Nearly FMLs

By bkboo1007 - 21/04/2016 17:43 - United States - Upper Sandusky

Today, I took a shit so large it clogged the toilet and won't unclog no matter what I do. moments before the monstrous shit, I took a laxative because I was feeling constipated. I only have one toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By faebun - 21/04/2016 17:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my Fitbit told my my heart rate was in the fat burning zone. I wasn't working out, I was just putting on lotion. I'm that out of shape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By danman27 - 21/04/2016 17:24 - United States - San Leandro

Today, I was walking around Target in a red shirt when some crazy person started yelling at me for selling her a broken TV. She then got the manager and tried to make him"fire" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By SassGasOrAss - 21/04/2016 17:13 - United States - Southfield

Today, I sneezed during a test. As my muscles tensed and relaxed, I let out a big fart that I could not control. I thought I was off the hook as I began coughing to cover up the noise, and nobody turned to me. Until after class, when someone started calling me 'Miss gassy' and others joined in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ShittyCar - 21/04/2016 17:00 - United States

Today, while going about 70MPH on the highway, my car's steering wheel decided to lock up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By good job immune system - 21/04/2016 16:57 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's the day my crush comes to sleep over at my house. Unfortunately, it's also the day my body has decided it wants to be horribly ill, and throwing up all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By LAS11 - 21/04/2016 16:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cousin was pegging me on his bike. We were going down a steep hill and he said his brakes didn't work, so I jumped off and slid down the cement hill, cutting my leg pretty badly. A few seconds later, I saw him stop perfectly fine without any problems at all. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By gingerlover01 - 21/04/2016 16:39 - United States

Today, while getting dressed I managed to fall face first into a cat litter pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Crash - 21/04/2016 16:27 - United Kingdom - Ascot

Today, I had a blowout while on the dual carriageway, resulting in me going headfirst into a ditch, wrecking my car. The only person to stop was someone who only wanted to see if I'd sell my car to him as scrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By hannah - 21/04/2016 16:10 - Slovakia

Today, my sister announced her bridesmaid quit. She now insists I plan her wedding for her as she has a holiday booked in Spain she doesn't want to miss. I suppose she forgot I have a job and 2 kids to look after. Also, did I mention her fiance is my ex husband who cheated on me with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 15:51 - United States

Today, in my second grade class one of my students walked up to me with a picture and said, "you look lonely so I drew you a husband because I know you don't have one." The worst part is she was right... I'm so alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By dysf_unctional - 21/04/2016 15:42

Today, I found out that my dad is a cross dresser, and has been cheating on my mom with men from Craigslist. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By Noize - 21/04/2016 15:26 - Belgium - Boom

Today, I went to work and heard I got fired due to "budget cuts", a friend of mine got hired yesterday for my position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By plsbmyclone - 21/04/2016 15:24 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I found out that I am pregnant with my boyfriend of 3 years. The same boyfriend who asked just yesterday if he could get ovarian cancer and asking where about his ovaries were in his stomach, FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 15:02 - United States - Louisville

Yesterday my fiance told me that she's still in love with her ex and not a day goes by that she hadn't thought about him we've been together for 6 years fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By mart - 21/04/2016 14:57 - United States - Salem

Today, I went to a party and got totally drunk. I woke up because I got a text from my friend saying "Hey man why did you leave the party?". Then I wrote back "Because I needed to get home'. A few minutes later I got a reply saying "the party was at your house and you're asleep in MY bed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By stangbang92 - 21/04/2016 14:56 - United States - Spring

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me and then left in a hurry. When I went outside I saw my dog behind her car as she was backing out. I tried to get her to stop but she sped up and now I have no girlfriend nor dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 14:33 - United States - Bend

Today I watched a candidate for our upcoming presidential election mistake 9/11 for 7-eleven. I know people voting for that idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By sabrinabeck13 - 21/04/2016 14:06

Today, while with my friends at the mall, we decided we wanted some popcorn from the movie theatre. So as we chose what size we wanted, we decided to go with the junior size. But the guy working there didn't think so, he told us we were "big girls and needed the bigger size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By DeerlySorry - 21/04/2016 13:42 - Japan - Nagoya

Today, I went to an island with a lot of free roaming deer. We were warned to be careful, so I tried to keep my distance. One came up behind me, started eating my map, and began choking. I got plenty of dirty looks from the locals as their sacred animal made strangled wheezing noises FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By hmartinxd2234 - 21/04/2016 13:36 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, out of curiosity I decided to peak into the boys bathroom at my school for less than 5 seconds. The cameras at my school caught me resulting in 10 days out of school suspension because it's a level 3 offense. There's only 4 levels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 3

By sonuvableach - 21/04/2016 13:33 - Canada - Milton

Today, I tried to show my friend a picture on Instagram of a child in front of a computer and the caption saying "will you stop trying to download a dad already?" Then he hit me in the stomach and left. At that moment I remembered his dad left him at a young age. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 3

By justbeproud - 21/04/2016 13:29 - United States - Somerville

Today, I informed my mom that we are moving to a new apartment and even though it will have no effect on her or how much she will see me, she flew off the handle because instead of being 30 mins away living in a dilapidated apartment I will be in a very nice condo style apartment 50 mins away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By 3 Cheers for 12 Years - 21/04/2016 13:16 - United States

Today, I lost my best friend after nine months of battling cancer. He's not dead; he just proposed to his psychotic girlfriend, and now I'm never going to see him again as they're moving 3000 miles away because she doesn't trust him around people he knows.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By why - 21/04/2016 13:15 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, I had my tonsils removed after years of severe strep throat. The medicine given to me isn't strong enough, making it so I can't even swallow my own saliva or talk. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 21/04/2016 13:04 - United States - Middleboro

Today, my mom gave me a hour long lecture to not drink and drive. She's is currently dating an alcoholic that has a breathalyzer in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Mom? - 21/04/2016 12:53 - United States

Today, while moving my old stuff out of my moms basement I came across a full body, leather, S&M table complete with straps and whips, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 12:08 - Australia - South Morang

Today, the mom of my long distance girlfriend, who I've been dating for over 2 years, won't let me come up and stay during the holidays because she, "Doesn't want us left alone in the house together." Seriously? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By umyehimjess - 21/04/2016 11:58 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I finished a 10 page Japanese essay. Today was also the day that my mum decided to go through my room and throw out all the 'rubbish'. It's due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Jenpai - 21/04/2016 11:38 - United States

Today, I lost my school ID. Replacements are $8 so I went to find my wallet. Previously, I forgot it in my sister's room and she has no idea where it is. it had $300 in it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

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The Top

Today, I reported one of our college professors for openly displaying pornography on his office door. There was an investigation. He works in the Arts department and claims it's "photographic art." The campus agreed. I got formally reprimanded. What is "art" about explicit photos of naked children? FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 271

Today, I realized my girlfriend thinks that the goal of sex is to get it over with as quickly as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 431

You deserved it 6 135

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 254

You deserved it 4 690

Today, I locked my car. I put the key in my bag when suddenly my car began to roll backwards. I tried to get the key out of my bag but couldn't find it, and with the other hand I tried to stop the car. The worst thing was that some dumbass was watching me and didn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 490

You deserved it 21 846

Today, I had an unexpected sneezing fit and drove my car through 2 trees and a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 254

Today, the police finally recovered my stolen car. All it took was a shootout and two people dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 687

You deserved it 1 951