Nearly FMLs

By killerkisser97 - 23/04/2016 18:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that as a teenager, having an opinion on what you want to wear is unacceptable. My mom and grandma wanted to take me to buy shoes, which I was excited about, until I realized they were really just shoes for them, that I would have to wear. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 5

By Anon - 23/04/2016 18:18 - United States - Aurora

Today, my desire and dream for joining the Air Force was canceled for another year. My mother will not sign as a guardian for my enlistment, because "guns kill people". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 18:07 - United States - Warrensburg

I came to my grandma's birthday party in a short, tight skirt because the weather was very nice. The first thing my aunt told me was to watch myself around my uncle because he's molested her and all of her sisters. I want to be disowned. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 5

By Vaati101 - 23/04/2016 18:06 - United States - Orlando

Today, I woke up in the hospital. Why? Because I passed out after being stabbed over an argument whether spiders or snakes were cooler with a friend... Ex-Friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 3

By anonymous - 23/04/2016 17:44 - United States - Columbus

Today, my best friend blocked me on all social media out of the blue. He still has things of mine, but I can't contact him in any way to get them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 17:41 - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I came home from school thinking I had the house to myself. Got into the shower and started to 'play with myself' at which point my mother walked in, stared right into my eyes (while I had my hand inside of me) before running off crying, ignoring me for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 3

By Proud_Texan722 - 23/04/2016 17:39 - United States - Commerce

Today, I finally decided to invite my crush over. So, we went outside and we were throwing the football. And I went to run to catch the football and I thought I would be cool and jump for it. I broke something in my left ankle and she had to help me back to the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 3

By fedup - 23/04/2016 17:39 - Australia

Today at 11pm my crazy neighbor was in our yard threatening us with a running chainsaw. The cops say since he didn't actually SAY he was going to hurt us that they can't arrest him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 17:30 - United States - Bothell

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, it was possibly the best sex in our 3 year relationship. So good in fact, that I shit a little on his bed. I will never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 5

By wiifantcso - 23/04/2016 17:20 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I met my new doctor for the first time. She is the same person that goes out of her way to call me a "lazy fatass" every morning at the fitness center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 5

By anonymous - 23/04/2016 17:18 - United States - Decorah

Today, my boss found out that I bang his daughter when I work alone at the store. He didn't fire me, but he scheduled me to work with him every shift now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 16:40 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been seeing for the past 3 years has been living and sleeping with her ex for the last 6 months. But she still wants us to try and work it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 3

By opps - 23/04/2016 16:27 - United States - Arlington

Today, I woke up with a hangover from pre-gaming too hard, throwing up at the important event, and then being forced to leave before anything even started because I was so drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 7

By ParanoidBugSmasher - 23/04/2016 16:22 - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to smash a spider in the junction between the wall and ceiling..... It fell a inch in front of me and I did a Ms. Trunchbull and made a cross between a shriek and whine as I backed up. I'm worried it landed on me and still haven't found it 20 minutes later. Well played Spidey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 4

By rararachie - 23/04/2016 16:20 - United Kingdom - Belfast

Today, I was driving away from my in-laws when I felt a crunch. Worried I had hit something, I stopped. My in-laws heard the noise too and came to look, all was fine until I shouted "Thank God I didn't hit a dog!". As I drove away I remembered their dog had been run over there just weeks before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 4

By Camaro Guy - 23/04/2016 16:20 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I went to visit the love of my life in NY (I live in NH) in my newly restored 1986 Chevy Camaro. I made it there without a hitch. When I locked the doors and shut them I had realized as the locks clicked shut that I left my keys in my car. I don't have AAA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 4

By pxnicatthedisco - 23/04/2016 16:01 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, when I finally started to feel better about myself and how I look, my grandma starts screaming at me about how fat and ugly I am all because I ate some leftover ravioli from last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 15:44 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my beloved dog passed away in the early hours of the morning. I thought that going to work would take my mind off the grief, but I just found out that I'm working at a dog-themed event today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 15:37 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had a baseball game. It was raining, and we had to do all this work on the field. 10 minutes into the game, they canceled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 3

By GAYSBIEN - 23/04/2016 15:33 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got sick, so my mother gave me a thermometer. After putting it in my mouth, she then proceeded to tell me it was a rectal thermometer.

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 3

By wanderingvirus - 23/04/2016 15:18 - Canada - Orillia

Today, while going to the washroom, my girlfriends cat walked up to me put its front paws on the toilet seat and looked in then at me and proceeded to sniff my junk before leaving. I can no longer poop and am also mortified of being around the cat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 4

By Wow - 23/04/2016 15:16 - United States - Frederick

Today, while trying to hook up with the girl I extremely liked, she confessed she was lesbian. This would have been fine if we haven't been talking for almost a year now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 3

By mvan234 - 23/04/2016 15:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom used my shower. Normally, it would be fine. Unfortunately, this was not the case as she had left behind strands of her pubic hair in my bar of soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 3

By Shallow_Dream - 23/04/2016 15:04 - United States - Erie

Today, I was laying on the floor, and I called my dog, who is a Great Dane, over so I could pet him. he got so excited he ran over to me, didn't stop, and stomped on my balls so hard I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 4

By grossed out - 23/04/2016 15:03 - United States - Middletown

Today, my mom used my shower. Normally, that would be fine if she hadn't left behind some of her pubic hair on my bar of soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 3

By WhyHelloThere - 23/04/2016 14:53 - United States - Laconia

Today, I was at home watching porn when I got an extreme headache. I thought it would go away but it wouldn't. Hours later I was in the ER with my mom and I had to explain the whole thing to the doctors AND my mom. My mom replied by saying, "This is EXACTLY why I told you to get a life, Noah!" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 3

By peceout - 23/04/2016 14:51 - Sweden - Kungsbacka

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. The reason? I've become "too" confident. Apparently, no longer hating your body is being "too" confident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 14:46 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my best friend has been forbidden from seeing me because her father is convinced we are both cheating on our long-term boyfriends to have lesbian sex with each other. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 3

By dead girlfriend - 23/04/2016 14:40 - United States - Aiken

Today, I got one of my friends to prank call my boyfriend and tell him that I had died, he responded with joy. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 4

By . but not the Woman's - 23/04/2016 14:38 - United States - Glastonbury

Today, I asked my girlfriend out to prom, she told me she was going with someone else, but we are still dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 3

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The Top

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years cheated on me with his ''sister-like friend." It's the girl I was always worried about, and half our arguments were about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 79

Today, I worked a 12-hour shift. Today my parents' cat also had diarrhoea. Rather than clean it up when said cat projectile shat all through my bed, they simply closed my door and left it for me. Since it's in my room, apparently it's my problem. They can't understand why I'm pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 378

You deserved it 343

Today, I got scolded for how I treated my aunt and uncle's dogs while pet sitting. I was told it was my fault they had explosive diarrhea for "locking" them in the room they'd told me to put them in at night and doing everything they said when I reported they were sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 080

You deserved it 230

Today, I was supposed to meet up with a girl I met on a dating app and had been chatting with. We exchanged the classic, "I'll be here and wearing this." At the location, a girl from a distance, wearing the described outfit, was checking me out. I immediately bailed out. Not only she is 9, she is also a student of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 126

Today, my husband, who has been in a coma for 5 weeks, woke up. When I went to visit him, the first thing he did was try and continue the argument we had been having before he crashed the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 951

You deserved it 2 438

Today, I found out my parents only got pregnant with me because they were desperate for a bone marrow match for my brother, who ended up dying before I was born, and who I had no idea existed. What’s even more messed up is that they gave me his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 94