Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 00:59 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I burned a hole in my flesh with a hot glue gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 00:50 - Canada - Whitby

Today, during Dance class, I was in a group that had to create a dance. Our gym teacher came over to us and essentially told us that if we didn't stop goofing off we weren't going get a very good mark. The thing is, the goofing off he saw was our dance, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Whyyyy - 21/04/2016 00:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after I spent months setting up my cousin's wedding, I found out that she dumped her fiancé because he didn't want to have a threesome with my cousin's mom.. HER FUCKING MOM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By handicapped - 21/04/2016 00:31 - United States

Today, I asked to have my DMV issued handicapped parking recognized so I could park closer to where I live. My landlord threatened to evict me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 00:05 - United States - Robbins

Today, my car died while I was driving down the highway, after not getting it to start for 20 minutes I called my step dad for a jump. when he got there he told me to put it in park. It started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By gayashellpoet - 21/04/2016 00:04 - United Kingdom - Buckie

Today, I realised that I had gained 30 new followers on Twitter and was really impressed. Until I went a checked out those new followers and found that they were all made by my creepy ex. All 30. All with the same "come back to me" tweet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By worsttimingever - 21/04/2016 00:03 - United States - Torrance

Today, I was browsing through the internet. I'm eighteen. My parents walked in just as an ad for a porn site came up, thought I was too young for it, and grounded me. It was my eleven-year-old brother's laptop. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By allisonduseau - 20/04/2016 23:37 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, my parents wanted to take me out to a fancy dinner. They decided on a Brazilian place that serves endless meat. I'm a vegetarian FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By sports - 20/04/2016 23:14 - United States - Washington

Today, I hurt my lower leg sliding in practice. Usually it wouldnt be a big deal, but the trainer told me to go to the ER. I have the biggest game of the season tomorrow and I won't even be able to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Sayonara - 20/04/2016 23:00 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was switching my phone to random different languages for fun, to see how it would look. I now have to go to the Apple Store to fix a phone that's all in Japanese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 557

You deserved it 7 328

By Ahhhcrap - 20/04/2016 22:56

Today, I'm 26 days late on my period, I'm marring my fiancée next Saturday and we already have three kids. He's half terrified to have another kid and I don't know how to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 22:51 - United States - Iowa City

Today, my girlfriend asked me to go down on her over text. Excitedly, I said yes. When we finally got down to it I passed out from the stench because she hasnt showered for a week. She's still refusing to talk to me despite it being completely her fault. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By miatabro - 20/04/2016 22:49 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend was watching WWE, and he decided do act like Dean Ambrose. Lets just say, a dirty deads on a concrete floor will not only knock you out, but it will send you to the hospital to receive 17 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Allen_Colby - 20/04/2016 22:43 - United States - Branson

Today, I surprised my son with a trip town to watch a MMA fight. Turns out he didn't want to go so he cried and said stop hitting me when we sat in our seat's, the people in front of us called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By rich443 - 20/04/2016 22:30 - United States - Frisco

Today, i came before my wife. after i came, she reached into her dresser. pulled out a blue ribbon and handed it to. she said i deserved something for finally coming first in something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By hugs_not_drugs - 20/04/2016 22:26 - United States - Monrovia

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me just so he could do drugs, then asked me out again when he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Jean816 - 20/04/2016 22:24 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I was dress coded by a teacher. Instead of discussing the matter privately with me she decided to "test" me by making me bend down and touch the ground, during lunch, in front of a group of guys. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By PubicMouth - 20/04/2016 22:16 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I decided to eat the rest of a frosting container. My mouth then had a first time greeting with one of my roommate's pubic hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By RainyDays1971 - 20/04/2016 21:48 - United States - Arlington

Today, I found out that myself and half my entire class (40 people) have to remediate parts of a 3 hr patient interview exam. I later found out that a friend of mine had the answer keys and didn't share them. if all 40 of us don't pass, we'll have to repeat the entire year. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By baby_bluez - 20/04/2016 21:48 - United States - Fort Plain

Today, while walking down the road, I spotted a cute guy walking up to me. so, to make myself look better, I tried to fix my shirt. When he walked up, he said, "Moving your shirt won't hide the giant red stain on your ass." and proceeded to walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By WTFIML - 20/04/2016 21:47 - United States - Johnston

Today, I was walking with a friend in Chicago. He yelled "Suck it" to a homeless man. He seemed to think it was me and repeatedly beat the fuck out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By emi_alejandra - 20/04/2016 21:38 - Puerto Rico - Ponce

Today, just like every other day my mom insulted me because my little brother is "my responsibility" and not my stepdad's who is his father and does nothing in the house but insult my mom and grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By mikki_arlert - 20/04/2016 21:27 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after helping my friend during his suicidal times, he informed me that we can no longer be friends because I'm "too depressed". I've never once talked about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 20/04/2016 21:20 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I came home to my dog sitting outside without a leash. He had been outside the whole day running around the neighborhood. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Chikii001 - 20/04/2016 20:56 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, I finally got the guts to tell my boyfriend of 8 months that I love him. He broke up with me before I could even say it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By littlemiss - 20/04/2016 20:53 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, my boyfriend told me I'd need to pay his half of the rent this month. Which would be fine if he didn't go visit his waitress friend 6 days a week while i'm at work and tip her enough to pay her rent, ontop of keeping a tattoo appointment scheduled 3 days before rent is due. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By TaraBURGER - 20/04/2016 20:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a sneezing fit at the library. I was politely asked to leave and not return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Fuckhousearrest - 20/04/2016 20:42 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, is my first day of house arrest. My aunts mom, my 3rd grandma basically, died this morning. I have a couple weeks left until I'm off house arrest. Guess who's not going to her funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By keepmelikeanoath - 20/04/2016 20:39 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my lab instructor told our class that we had to return all of our graded labs for fifty points. That wasn't in the syllabus, and it's been so long that I don't remember where I put some of them. Goodbye decent grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By CoolNoodle - 20/04/2016 20:31 - United States - Valley

Today, my math teacher yelled at me and told me to leave the room. All I did was yawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I overheard a large group of my friends and acquaintances making spontaneous plans to go see a movie that afternoon. I was the only person not invited. Normally I would have believed their excuse that they thought I was "sick at home", except I was sitting a few feet away the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 2 735

Today, on my first day off in months, my stepdad woke me up at the buttcrack of dawn, screaming at me to “get my lazy ass up” and start doing some chores. I guess pretending to still be asleep didn’t make him to go away, because I then felt hot water seeping through the blankets and onto my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 169

Today, I’m camping in the middle of nowhere and my mom wrote me not one, but two emails asking where my car keys are, because she needs to move my car. She apparently did not think to check in the key cabinet first. You know, the one where we keep… keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 108

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 756

You deserved it 8 885

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 208

You deserved it 6 295

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 915

You deserved it 4 835