Nearly FML

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 21:38 - United States - Oak Forest

Today I received an email from my new client stating he had broken up with his girlfriend and would like to get drinks. I've been married for 3 years but my job encourages me remove my ring when we meet clients to "increase our odds of winning the business." This is our largest account. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By anonymous - 21/04/2016 21:33 - Italy

Today, while on a family vacation overseas I was excited about the prospect of a 7+ hour train ride so I could get work done. I'm 16 years old. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By beeyouteefull - 21/04/2016 21:23 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, my insurance informed me that, actually, they won't be paying the $8,000 it's gonna cost to fix my car. Or the rental car they got for me a week ago. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By sumr - 21/04/2016 21:22 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, two girls drove to school drunk. Their punishment? To drive home and rest. Meanwhile, other kids are getting expelled for wearing leggings that don't cover their butts. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By LAS11 - 21/04/2016 21:08 - United States - Quincy

Today, while in a long car ride with my 6 year old cousin, he mentioned how he had pizza for breakfast. Normally, I wouldn't have thought twice about this, except for when he threw up the pizza all over my legs. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Kaninen - 21/04/2016 21:01 - Denmark

Today, I realized that giving my number to the man who tried to recruit me to a study group was a big mistake. I've so far recieved 15 text messages and 10 phone calls. The one time I answered my phone he asked if I was a 'Mummy's girl' and tried to invite himself over to my house for lunch. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By sumr - 21/04/2016 21:00 - United States - Brookhaven

Today, two girls drove to school drunk. Their punishment? To go home for the day and rest. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Minnie Mouse - 21/04/2016 20:59 - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, as it was predicted that it would be sunny all day, I decided to wear a white shirt. Too bad it started raining heavily as soon as I got on my way to university and my shirt got transparent. Worse that I wore a bra with a clearly recognizable Minnie-Mouse-pattern. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Send help - 21/04/2016 20:56 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I had to go to the bathroom at school and all the power went out, turns out that it is pretty hard to wipe your ass in the dark. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By averysadwoman - 21/04/2016 20:54 - United States - Marksville

Today, after days of having hopes brought up and down like a roller coaster on whether or not I'm having a miscarriage, I finally learned I'm not. Actually, I have a molar pregnancy. Since it's just tissue, I'm informed that I was never a mother to begin with. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By catmurderaccomplice - 21/04/2016 20:53 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I could only watch in horror from the backseat of my mom's van as she ran over a dog in the middle of the road and kept driving. Every time I tried to bring it up, she'd either turn the radio up or talk loudly over me. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By S - 21/04/2016 20:49 - United States - Fremont

Today, after staying up all night to work on a project because my partner was "busy" , he told my teacher I barely did anything. My teacher refuses to believe I did most of it. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By DashPlays - 21/04/2016 20:33 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, while I was at school I was messing with some paper trying to make a paper airplane, and I cut the webbing between my fingers. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By ScottyRay - 21/04/2016 20:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wife asked me if I could go get her some wine at the store. I told her I would get some if in return we had sex. Her reply was "oh, never mind." Fml

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By ow - 21/04/2016 20:13 - United States - Bronx

Today, a kid in school called me a "worthless shitsack" and got his three friends to give me a huge wedgie while another one stole my binder. All because I refused to give him my cookies. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By darbmutat - 21/04/2016 20:04 - United States - Asheboro

Today, in the seventh week of recovery following surgery on my ankle, my uncle decides to watch Strip Tease... I've been recovering in my aunt and uncle's living room. Apparently, I'm watching Strip Tease, w/ my uncle. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By Iamaloser - 21/04/2016 20:00 - United States - Nashua

Today I was late to an interview so I grabbed all my stuff and raced to my car. When I was getting off the highway I heard a loud thud. It wasn't until a while later that I realized that my laptop had fallen off the top of my car. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 19:42 - United States - Cortlandt Manor

You know you have a drug problem when your drug dealer tells your parents you need rehab. FML

agreeclassic 7

vote type 1 1

By LoserBaby - 21/04/2016 19:36 - United States - Naples

Today, I realized that the waiting room at the tire store is nicer than my house. FML.

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By fikifiggs - 21/04/2016 19:32 - United States - Batesville

Today, I found out that the guy I played with as a child, was arrested for having child pornography on his computer. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my 6 year old daughter caught me and my beautiful wife having sex. I found this out when half way through the session a beautiful voice laughed, and shouted "daddy is it my turn?". Ive cried and vomited endlessly since, and I don't think I'll be able to have sex or sleep ever again. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By sw2f2fchik612 - 21/04/2016 19:18 - United States - Snellville

Today, I am recovering from spinal surgery. The back pain is paired nicely with a cold and my menstrual cycle. The sneezes are a new level of hell. FML.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By sad sex - 21/04/2016 19:10 - United States - Greensburg

Today, following the advice of the fine folk of FML, I told my boyfriend that I've been faking my orgasms and gave him tips on how to improve. His response was, "Oh, I know. I just don't care." FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 18:31 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while in my local diner, I was bringing coffee to a customer when I spilled it on the back of his head accidentally. Now I got a massive lawsuit FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 1

By ApparentlyNotEno - 21/04/2016 18:27 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my ex-fiancée left my credit in such poor shape, I can't open a personal bank account, which I need to open an account for my business, so I can deposit the cheques for the business, to afford to clean up the debt she caused. So instead of money, I now have useless bits of numbered paper. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By sonofa... - 21/04/2016 18:08 - United States - Sorrento

Today, I caught my rod in my zipper so hard it needed to be cauterized. To make matters worse, my girlfriend and I just, with VERY pleasant results for both parties, lost out virginity to each other two days ago. Doctor days I can't, and I quote, "dingle my dangle" for at least 2 months. FML.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 17:54 - United States - Seattle

Today, I told my girlfriend of 2 years about how I was worried when she goes to college in the fall. Later that day, she broke up with me. FML

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 2

By Shay_Shay97 - 21/04/2016 17:54 - United States - Libertyville

Today, I came home to find my mom curled into a ball and crying in hysterics. My mind went racing. Was she crying because my sick grandmother died? No. Was she crying over my dad who recently underwent open heart surgery? Nope. She was crying because Prince died. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Notzimia - 21/04/2016 17:53 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, in a hurry to get home since the bus was about to drive away, I got off the bus. And left my bag, containing exam revision, timetable and my money. FML.

agreeclassic 3

vote type 1 1

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 17:51 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, just like every other day for the past few months, nothing is being done to put my rapist behind bars. Why? Because we were dating at the time and I "probably wanted it anyway." Never mind the bruises that didn't fade for weeks after that night. FML

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 1

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was babysitting my 5 year-old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

agreeclassic 62 116

vote type 1 7 018

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

agreeclassic 51 995

vote type 1 417 043

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

agreeclassic 43 778

vote type 1 10 563

Today, I accidentally left my Nintendo 3DS at the barbershop, so I rushed back to get it. The 60-year-old barber had destroyed it with a hammer, saying it was a weapon of the devil. I was gone 5 minutes. FML

agreeclassic 4 155

vote type 1 628

Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you F*ing idiot' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the SUV. FML

agreeclassic 17 188

vote type 1 46 552

Today, I started my third day of a student exchange program in Belgium. My room-mate is a guy, our beds are in the same room, and he's always in and out of the bathroom. Consequently, I don't have nearly enough privacy to choke the cock, if you know what I mean. FML

agreeclassic 10 580

vote type 1 29 852