Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 20:13 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, due to extreme financial pressure, I interviewed for a position that I was uncomfortable with at a company with a high turn-over rate. They hired me on the spot. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By popularonion - 20/04/2016 20:10 - Canada - London

Today, I had a job interview. I woke up sick, but not wanting to make a bad first impression, I got ready anyways. I had just arrived at the building when the interviewer called and cancelled, because he was sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By not a bad person - 20/04/2016 20:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was playing video games with a family friend who is about 10. He was getting so excited and screaming so much that his parents came in to make sure I wasn't touching him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TheMike23 - 20/04/2016 19:55 - United States - Silver Springs

Today, I got a call from my friend who slept at my place the night before, along with some other friends. He called to tell me that during the night, they took my comb and swiped it between my friend's ass cheeks like a credit card. Guess what I was using when he called? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 19:54 - United States - Fresh Meadows

Today, because I'm feeling incredibly ill, we're talking fever, indigestion, and puking, I went to lay on my stepmother's bed because her room is a lot cooler. I went to stretch out on her bed, and I felt her vibrator under a pillow. This is not the first time I've felt or seen it there. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By TrippyEyes - 20/04/2016 19:54

Today, I offered to smoke weed with my boss. I did this because we were out drinking yesterday, and he suggested how tomorrow is 420 and what a great hangover remedy weed is. Of course he blacked out and didn't remember his great idea, prompting him to suspend me until I can pass a drug test. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By anon - 20/04/2016 19:53 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my dad and I we're having an argument, he won when he looked at me dead in the eyes and said " Son, if it wasn't for a leg cramp you would've been a puddle on your moms back" I'm still scared to come out of my room FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By chaosinblade - 20/04/2016 19:50 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, I trapped a robber in my brand new Toyota Camry. I had finally saved up enough to buy it after 4 years. In the car was paint for my studio apartment. As I called the cops the robber peed in the paint and threw it around happily my dreams were ruined by a naked man. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Shark Week - 20/04/2016 19:46 - United States - Fort Pierce

Today, wanting to have sex, my boyfriend was fingering me. My vagina felt really wet, so I thought, "Wow, I'm really enjoying myself!" Turns out what I thought was "enjoying myself" was my period blood. It looked like a murder scene. He still can't look at me in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By s.a - 20/04/2016 19:43 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I finally got my driver licence and I offered to take my brother for a ride he ran and got dressed in his new suit and why I asked why he said " I wanna look my best when die" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By NotCollegeBound - 20/04/2016 19:26 - United States - Lenox

Today, my therapist, who I've never met, cancelled our first appointment for the third time in a month. Never mind the fact that I've been severely depressed and financial issues keep me from seeing any other doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sarugaki339 - 20/04/2016 19:14 - United States - New York

Today, It's my anniversary, and I planned out a whole day of activities and spent a lot of money. I was having a peaceful sleep before work, only to be awoken by my girlfriend, biting my nose. Startled, I flailed, smacking her in the face and now she won't talk to me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Hopeless - 20/04/2016 19:13 - Philippines

Today, I realized that all the cover letters for the applications for internship I've been sending for the past few months all had wrong dates on them. I'll probably never get hired and can't graduate because of this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By meowmomma - 20/04/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, my husband and i were engaging in some hot and heavy sex. which would've been fine if our cat hadn't sat on my chest and licked his nose right in the middle of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 19:09 - United States - Washington

Today, I asked my dad to loan me $20. His response? Gluing $20 in quarters to my bedroom wall, before slapping me, calling me an idiot, and telling me to "get a damn job so you can move out already". I'm 16.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By My beautiful mind... - 20/04/2016 18:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at the beach, skipping rocks and eating a sandwich while thinking about life. I got so deep in thought that I unknowingly threw my sandwich and bit the rock in my hand. people saw.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Darkarron - 20/04/2016 18:54 - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I was shaving my legs when I got an itch on my arm. I went to scratch it and only later realized that I forgot to put the razor down when my arm started to bleed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Tejanoswhy - 20/04/2016 18:51 - United States - Milford

Today, my math teacher sent out in the hallway because I pointed out her mistakes on her answer key. Just yesterday she told me to correct any mistakes she made on her answer keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Have6hrsofDetention - 20/04/2016 18:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my principle attempted to talk to me with my earbuds in. After repeating herself multiple times, she got fed up and pulled my earbuds out and told me I was getting two days of detention for intentionally ignoring a superior. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By connorallers - 20/04/2016 18:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend's parents looked through her phone and saw our entire conversation. It turns out they didn't know I existed, and now want to make her move schools, told her that she had to stop being friends with anyone who knew me, and are never gonna let her talk to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By iamapossum - 20/04/2016 18:15 - United States - New London

Today, there was a wasp attacking a bee on the porch. I decided to help the poor bumble. I took my brother's shoe and squished waspy and drug it across the porch. Next thing i know, the wasp crawls from beneath the shoe, unharmed. We dart back inside and now wasps are surrounding the house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Epicurean - 20/04/2016 18:10 - India - Kolkata

Today, my little brother was drooling on a girl in the bus on our trip to an eco park. I suddenly turned towards her and yelled,"he's my boyfriend, we have been dating for 10 years!" Turns out they have been dating for a year now. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By faeliality - 20/04/2016 18:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl collapsed in front of me. Being CPR certified, I checked to see if she was breathing. She wasn't, so I ripped off her shirt and bra and began chest compressions. She sat up, punched me in the face and called me a perv for "taking advantage" of something that was "clearly a prank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 18:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my sister told that I have to wear a dress to her wedding. No exceptions. I'm trans and wears men's clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By CatsAndCandy - 20/04/2016 17:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, I received an email from my sister explicitly stating that I was not permitted to attend her wedding, and that if I showed up she would have security escort me out. All because she is still made at me for getting married before her.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By MessedUpDevon - 20/04/2016 17:48 - United States

Today, we were watching a video in class and I decided to take a nap because I was so comfortable. I guess I got to comfortable because while I was napping I let out the biggest fart of my life.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By asperix - 20/04/2016 17:44 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my crush asked me for a date. i said yes and we parted ways. she called me 3 hours later to tell me it was a bet and she lost . she also canceld it and told me that if i told anyone she would kick me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Beck - 20/04/2016 17:38 - United States - Fremont

Today, I attended the funeral of a distant family member. While speaking with my aunt, I told her how quiet it had been at work lately. Right after I finished the sentence, "Its been really dead today", I remembered she was the widowed wife of the man whose funeral we were at.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anon - 20/04/2016 17:23 - Germany - Bonn

Today, a friend of mine wanted to introduce me to one of his friends, who he called a "nice, funny guy". It was the creepy dude that I've been avoiding for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By ia - 20/04/2016 17:23 - Pakistan - Peshawar

Today, I finally got my coworker in a side room for some naughty time. She has been giving me strong signals and always touching me and I couldn't make a move until I was completely sure. But today when I finally did something, she was on her period. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, was the third day of my camping trip with my "friends". I woke up in my boxers with my hand glued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 394

You deserved it 5 722

Today, I was having sex with my FWB buddy. Right when I was about to cum, he stopped, didn’t even pull out, and said, “Wait, I have to text my mom.” The guy is 23 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 291

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 020

You deserved it 52 014

Today, while working at the zoo, I noticed a boy throwing candy into the warthog's exhibit. The fastest way to get there was to go through the exhibit, and speak to the kid from inside. I must have said three words when a lollipop hit me in the eye. Then the warthog peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 4 194

Today, I was trying to chat up a girl by showing off my new smartwatch. I proudly said, “It even reads my heartbeat!” It was 132 bpm. She looked at me and asked, “Are you OK? Or just incredibly out of shape from talking to me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 479

Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 180