Nearly FML

By cplmadison - 23/04/2016 14:37 - United States - Battle Creek

Today I got a $237.50 ticket for an "offensive bumper sticker" FML

agreeclassic 8

vote type 1 3

By goddamnit - 23/04/2016 13:45 - United States - Braidwood

Today, I took the early morning cashier shift at a local fast food restaurant. As soon as my shift started, a group of three teenagers walked in, spending almost 15 minutes ordering their food. When their total was over the amount of cash they had, they cancelled the whole order. FML

agreeclassic 8

vote type 1 3

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 12:15 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my mother called to tell me that I was no longer invited to my own birthday part that she was throwing for me. Why? Because she had invited a few more of her friends, and there wasn't going to be enough room in the house for so many people. FML

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 4

By 24whenwillihaveenoughmoneytomove - 23/04/2016 11:15 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I spent the whole night paranoid, hearing noises outside my room. I decided I was being dumb and decided to masturbate. And then my door moved. I was right. My mother was spying on me. FML.

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 3

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 10:18

Today, the new owners of the hotel I've worked at for 2 1/2 years cut everyone's pay by at least a dollar and half the staff decided to walk. They then brought back the toxic manager that made this place a backstabbing horror to work at, after she'd been fired 6 months ago. FML.

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 3

By ifeelthelovemom - 23/04/2016 09:02 - United States

Today, I realized my mom likes my ex boyfriend more than me after she bought him $25 worth of food, spent $15 on him at the gas station then got mad at me for asking to get a drink that cost 75 cent... FML

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 3

By freshlysingle - 23/04/2016 08:48 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I spent £30 on a train journey across the country to visit my boyfriend for a weekend at his place, taking some of his stuff with me. He took his stuff, then broke up with me. I spent £30 and two hours travelling to his house to deliver a pair of trousers and came back single. FML.

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 3

By Bambi - 23/04/2016 07:54 - United States - Rexburg

Today, I got into a slight argument with one of my roommates. She was having boyfriend trouble and yelled at me that I was wrong with my advice, farted, and walked away. FML.

agreeclassic 7

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 06:32 - Australia - Townsville

Today, I was trapped on the balcony of my second story house because the door locked behind me. I had to wait for my neighbour to come outside to ask him to come and unlock it. Fml

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 3

By mylonius - 23/04/2016 06:19 - United States - Fergus Falls

Today, my best friend was ranting to me about how she still hates her abusive ex-boyfriend, even though they broke up a year ago and he moved away. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he's moving back next year. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 06:11 - United States - Appleton

Today, I signed up for a free amazon prime trial. A while later while watching TV with my mother I figured during the break I'd get it setup on my ps3. As she watched she horrified me by asking if I was about to watch porn on it. I was so speechless I just turned off my ps3. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 4

By Luluthus - 23/04/2016 06:04 - Denmark - Holstebro

Today, my sister is pregnant, my Brother got promoted and my parents are going to Hawaii on vacation. I reached the final level of candy crush though. FLM

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 5

By train pain - 23/04/2016 06:02

Today, I'm sitting on an 8 hour over night train. The man next to me has the same destination. He also is asleep resting on my lap, but I am too socially awkward to ask him to move. FML.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By thisismyusername - 23/04/2016 05:45 - United States - Frisco

Today, I threw up at work and kept feeling like I was going to heave again. I work in food service and assumed I would be sent home since that's what policy dictates. I wasn't sent home. I guess they don't care if everyone gets sick from my touching their food. Enjoy your fast food folks, but FML.

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 2

By ChildhoodTerror - 23/04/2016 05:29 - United States - Mesquite

Today, my friend of 3 years has convinced herself that I'm not real and I'm pulling some elaborate prank on her, pretending to be the guy she met yesterday. Why? Simply the guy and I share the same regional accent from the same hometown. She won't accept any logic and refuses to speak to me now. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By JosephKorso - 23/04/2016 04:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, as a pizza delivery driver, the customer answered the door naked. I wouldn't have minded all that much if it wasn't a dude. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By MysticPizza - 23/04/2016 04:36 - United States - New Castle

Today, my husband's hairy legs are smoother than my recently shaven ones. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By nudes of who!? - 23/04/2016 04:32 - United States - Potsdam

Today, I found out why my boyfriend never added me on snapchat, because his exgirlfriend is his #1 best friend on it. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By meaganlo - 23/04/2016 04:28 - United States - Shelby

Today, I found out my husband has been cheating on me with someone really close to me. No, not my best friend. My mother. FML

agreeclassic 9

vote type 1 4

By OP - 23/04/2016 04:28 - United States - Dayton

Today, I had my first interview, everything was going great. After we wrapped things up and I get in the car and I noticed a had a huge booger in the corner of my nose. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By Xelabasat - 23/04/2016 04:19 - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I had a colonoscopy, I also learned I'm allergic to Latex. The hard way. FML.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By SignYetisAreDangerous - 23/04/2016 04:10 - United States

Today, I almost swerved off the road. Why? Because I mistook a white sign for a yeti; a fucking yeti...in the middle of Virginia. FML.

agreeclassic 7

vote type 1 3

By AllAloneAdult - 23/04/2016 04:08 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at work, I work at Walmart, I was filling the eggs back up when a customer tried to grab eggs off of my skid after I warned her it wasn't stable. Three boxes fell off breaking every egg. I got written up for the incident. FML

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By badteacher - 23/04/2016 03:52 - United States - Saint Clair

Today, I was talking to one of my co-workers. I was complaining about my increased insurance prices and accidentally dropped the F bomb in front of thirty 2nd graders. Now they won't stop repeating me. FML

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 4

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 03:37 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I had to take my dumbass brother to the hospital. After he once again ate a raw chicken leg on a dare. He's done this 3 times already, he's 22. FML

agreeclassic 6

vote type 1 3

By 0.0 - 23/04/2016 03:19 - United States - Middletown

Today, i found my wife's journal. She's been pushing me away so i decided to read some hoping to learn why. Instead i learned she was unsure if our twins were even mine until they were born, hates me because im too "soft", but doesn't want a divorce in fear of her reputation.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By DBryant20 - 23/04/2016 03:18 - United States - Houston

Today, the only exciting thing to happen to me all week is that I finally took a solid poop, FML.

agreeclassic 5

vote type 1 3

By meowymomma - 23/04/2016 03:13 - United States

Today, i begged my boss to let me sit for a minute, after i had used my inhaler over and over with no relief. I ended up going to the hospital fighting to breathe, and still got written up. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 2

By Ohnoezy - 23/04/2016 03:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, Im a girl with major anxiety issues regarding using public restrooms. I finally had the courage to take a shit at my college bathroom. However, because of my anxiety of getting it done so fast, I didn't even bother to check the door signs. I was in the men's restroom. FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 3

By I don't understand :( - 23/04/2016 03:05 - United States - King George

Today, I was happy because I got to spend time with my crush at a school event. Just before he left, he took me aside and said that another girl cried on his shoulder before confessing that she loved him. He asked for my advice because "you're a girl, maybe you understand all these girl things". FML

agreeclassic 4

vote type 1 3

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML

agreeclassic 19 174

vote type 1 21 772

Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML

agreeclassic 42 119

vote type 1 8 586

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

agreeclassic 34 656

vote type 1 2 245

Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML

agreeclassic 18 697

vote type 1 59 296

Today, my dad texted me while I was in school saying, "Your cat vomited. Covered it up with a bowl so you can clean it when you come home." FML

agreeclassic 39 533

vote type 1 7 724

Today, I was eating in the food court at the mall by myself but then a cute guy from my school offers to sit by me, I say yes of course, he then asks me for a french fry. Later on I realize he has eaten half my meal. He only wanted to sit by me for my food. FML

agreeclassic 29 487

vote type 1 6 863