resubmitted a résumé to a clothing store I was interested in applying for. While speaking with the manager, I wanted to ask them what their probation meant as it was my first time applying for a real job. I got mixed up and accidently asked about parole. So much for a first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Thelonelydino - 20/04/2016 16:13 - United States

Today, I came home early and went upstairs to surprise my boyfriend. I was really surprised to walk into my room to see him having sex with my mother on my own bed. I don't even know how to tell my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 16:09 - United States - Akron

Today, as I'm recovering from surgery my fiancé decides to end our relationship over Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By BallandChain - 20/04/2016 16:00 - United States - Madison

Today, we were sitting on the couch and my husband suggested that I get up and get ready. I smiled, agreed with him, and got up to follow his advice. He was so freaked out by this that he got up and left the room. Apparently I argue or ignore him so often that he didn't trust me being amiable. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By FML - 20/04/2016 15:55 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my cat puked into my oatmeal when I was scrolling through my phone. I didn't notice and took a huge spoonful into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By GingerSnap98 - 20/04/2016 15:44 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, as for the last few days, I've been constipated. Last night I went on the theory that if I eat enough it'll force things out one way or another. I still hadn't gone by this morning but was feeling alright so I went to school. Guess who is no longer constipated, and almost shit in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By no friends :( - 20/04/2016 15:36

Today, I finally got a text for the first time in weeks. Excited, I looked at my phone. It was my service provider telling me they're cancelling my subscription because I hardly use my phone credit. Oh if only I had some friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By AbbytheMacaroni - 20/04/2016 15:31 - United States - Fort Benning

Today, I ordered my first drawing tablet; something I've been wanting and saving up for for the last 6 years. After being told it was finally going to be delivered, I walk out into the living room to find my chewed up laptop cord in my dog's mouth. I need the laptop to use the tablet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 15:21 - India - Bangalore

Today, i was running after my college bus because it had just pulled out from the stop near my house. After chasing it for some distance, the driver noticed me. He grinned and gave me a thumbs up. Relieved, i slowed down a bit thinking he'd pull over. Still grinning, he sped up instead. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 20/04/2016 15:05 - United States - Massapequa Park

Today, my teacher promised me he'll help me with my college essay. Later he said there's nothing he could do as I'm too stupid to get into college FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anonymous - 20/04/2016 14:57 - India - Mumbai

Today, after a very long time, I saw my crush. I was with my mum. As I blushed looking at him wave in my direction, my mum whispered in my ear saying "You'll never get him bro." Even my mom makes fun of me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By c - 20/04/2016 14:25 - Australia - Bentley

Today, after my first model pulled out of a photo shoot I have to do for school, my backup model also pulled out. Her reason? Someone asked her to cover their shift at work. We organised this shoot weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By lysssaleee - 20/04/2016 14:05 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I had to explain to my 21 year old boyfriend why women get their period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By SteveBassist - 20/04/2016 13:58 - United Kingdom - Ascot

Today, I had a blowout while traveling at speed on the motorway, which ended up with my car nose first in the ditch. The only car that stopped to see if I was ok was someone who just wanted to take a picture, so he could 'Instagram this shit'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 13:04 - Canada

Today, my parents grounded me for having weed. It was the weed they told me to hide from my brother a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By abcombi - 20/04/2016 13:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I woke up to my cat cuddling with me and purring so loud. He was being so cute I put my arms around him and tried to cuddle with him back to sleep. Until he got mad and scratched my whole tummy and ran away. Not even my cat likes my cuddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Natsert99 - 20/04/2016 12:45 - United States - Round Lake

Today, on 4/20, I said to my coworkers "Fun fact: Today is also hitlers birthday." I then got punched in the face and called a "fucking nazi" by my coworker. I'm Jewish, and this isn't the first time he's done this. My boss won't fire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By pipman76 - 20/04/2016 12:39 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that blood is thicker then water when my 8 year old managed to clog our plumbing with a really bad nosebleed.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Mechenry - 20/04/2016 12:31 - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my University group project partner asked me the name of the third member of our group. We've been working on our group project together for five weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ilikespam - 20/04/2016 12:04 - Australia - Matraville

Today, a classmate of mine got a cute new pixie-cut. The teacher admired her hair as I was nearby, and said to me, "you know, you should get this hairstyle", to which she added after a pause, "but then your face would look really round, so maybe not". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By cedarpoint4ever - 20/04/2016 11:45 - United States - Lexington

Today, I was rushed to the ER for an allergic reaction to something I ate. The culprit? A bag of sour gummy worms, of all things. Apparently they are now packaged in the same factory as tree nuts, which I am deathly allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By FMLJohn - 20/04/2016 11:42 - United States - Greer

I let my older brother borrow 100$ for something "important". He promised to give it back, later on he came back with nothing in his wallet and when I mentioned it he told me "never trust anyone, not even your family", I guess I've been taught wrong my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Erebos_ - 20/04/2016 11:38 - United States - Choctaw

Today, my girlfriend of about a month broke up with me. Why? Because I was being "too nice" and "any guy that's overly nice is up to something". I wasn't even making a conscious effort to do so, that's just how I am. I guess now I know why they say nice guys finish last. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By whattaprick - 20/04/2016 11:35 - Australia

Today, I went out for a night with my friends. Being the first time out since losing over 40 kilos I was feeling confident and happy. That was until some dude accidentally grinded on me and turned around and ruined what little self esteem I had by saying 'oh that's so gross' and pretended to gag.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By new flavor - 20/04/2016 11:19 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my dog found a new way to wake me up. Unfortunately, it involves pissing directly into my mouth. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 407

You deserved it 3 654

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 760

You deserved it 3 497

Today, at work I got an urgent message from my boyfriend that there was an emergency and I should come home immediately. I took my last personal day of the month and drove the half-hour home. The emergency? The cat had vomited on the comforter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 539

You deserved it 3 601

Today, my Computer Science professor posted an assignment that's due right before our Monday class… on Monday morning. I wouldn't have even thought to check for assignments this morning if he hadn't done the same thing last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 88

Today, while I was brushing my teeth, my 5 year old-son walked into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That's Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I've been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 303

You deserved it 8 596

Today, I was sitting on the floor petting my cat. Something that felt like a rock was jabbing into my leg so I reached down to remove it. It was an ancient, rock-hard piece of dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 823

You deserved it 1 747