Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 11:48 - United States - Madison

Today, I had a dermatology appointment to get my moles screened. A very hot male medical student my age was shadowing my female doctor. I have moles on both nipples and inside my outer labia. They had to inspect the labia one with a magnifying glass since it looked suspicious. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By 242795 - 22/04/2016 11:33 - United States - Robbins

Today, after coming back from a 3 week long trip, I found my grandmother out back digging a hole. What was she digging a hole for? My dog that died from starvation, that even though I called everyday reminding her to feed him, she still forgot. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 2

By nada - 22/04/2016 10:58 - United States - Ellenwood

Today, my husband has been coming home happy. I found out his side chick and him broke up and that's why he's being so damn nice to me. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 10:30 - United States - Succasunna

Today, it was my birthday. All I got was a pencil from my mom. For testing. Yes, I tested on my birthday, and no one said happy birthday. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Miss_sad - 22/04/2016 10:03 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I went to my mother's house to collect a few family heirlooms that she had been looking after for me; as she wouldn't let me take them with me when I left home in fear of them getting lost or stolen. These heirlooms meant the world to me. As it turns out my mother had lost all of them. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By devinshaw50 - 22/04/2016 09:48 - United States - Toledo

Today, after many weeks of working hard, i felt as though at our upcoming employee appreciation party i was going to receive an award, so sure i went and rented a $255 suit. turns out that a guy who always starts fights, and curses and threatens management deserves it more.fml

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 2

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 09:38 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, my sociopath newlywed sister attacked our dad because he told her he's moving and so she has to live with her husband. When he defended himself, she decided to file assault charges against him. The cops believed her and arrested a 60 year old man who doesn't have a mean bone in his body. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 09:07 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I realised that sleeping with and then falling in love with my boss' husband is literally the worst string of decisions I have ever made, I also work and live with both of them. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 3

By CatNip - 22/04/2016 08:37 - United States - Detroit

Today, while "taking care of business" I was about to climax when my cat decided to jump on my bed and bite my nipple... he wouldn't let go and I had to pry his mouth off of my boob... FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 08:14 - United States - Moscow

Today, my girlfriend of one year kept dropping hints about us getting married and having kids soon. This would be cute if we weren't both 15. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Hysteria94 - 22/04/2016 08:14 - Australia

Today, I found out that my mother is letting my ex and her new boyfriend that she cheated on me with stay her house for a few weeks. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 1

By Queen_Gracie - 22/04/2016 08:05 - United States - Capitol Heights

Today, I tried to help my Mom with the groceries. Apparently she didn't feel the need to double bag them. We live in a 4 story walk-up and the bags broke. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By tabypatchkid - 22/04/2016 06:53 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my husband got mad at me for not cleaning. I started cleaning and told him he was right and I would start doing my part around the house. He got up 5 minutes later and started cleaning behind me because I wasn't "doing it right" FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By thanks babe. - 22/04/2016 06:46 - United States - Lafayette

Today, is one of my last days as State Board President. More people here have spoken to me today than my girlfriend has for the past couple of weeks. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By arianelagolden - 22/04/2016 06:41 - Belgium - Courcelles

Today, my 3 year-old grand-son has been watching too much TV. How do I know? He didn't thank me when I gave him a cookie, so I told him to give me the "magical word". He said: "Meeska Mooska Mickey Mouse"! FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By y tho - 22/04/2016 06:38 - United States - Riverside

Today, my grandma over-heard that I was planning on taking one of her employees to my prom, who goes to an online high school. My grandma freaked out and said she'd fire her if we went together as well as took away my car. Later she told my mom she had never said any of that. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 06:18 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I found out that my crush asked another girl to prom, even though we've been really hitting it off, because the school creep wanted to take me instead. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By RIPrince - 22/04/2016 05:56 - United States - Corona

Today, while watching the news about Prince's untimely death, who we never got to see perform live, my wife reminded me that her sister had been given four tickets to see him perform and had let two go unused because she didn't think were into his music. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By yesimthatcatlady - 22/04/2016 05:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I watched a video that seemed to really upset my 9 month old. I felt extremely guilty, so I apologized repeatedly and gave her a snack to get her mind off of it. Perfectly understandable, except for the fact that the 9 month old in question is a kitten. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By north - 22/04/2016 05:23 - United States - Canton

Today, my nephew shouted "WHAT IS THAT?!" while pointing to the black man who just moved in next door. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By anon - 22/04/2016 05:19 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I returned home from 67 days of sobriety at a rehab for my speed problem. I gained back 45 pounds I has lost. At my welcome home party my "friends" agreed that maybe it wasn't the worst thing for me. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Larry - 22/04/2016 05:16 - United States - Issaquah

Today, I was eating out my girlfriend when I got a bloody nose. Safe to say I've never made her scream louder before. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By 2ndtotheironthrone - 22/04/2016 04:59 - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, my mom told me (for the second time this week) that she couldn't talk to me on the phone because Game of Thrones was on. I live across the country from her and haven't seen her since Christmas. FML.

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By ___J11____ - 22/04/2016 04:53 - United States - Beldenville

Today, I found out why dog toys have squeakers. I walked into my back yard to find my German Shepard laying down with four baby rabbits between his paws and one in his mouth, which he kept biting down on until it squeaked. I then noticed the two dead baby rabbits laying next to him. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 0

By MissKenxx94 - 22/04/2016 04:49 - United States - Dearborn

Today, i was rearranging the rock garden by my house that also has a old well under it. i picked up the board that was covering the giant hole lost my balance and fell in. It took my boyfriend almost an hour to find me. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By wenediekatt - 22/04/2016 04:41 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I had a dream about masturbating to porn. Can't even find a man in my dream. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By 1234CATS4321 - 22/04/2016 04:24 - Canada - Brantford

Today, I bit into a burger I bought at McDonald's and almost choked on a screw/nail that was in the patty. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Trekkie - 22/04/2016 04:04 - United States - Middleport

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His excuse? I quote star trek too much. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 03:57 - United States - South Portland

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend pleasuring herself to a recording of Alabama Governor Robert Bently talking to his mistress. She then said, "Doesn't he have such a sexy voice honey?" FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 0

By Jae_Hellyun - 22/04/2016 03:40 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, makes day 34 of my health nut girlfriends all leaf diet. I got so desperate for actual food, I utterly devoured a half eaten cheeseburger that her nephew threw in the trash. FML

agreeclassic 2

vote type 1 0

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Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

agreeclassic 1 289

vote type 1 207

Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML

agreeclassic 37 196

vote type 1 2 192

Today, I received my replacement debit card in the mail after losing my previous one. I've already lost my new one. FML

agreeclassic 12 726

vote type 1 30 231

Today, I met my dad for first time in 22 years. He smoked a joint with me, showed me his plants, and gave me a bag of mushrooms. Every time I try and believe I'm not trash, the universe tells me different. FML

agreeclassic 420

vote type 1 203

Today, on to the bus home from school, I sat next to a guy that I ride with every day, but don't know well. He looked at me and said, "Hey, I know this girl named Bridget who looks just like you, but a lot more pale. She's really weird." I'm Bridget. I just got a tan. FML

agreeclassic 1 931

vote type 1 214

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

agreeclassic 78 891

vote type 1 26 611