Nearly FMLs

By Tank330 - 21/04/2016 11:29 - United States - Washington

Today, I was having a major migraine. Most of my teachers are okay with and just shied away from me for the day, except for this one alpha cunt. After spending the whole class period nearly crying from pain, she gave me a zero for "faking it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By gurnsey21 - 21/04/2016 11:13 - United States - Dearborn

Today, as my mom was driving me to school and I saw 3 ducks fighting. Then my mom pointed out that they aren't fighting. I looked closer and nearly got sick, they were raping another duck. fml

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 10:56 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I was drinking when I choked, forcing liquid up my nose. Common enough, but I was drinking straight scotch when it happened. Four hours later my airways still burn. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Tom - 21/04/2016 10:54 - United States - Crofton

Today, I received a mint Nazi Germany swastika flag in the mail. No I am not a Neo-Nazi I'm just an avid WWII memorabilia collector. My neighbor, who I now know is a holocaust survivor, gave me the dirtiest and hate filled look I've ever seen as I opened up the flag outside on my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 3

By SymphonicCure - 21/04/2016 10:45 - United States - New Orleans

Today, my doctor told me my face looked strange. He told me that I'm allergic to bar soap and can only buy one kind of liquid soap. I have to order it special and from what he said, it's going to break the wallet. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By talicaroxi - 21/04/2016 09:58 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, while on a weeks well needed holiday i got a call off my mum to tell me she had gone to my house to help decorate and in the process set my house on fire. I finished decorating last week

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By CraftierBOB - 21/04/2016 09:51 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I learned my girlfriend of 6 years who we just signed an apartment lease together and the woman Who's father gave me his blessing is cheating on me and now left me with an apartment and an extra cat and a $1275 ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By YesHelloSorry - 21/04/2016 09:47 - Ireland - Dublin

Today I found out that my 25 year old son has been knocking on the doors of new people in our apartment block and introducing himself as the landlord. I don't know if I should be more horrified that people actually believed him, or impressed at how much furniture he's managed to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Bawsack - 21/04/2016 08:49 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was at home and I heard someone banging around upstairs. It would be fine if I didn't live on the top floor of my building. Needless to say, I'm now scared to be at home. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By LillyAnnAroura - 21/04/2016 08:15 - United States - Sapulpa

Today, I was cleaning the kitchen, and found a huge spider under the table. It crawled out and I hit it. It then started pouring out baby spiders all over my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anotherschmuck - 21/04/2016 08:01 - United States - Lawrenceburg

Today, while laying in bed I felt something lightly tickling my arm pit. When I itched at it I felt something soft. Upon checking what the soft thing was, I discovered I had just mashed a spider on myself. Now I feel like i am covered in spiders and can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anon - 21/04/2016 06:50 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, I woke up at 4 am to pee. Not wanting to wake my parents, I thought I could pour water into the toilet rather than flush it, so I grabbed the glass I keep handy by the sink and emptied it out. The one with my retainer in it. I stuck my hand down the toilet in my own piss to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 3

By Ineedadildo - 21/04/2016 06:48 - Canada - Stratford

Today, I decided to pleasure myself after a long day at work. I was just about to orgasm when my vibrator's battery died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Singular_Mass - 21/04/2016 06:21 - United States

Today, I was told by my boss that I'm making great progress and doing very well. 2 minutes later I overhear her saying that I'm actually doing terribly and might have to be fired if I don't shape up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By lonile13 - 21/04/2016 06:11 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I came home early from class. The lock to my room is broken so I have to force push my door only to see my parents having sex on my bed... FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 05:25 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, through a mutal friend I met the girl of my dreams at the bar. After a great night of flirting and exchanging numbers, the friend confesses that's she's liked me since the day we met. Now the girl of my dreams does not want to pursue a relationship with me out of respect for our friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By whattheheck - 21/04/2016 05:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. Unfortunately for him, he thought I was the pizza guy. He swung the door open and I saw him with ruffled hair and a girl covered in sheets on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 05:11 - United States

Today, at my store, two people came in. My friend asked who came in. I said I don't know, two homeless looking people. They're his relatives. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonyyymous - 21/04/2016 05:07 - Slovakia - Piestany

Today, I went to my dentist with two small cavities. Instead of fixing them, she did a root canal. On a healthy tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By tittyboomboom - 21/04/2016 05:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today was my first day of using a laundromat since my washing machine died. Everything seemed to go well until I got home and started to sort everything, and found every pair of my panties had disappeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By luckygirl2522 - 21/04/2016 04:49 - United States - Carson City

Today, I was called a gold digger because "why else would a white girl date a black guy?" They then followed that statement up with "you need to stay in your own color." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By kung_ku_mastet - 21/04/2016 04:48 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I got suspended. Why? My friend threw his weed in my bag and framed me for apparently trying to sell him weed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Oops - 21/04/2016 04:20 - United States - Dallas

Today, I called a guy who I had a date with about a week ago. I thought it went really well and wondered why he hadn't contacted me again. His wife answered the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By LAS11 - 21/04/2016 04:20 - United States - Quincy

Today, it is my birthday. I turned 18. The only gift I received was from my mom. It was apartment listings in the neighborhood with a note saying "Happy birthday, it's a good time for you to go, there are lots of listings :)." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 04:06 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I woke up with the flu, and because I couldn't make it to the bathroom I ended up throwing up in the hallway a few feet in front of it. My mom was so disgusted by it that she made me clean up my own vomit before she would give me Pepto Bismol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By livingdedgrl - 21/04/2016 04:05 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, it occurred to me that I get more pleasure out of preparing deceased individuals for their last public appearances, rather than the anticipation of seeing my S.O. I can't figure out if this is a sign that I truly love my career path, or that I'm just an asshole. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 04:02 - United States - Centreville

Today, my daughter threw a fit at her job because she has the same job as her brother but she gets paid less, she has yet to realize that her brother is the perfect employee (who works long hours, weekends, holidays, etc,) while she spends the whole day playing on her phone and goofing off, FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 03:50 - United States - Toledo

Today, between work and university classes, I haven't been getting much sleep. It's gotten to the point that, even though I had the chance to sleep for seven hours straight before work, my body automatically woke up after four and wouldn't let me fall back asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By meltingturtle - 21/04/2016 03:49 - United States - Edmonds

Today, I went to toss some candy in my mouth like I usually do, but ended up punching myself in the jaw, hard. Several of my coworkers saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 03:46 - United States - Sugar Land

Today, me and my best friend were talking about my boyfriend, who she used to date before me. For some reason, we started debating over whether he was a boobs or an ass man. She accidentally let it slip that they had done anal together before. l've went down on him more times than I can count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, someone said that giving men gifts is so easy, just pay attention to what he says. He wants Chelsea on top of the league table. How am I supposed to do that? FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 142

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 590

You deserved it 1 431

Today, I went to a comic shop to celebrate Free Comic Book Day. A guy in a really nice Spider-Man costume showed up, so I asked and got a selfie with him on my way out. When I got home, I realized my wallet was missing from my back pocket. I was robbed by Spider-Man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 902

You deserved it 501

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 339

You deserved it 7 127

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 308

You deserved it 366

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, intending to break up with him. Instead, I was greeted by his whole family throwing me a surprise party. I had to sit and listen to his whole family talk about what a great couple we are and how we're going to last forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 197

You deserved it 9 477