Nearly FMLs

By Broken - 22/04/2016 17:46 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, my wife of 5 years told me she's not in love with me anymore, after the fact that she cheated on me a month ago and I was willing to work things out and move on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By sickandpissed - 22/04/2016 17:42 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was finally released from the hospital after being critically ill in the ICU, and having multiple IVs. I decided to get Mcdonalds on the way home. While I was waiting in line the lady behind me saw the marks on my arm and yelled at me for being a heroin addict, causing many dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 17:42 - United States - Wayne

Today is my birthday. My dad is currently in the hospital awaiting a MRI. The best birthday present would be learning he doesn't have to have brain surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By thatonekid - 22/04/2016 17:38 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was talking to my "girlfriend" and I asked her when was the last time she saw her ex, she said last night. Then later, I asked her if she slept with him and she said yes. She was saying sorry. This is the second relationship in a row that I've been cheated on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ___J11____ - 22/04/2016 17:38 - United States - Carroll

Today I my lost dog. I have been trying to find him all winter and found him today. I found him decomposing in a ditch ten miles out of town

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By pm - 22/04/2016 17:36 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, while in woodwork, the chisel slipped and I sliced my fingers open. I had to go to the emergency room to get 8 stitches. I have a project due next week that's now covered in blood.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Only4Friends - 22/04/2016 17:28 - United States - Leander

Today, I realized that I only have 9 contacts in my phone. One of which is my insurance company, two are my parents, and two may not even have the right phone numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By I didn't wipe it - 22/04/2016 17:05 - United States - Austin

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for defacing my work station. When asked why, he grabbed my pinkie and said, "do not use these to suck intelligence out of your brain." I'm guessing he saw me picking my nose earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Wraith09 - 22/04/2016 16:38 - Canada - Holland Landing

Today, I sold some stuff through Kijiji. The buyer was a tough negotiator, but I held firm and got what I thought was a reasonable price for it. As he was pulling away, I heard him laughing and telling his friend "What an idiot! I would have paid twice that!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Oldstudent - 22/04/2016 16:37 - Croatia

Today, I'm a 27-year-old back-to-school university student. Everybody in my year hates me because I'm genuinely interested in actively participating in my classes and getting good grades, instead of partying, cheating in exams, and not caring about school at all. Apparently, I make them look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By scaredandalone - 22/04/2016 16:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after spending the first few nights alone in my new apartment, I woke up to find a set of keys on the floor of the living room. Confused, I tried them on the front door. They fit. These keys aren't mine and definitely weren't here when I went to bed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 16:06 - United States - Trussville

Today, I had group presentations to present today for two different classes. After doing the finishing touches with both groups, I went to bed satisfied with our work, and was prepared to ace both assignments. Or at least I would've, if I hadn't forgotten to set my alarm last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By IRLFirewall - 22/04/2016 15:46 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was about to win a gaming tournament with a $2,000 payout when my dad decided he would unplug the router because "I waste my time doing nothing productive". I got disqualified.

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By PumaGator - 22/04/2016 15:40 - United States - Murray

Today, I woke up from a night of stomach cramps. I ended up having to throw out a brand new pair of underwear. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Blackout - 22/04/2016 15:03 - United States - Stamford

Today, I decided to pregame a formal with a 5th of whiskey. The next thing I knew, I woke up, no phone or wallet, was just dumped, and my car was not where I left it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By ribs - 22/04/2016 14:59 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was helping some friends move out of their house. I fell down the stairs while carrying a heavy box, Not only did I throw my back out and crack a rib but I landed on their dog when I hit the bottom, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Sarah - 22/04/2016 14:33 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I was told to "piss off, grandma" by some high school kid. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By flawful - 22/04/2016 14:03 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my "best friend" tried to impress a boy she liked by insulting me and pointing out all my flaws in front of him and his friends FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By connoreknaust - 22/04/2016 13:49 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog like normal when I noticed the blind move in my neighbors house. He had his complete package out jerking it smiling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By gotosleep - 22/04/2016 13:35 - Germany

Today, a girl I may have a bit of a crush on wanted to talk on the phone. Normally we just write, so I got curious. She was giggling the entire time and said that I should know what she wanted to say. Turns out she was just high, wanted to talk to someone and all her other friends were busy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 13:33 - United States

Today I met my best friends Sister. We did the whole "you look familiar" thing until we both realized it's under her Stripper name "Desiree". I've been stuffing money in her G-string for months. He thinks her piles of cash are from her tips as "The best Dental Hygienist in the Tri-state area". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By BeachGirl27 - 22/04/2016 13:21 - Australia - Acton

Today, I had the satisfaction of clicking on 'Send' with the signed work contract that I'd just received after months of uncertainty. A short time later I was advised of an interview for a longer-term contract that was full-time rather than part-time and at a higher pay grade. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By ANONYMOUS - 22/04/2016 13:16 - United States - Vero Beach

Today, I was in the turn lane and this car behind me kept beeping their horn at me even though I couldn't turn do to traffic. After this went on for a bit I rolled down my window and flicked them off. I got a phone call from my mom and she said "why the hell did you flick me off?" I had no clue.FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By CrazyPitMom - 22/04/2016 13:05 - United States - Houston

Today, instead of accepting the blow job I offered, my husband pushed me away. For what, so he could play Game of War all night, this happened everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Mildisk - 22/04/2016 12:59 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my girlfriend called me to break up with me because I wasn't talking enough to her, she's been ignoring my texts and calls for the past week, she refuses to believe that I was calling and texting her regardless of the pictures I showed her of the texts. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Alex - 22/04/2016 12:42 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, my dad always told me to stay away from girls because they will either claim rape or give you a disease. This must have screwed me up because I still haven't lost my virginity to my very sympathetic girlfriend. Every time we try have sex I either have a panic attack or my dick goes soft FM

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By apaton - 22/04/2016 12:37 - United States - Saint Clair Shores

Today, while babysitting my little cousin, she found a worm and killed it. I jokingly told her the "worm police" would catch her for this. She felt so guilty that when my back was turned she called 911 to turn herself in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 12:27 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, at one a.m. I woke up to my baby screaming because my boyfriend picked him up to try to sooth him. All he had to do was put the binkie back in his mouth. I on the other hand get to stay awake until tonight because I suffer from insomnia. I've had two hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By embarrasing - 22/04/2016 12:21 - United States - Massapequa

Today, I was driving to Florida with my dad when I got serious pains in my stomach. I needed to use the bathroom FAST. Sadly we were in heavy traffic and I ended up shitting my pants in front of my dad FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 3

By gingerlover01 - 22/04/2016 12:13 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me the 'God doesn't care if you're gay' talk because my bus was running late. I had to sit through this for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I have Lyme's disease. I caught it because we used alcohol on the area before we removed the tick that caused it. Apparently, that makes ticks vomit. I'm sick because a tick puked into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 078

You deserved it 547

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 684

You deserved it 11 083

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 573

You deserved it 29 670

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 237

You deserved it 6 679

Today, I found out that I am "un-promotable" to the job that I have been promised for the last two years because, I "don't suffer idiots well." Idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 863

You deserved it 3 787