Nearly FMLs

By foreveralone - 22/04/2016 21:41 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my phone automatically deleted the last message I had in my phone, a text from my mom. I set my phone to delete my messages after 30 days. That means, I haven't received a text message in 30 days, and the last one I did was from my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By OtakuGamerHero - 22/04/2016 21:29 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my sister's dog decided he wanted to use my injured foot as a chew toy. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By NurseGabby - 22/04/2016 21:18 - United States - Columbia

Today, I had to wait two hours to get to use the restroom while working as a nurse. The only one available had a large spider building a web in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 21:07 - Netherlands

Today, I was ready to go to work and I texted my girlfriend "I'm done". After I left my house and didn't have WiFi anymore, my girlfriend called 911 and had her dad call my mom. When I got home my mom was scared as fuck and my girlfriend doesn't won't speak to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 20:54 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was actually excited for my dental surgery appointment just so I could have the day off from my mind numbing job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Wasp From Hell - 22/04/2016 20:50 - United States - Thief River Falls

Today, I visited a friend at their farm and had to use the outhouse. I found out there was a wasp in the toilet paper roll... and the wasp found me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By killmenow - 22/04/2016 20:39 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, the ex girlfriend of a guy I met 3 days ago came and physically assaulted me while a bystander had to call 911. The police refused to do anything so I left my college campus to unwind. When I came back 3 hours later, she was waiting outside the parking garage for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By sad - 22/04/2016 20:30 - Canada - Windsor

Today, when I confided in my bf for not seeing him often, he told me he is busy and since we've lived together he hasn't had any time for himself. Understandable, as he goes out with the guys 2-3 times a week and we've had only one date night in the past four weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 20:28 - United States - Marietta

Today, I asked a friend to go out for drinks. He told me he thought I was really nice, but just wanted to be friends. I thought he was straight. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By mld4657 - 22/04/2016 20:25 - United States - Bethany

Today, my dog found and chewed my vibrator to pieces FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By mydreamshateme - 22/04/2016 20:17 - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, I had an intense dream about 12 girls masturbating that made me hot and bothered. Too bad I'm a 29 year old lesbian who's never managed to date a woman in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Mother Nature - 22/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I started my period knowing how bad it gets I decided to stay home from school only to end up babysitting a 3 year old and getting explosive diarrhea. I type this from my toilet seat, fml

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By birthday girl - 22/04/2016 20:12 - United States - Madison

Today, my parents are upset with me because I don't want to go to the restaurant my brother picked for his birthday because I hate it. They're accusing me of ruining his birthday. It's my birthday too... We're twins. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By invalid_request - 22/04/2016 20:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He stepped on my stomach causing me to fart, I laughed so hard that it caused me to pee on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 22/04/2016 20:03 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I'm visiting my boyfriend for a few weeks. we were taking a shower & getting ready for our day and his mom comes over to visit...I haven't met her yet. We walked out of the bathroom together & she just gave us "the look" and introduced herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By cryinginclass - 22/04/2016 19:55 - United States - Modesto

Today, not one of my students who are almost at the end of second grade could tell me that the answer to a subtraction problem is called the difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By A Soon-To-Be Pirate - 22/04/2016 19:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I raised my hand to answer a question in class. Whilst doing so, the small string on my sweatshirt got hit and went directly into my eye. I had to leave class to go to the nurse. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 19:34

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I had to go to McDonald's to eat some ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By candaz1 - 22/04/2016 19:20 - United States - Dallas

Today, my neighbor put up a fence. In his front yard on our side only. Say goodbye to getting money back on the house when we sell. This is after he tried to get his dog to attack me as I got out of my car on my property. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By mrbman - 22/04/2016 19:10 - United States - Grand Blanc

Today, I woke up with a hangover naked, turned over, and looked right into the face of my female cousin. I don't remember what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By BlownChance - 22/04/2016 18:53 - United States - Junction City

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend to an amusement park. She wanted to give me a blowjob after one of the rides. My impulsive self decided to have 2 scoops of protein before the drive. Right as we finished our last ride and were straying away into the bushes, I vomited on her face. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By stormagedon15 - 22/04/2016 18:50 - United States - Lovington

Today I was reading bible passages to my husband as a joke, his response was to lock me out of the house then moon me out the window FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 18:43 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my 'fiancé' told me that he is actually gay, and has been seeing a guy behind me back for 2 years. He only told me now so he can tell everyone he is gay because 'women cancel marriages and make him feel depressed'. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By StalkerLove - 22/04/2016 18:40 - United States - Ontario

Today, I discovered the only guy willing to date me is the creepy kid at school who follows me around and stalks me on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By scaredandalone - 22/04/2016 18:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after spending the first few nights alone in my new apartment, I woke up to find a set of keys on the floor of the living room. Confused, I tried them on the front door. They fit. These keys aren't mine and definitely weren't here when I went to bed last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Emma1562 - 22/04/2016 18:35 - United States - Ontario

Today, my friend tried to set me up with a nice guy, when I met him it turned out to be the guy who would always follow me around school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope - 22/04/2016 18:23 - United Kingdom

Today, after taking daily morning dump I looked down to notice something out of the ordinary, blood, on my penis, and it wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Shafro_0 - 22/04/2016 18:08 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I accidentally took an overdose and was sent to hospital. The staff are convinced I am suicidal and now won't let me go until my mum flys over here from Germany to tell them I'm not. Every time I say it was accidental, the more psychotic they think I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 17:58 - United States - Sterling

My friend just learned a few phrases in sign language and tried to thank a deaf man who bought coffee from us at the cafe we work at. Instead of signing thank you she signed fuck you. I had to refund his order out of my tips after she blamed me that it was my fault for not properly teaching her.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By WellThisIsAwkward - 22/04/2016 17:53 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, some guys came up to me and asked me to go speak to their shy, but interested, friend in the corner. I confidently greeted him by the name they gave me. It wasn't close to his real name, and his friends were pranking him by getting an ugly girl to chat him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 724

You deserved it 5 201

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 86

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 242

You deserved it 2 951

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 344

You deserved it 4 145

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 573

You deserved it 44 743

Today, it was my mother’s birthday. I was on my way to pick up her cake but I got into a car accident and ended up in the emergency room. When I call her to explain what happened, she called me an useless fuck for ruining her birthday by not bringing the cake. She’s yet to ask if I'm okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 94