Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 03:36 - United States - Ankeny

Today, I, a dentist was preforming a checkup on a new patient. his teeth were quite bad and i joked with him to lay off the meth. He then for the rest of the checkup began sweating profusley and would not make eye contact with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Cammi0 - 22/04/2016 03:31 - United States - North Easton

Today, I went hiking for the first time. I was super excited about it, that is, until I over-exerted myself and threw up in front of a group of professional hikers, who all laughed at me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By beastybeast - 22/04/2016 03:27 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, at work someone left the fridge that contains all the fish unplugged for a week so I had to spend an hour cleaning out rotten smelly fish out of the fridge, FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 03:14 - Australia - Geelong

Today, my 4yo did the pee dance for 3 minutes and then wet herself all over the toilet floor, despite me telling her constantly to go to the toilet. Why? The lid was down and she didn't want to lift it by herself. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Hiimhaileypotter - 22/04/2016 03:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was assisting a veterinarian in inserting a catheter in a male dog. He got frisky, started humping, and came all over the floor. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By rumanm - 22/04/2016 02:37 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I picked up my small dog and put him near the front door of my house, I rang his little bell to say we were going out to pee. He then bit my foot and ran away, I chased him leaving a trail of blood from my foot on to my white carpet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By The_Ghost_of_Jon - 22/04/2016 02:33 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I farted so loud that my back popped. I was in class, and everyone heard it because we were taking a test. I'm just glad I didn't shart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 0

By n - 22/04/2016 02:23 - United States - Plano

Today, I was informed that my best friend had died yesterday, which was April 20th. I made a memorial service and informed everyone online but all the comments were "RIP died in pussy and weed". Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Troopdooom - 22/04/2016 02:10 - United States - Liberty

Today, I woke up and went to school. When I got there, the girl I have liked for 4 years walked past me and I confidently stopped her and asked her out. She smiled and said "Of course". The school bell rang and I woke up. It was a dream. I was late for my first hour as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By PsycoLlama - 22/04/2016 02:07 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boyfriend got a call from his brother, I told him I wasnt in the mood to deal with them. long story short, now his brother, pregnant girlfriend and their three young kids are staying the night, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By beastielux - 22/04/2016 02:05 - United States

Today, my bf and I were having the best sex I think I had ever had. we had been going at it for about an hour and a half and we both have lung issues at the moment (sinus infection and junk) we both ended up having an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Pain to be good - 22/04/2016 01:54 - Australia - Blakehurst

Today, I saw a dog start running onto a busy road and I ran to stop the traffic and pick the dog up. After grabbing the dog I started jogging back to the path when a motorcyclist sped from between the cars and ploughed me, fracturing 3 of my ribs. At least the dog was unharmed, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 1

By Stickkkkkkky kkkkkkkeys - 22/04/2016 01:38 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, we had to take a standardized test online at school. We had to type an essay, and when I was almost finished, a sticky keys notification popped up and caused my test to close immediately. I lost all of my progress and had to take it all over again after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By HeavyOnTheFirstTwoDays - 22/04/2016 01:36 - United States - Midlothian

Today I realized that I'll get my period either tonight or tomorrow. I have a performance in a few days where I have to wear a blindingly white dress. The performance lands on my heaviest day and I only have liners available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By ImTooYoung - 22/04/2016 01:34 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I came out to my parents, thinking they wouldn't be too disapproving. That hope was swiftly crushed when my mom started cussing and told me to get away from her, and my dad said "I'd rather you'd told me you were pregnant." Which wouldn't be so bad, if I wasn't only sixteen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By muffledpotato - 22/04/2016 01:02 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I woke up blurry eyed at two in the morning to the blissful sound of my cat throwing up next to my bed. Fully awake at this point, I grabbed him mid puke and aimed for the hallway as I had just scrubbed my carpet. I felt pretty accomplished and went back to sleep only to step in the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Pizzapiggy1 - 22/04/2016 00:54 - United States - Bothell

Today, I decided to have a bath after a stressful day. My cat also decided the same, too bad I'm the one with scratches all over my body now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By manic - 22/04/2016 00:50 - United States - Chicago

Today, When I was getting into my car I accidentally hit the car right next to me leaving a huge black streak. The driver still in the car gives me an evil eye and asked if I marked her door I said yes but the psycho is threatening to sue me for assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By onyxbb16 - 22/04/2016 00:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up in a great mood driving my normal way to work when a huge metal object flew off a truck, bounced on the highway, and smashed my windshield shooting glass shards everywhere. This happened to my car I've had for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By SKYstlimit - 22/04/2016 00:47 - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, my boyfriend is so annoyed with having to use extra contraception for a week he started snapchatting nudes with other girls, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By fightorflight - 22/04/2016 00:35 - United Kingdom - Blackburn

Today, my long term boyfriend and I had a big fight which led to him moving out. I went to uni anyway, holding back tears. I was called up at the front to present and I couldn't hold them back any longer. My choices were to stand and cry in front of everyone or run out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By damnimdumb - 22/04/2016 00:33 - United States - Joliet

Today, my allergies flaired up, i asked my dad to give me some meds to relieve my congestion..he thot i meant constipation so not only dId he give me laxatives everytime i sneezed i crapped myself a little bit FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By missmonkie - 22/04/2016 00:33 - United States - Tujunga

Today, I am heading to work while I have a middle ear infection in both ears. I work overnight as a stocker so for two hours I have to deal with customers. I don't mind it except I can barely hear myself talk let alone antsy customers. I can't afford to call out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 23:04 - United States - Omaha

Today, I left for school ten minutes earlier than normal. This earliness caused my parents to try and track me (using find iPhone) and when they couldn't they accused me of skipping school. Somehow this escalated into them taking away my car and trying to stop me from going to work after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Queen_Gracie - 21/04/2016 22:44 - United States - Capitol Heights

Today, I tried to be sexy for a cute guy online. He glanced at me & said no thanks. You remind me of my daughter. His daughter is 4 & I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 22:44 - United States - Chepachet

Today, and just like everyday, I went commando. That's just how I live my life. However, today is the day that a Mosquito decided to venture up my shorts and attack my dick. I'm currently rethinking all of my life choices because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By whatthef - 21/04/2016 22:38 - United States - Hazelwood

Today, sent a fake e-mail about being depressed to a random therapist online. I'm so lonely I've been waiting all day for him to get back to me just so I'll have someone to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 21:58 - United States - La Habra

Today, I had the best date ever. Ended up in the ER after my date tore his finger from a janky chair. Ran out of gas on the way back and walked around with no open station in a sketchy place. Starving so we shared a lollipop found in the glove compartment for dinner. Why can't love be easy? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Satan apparently - 21/04/2016 21:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I turned down a date with a single dad with 5 kids because I don't want kids. He took it calmly, but his entire family then proceeded to call me every name in the book, telling me I was going to hell, and then claimed I was Satan in disguise... Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 21:38 - United States

Today, I saw my crush in class. Being good friends with her and both of us being single I tried to start a relationship. However being nervous increases my temperature and triggers my nosebleeds. I had to spend 3 hors at a nearby hospital getting my nose evaluated and eventually cauterized. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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Today, I tried a new hairstyle to impress a guy I like. I was pretty confident, until he took one look at me and said, "Uh... why's there an onion on your head?" So much for that. FML

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Today, I was conned out of £50,000 by my own father, who everyone thought had been dead for 3 years. FML

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Today, I asked my manager what NSFW stands for. FML

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Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

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Today, someone stole my laptop from my car. However, they were nice enough to relock the doors after they smashed in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 048

You deserved it 6 098

Today, while biking, I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 281

You deserved it 56 762